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Original poster

Repeating a school year - is it a thing?!

27 replies

OrlaPeely · 05/05/2021 21:40

DS is a 1st August child. If we could have started him at school a year later we would have, but that wasn't an option.

He is now in Year 6, and due to go to high school in September.

The summer born difference has become more marked as he's got older. He is now completely exhausted by school and has very little resilience regarding anything else. It takes everything he has just to keep up with the work (and even then only just). There are at least 4 children in his class who are extremely disruptive and he doesn't have the reserves to ignore them.

He's had 2 blood tests by GP which haven't shown anything worrying physically, but he is so drained and looked exhausted. Despite medication he still wets the bed several times a week - this stops in holidays.

I'm confident that there is no direct bullying, but he is always using everything just to keep up with his peers.

I'm seriously worried for his mental health if he goes up to high school like this. He has actually said he would like to repeat the year if it were possible. He has 2 close friends but one of them will go to a different school.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Is repeating a year a thing in the UK? And what would the pitfalls that I haven't thought of be?

OP posts:
Ilovemaisie · 05/05/2021 21:43

Unfortunately it's very rare and would most likely only be for major medical reasons like missing large chunks of school due to recieving treatment for cancer or similar

Auntycorruption · 05/05/2021 21:48

I have no direct experience but could you home school him for a year?

Embracelife · 05/05/2021 21:49

Sounds like more than an age thing.
Have him assessed by a psychologist or referral to CAMHS
Go back to gp
What kind of school have you chosen?
What us their pastoral care like? Do they have counselling?

Fixitup2 · 05/05/2021 21:52

I’m 1st August and a lot of my friends were end of year children, I’m sorry to say but by year 6 there was no difference in our ability or energy. I think the reason he is struggling is not to do with his birth date but it sounds like you’re seeking medical help for his exhaustion. For the bed wetting it can still be common in boys at this age, it sounds like it’s linked to his emotions so maybe try to speak to the school nurse to get him some support. Is there a mentoring service in any youth clubs where you are to help the transition to high school.

Flipflops85 · 05/05/2021 21:54

No, it isn’t a thing anywhere I’ve worked. In the local authorities that I’ve worked for, you’d need to have delayed the start to Reception to achieve this. What you’d be requesting is an additional year of school, which I think is very unlikely to be authorised.

CoffeeRunner · 05/05/2021 21:58

Not in the UK so far as I know.

DD is an August baby. Currently Year 5. I can't honestly see how she'll be emotionally ready for high school next year, but I guess we'll see.

Original poster
OrlaPeely · 05/05/2021 21:58

Thanks for the replies.

He has older siblings already at the high school. It's quite big but near to home and a pretty good school. They do have a counselling service I think.

Every parents evening I've asked and been told that he's fine in school. Meanwhile my happy, cheeky son is becoming less and less himself. It's not hormones, it's different to the older siblings. Recently his teacher has commented on how tired he looks. I will arrange a phone call with them.

I will go back to the GP and see about CAHMS. Is there any particular type of counselling/ service / therapy/ support anyone can recommend?

We've had to pause an after school activity because DS is too exhausted to manage it. One other he is still attending but after an unkind comment from another child last week he says he's not going back to that. Really unlike him but as I say he has no reserves of energy to deal with it. I will address it with the club and get him back as he loves the activity and it gives him a chance to succeed.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrlaPeely · 05/05/2021 22:00

Am also not sure where to go next with the exhaustion as 2 blood tests have come back clear?

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Fixitup2 · 05/05/2021 22:07

Your poor son, this sounds really hard on him. When you speak to the school ask if the pastoral worker can speak to him and also ask for the school nurse number, they have loads of resources and can signpost you to the right services. Mine came to speak to my son at school to try and figure out what was going on, it was helpful. Mine ran a clinic for bed wetting also although that sounds like a secondary issue.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 05/05/2021 22:07

I wonder if you should go back to the GP and ask about more tests - something doesn’t sound right physically. Do you know what the blood tests were testing for? Could he be lacking in a particular mineral? What is his diet like? How is he sleeping?

Elouera · 05/05/2021 22:08

What have the school said? How are his reports? I too would have thought issues to be picked up by now! I found high school a refreshing change from primary school and very different. Do his teachers think he is ready for high school? Why does HE want to repeat?

Fixitup2 · 05/05/2021 22:08

@OrlaPeely

Am also not sure where to go next with the exhaustion as 2 blood tests have come back clear?
How long has it been going on for? Would it be worth a paediatrician review if it’s been a while since bloods are clear.
Moonlaserbearwolf · 05/05/2021 22:11

Ive just remembered a friend’s child was displaying similar symptoms - increasingly exhausted and bed wetting. He was diagnosed aged 11 as coeliac. Has this been ruled out?

Fixitup2 · 05/05/2021 22:12

Coeliac is jumping out at me also. Paed referral

Embracelife · 05/05/2021 22:13

Has he had a virus past year?
Post viral syndrome?
ME?
What is he like on weekends?
What is his weight/height?
Has he been tested for coeliac?
Either it s physical and not yet diagnosed
Or psychological based which can cause physical symptoms

Uk doesn't repeat years. They prefer to put measures in place differentiate curriculum etc. How is he academically

Fixitup2 · 05/05/2021 22:14

He hasn’t had Covid has he?

Embracelife · 05/05/2021 22:14

Has his age August birthday been mentioned a lot? Has he now got the idea he should repeat?

Yay4spring · 05/05/2021 22:16

Have you checked him out for dyslexia and other processing abilities? One of our children was doing ok but always tired and I just felt he wasn’t thriving. School said his work was ok etc. Externally he was fine and he’s a calm, gentle soul so it didn’t come across as struggling externally but I could just tell things were different for him compared to our other 2 children. School thought (I suspect, as they were too polite and professional to be anything other than supportive) that I was wasting my time and money getting him privately assessed. But it was the best thing I could have done. He does have dyslexia and some other processing issues and because he was working so hard to hid his struggles and keep up, he was exhausting himself. Having the understanding and a dyslexia tutor for him has made such a difference. He is a happy, self assured child again. Maybe not be what is going on, but I would definitely recommend ruling it out.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 05/05/2021 22:17

It can happen. My DCs step brother was kept back a year, although I don't know when or why.

My own DS1 (late August baby) repeated year 10.

He started refusing to go to school, was very anxious, wasn't sleeping etc. He missed almost all of year 10.
We finally managed to change his school, and he started his new school in year 11. Once he had proven his dedication by actually turning up the school applied to the LEA (? Might have have academy trust actually) for him to drop back a year, and he was moved back into year 10 after Christmas. Then covid hit and he was at home like everyone else. He's just finishing year 11. Sadly he's not on track to fulfill his potential, but he's doing a lot better than he was. And, in some ways more importantly, he has friends and actually enjoys going to school.

It took a lot of convincing for him to even change schools at that point though. In year admissions in year 10 are rare. I would say there is no harm whatsoever in speaking to the school.

Just in case it's relevant I strongly suspect ASD/OCD/dyspraxia but haven't managed to get a diagnosis.

Strugglingalone · 05/05/2021 22:23

Has type 1 diabetes been ruled out? Bed wetting, tiredness etc and lack of being himself all fit with the symptoms. I changed dramatically before my parents eyes over best part of a year but everyone just put it down to puberty until I collapsed at home. I was also in year 6. Type 1 diabetes diagnoses are much higher at the moment as they often come following a viral trigger (ie fighting the covid virus)

Strongswans · 05/05/2021 22:25

It can happen although it's rare. You would need a lot of evidence to support it. My ds will be repeating year 11 in September but this has been a fight even with medical and school support, a huge chunk of medically advised absence and already having an EHCP. Oh and an end of august birthday.

It is very tough, and worth noting even if it did happen, when he moves to secondary the new school could put him back in his 'proper' year.

sherrystrull · 05/05/2021 22:31

It sounds really really hard.

Can I ask what you mean by 'he doesn't have the reserves to ignore the disruptive children in his class.'

Are they distracting him? Are they unkind to him?

SinkGirl · 05/05/2021 22:33

I agree you need to go back to the GP. Find out what he’s been tested for, and what else they can test him for. Sometimes something very simple like a vitamin deficiency can cause severe fatigue (vitamin D, B12 and for me it was folate).

Does he drink a lot? Have they checked for diabetes, thyroid issues, coeliac?

If the GP can’t find anything then I would push for a referral to a paediatrician. If the GP won’t then i would find the money to see one privately. My twins are both autistic as one is really complex medically - he has various conditions, including being born with a very rare one, and even his geneticist is mystified by what’s going on with him. Most of the time health issues can be figured out from symptoms and a few blood tests but when they can’t then you need to investigate further.

For example, he has a vision pathway impairment and also a cortical visual impairment which is variable and means it’s difficult for him to process what he’s seeing and some days are worse than others. He also has sensory issues and is constantly sensory seeking. These processing issues can be absolutely exhausting for him, and he can get very tired and distressed very quickly. We had no idea he has vision issues until he was diagnosed, other than having a squint. So there are so many things it could be.

Unfortunately there are things that can cause debilitating fatigue that won’t show up on blood tests, like ME. I have ME and have known teenagers to develop it. Sadly I think it’s often diagnosed when another cause can’t easily be found - I struggle to believe I can feel as awful as I do without there being some obvious cause that can be found, but they can’t find one so ME is what I’m diagnosed with. Improving my folate levels has helped to an extent but not enough really.

I hope you can get to the bottom of it - it’s hard enough feeling like this, it must be awful seeing your child like this. I do think the school year is a red herring, but if he’s actually struggling with the work then it maybe worth considering assessment for dyslexia just in case. Also make sure he’s had his eyes tested.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 05/05/2021 22:37

Excellent comprehensive post @SinkGirl

Original poster
OrlaPeely · 05/05/2021 22:42

Thank you so much everyone for your amazing replies - a lot of what you've posted sounds familiar. I will respond properly tomorrow to questions. I have suspected some sort of processing difficulty for a long time.

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