How would you feel if someone offered to pay for your dc to go on a trip that you had told them you could not afford because of illness related lack of cash? How could they offer without seeming patronising? Or would you rather they just listened in ...

[stillaslowreader]

I would like to do this but I don't know how to begin or if I should mind my own business.

I think it depends on:

-how much money it will cost, if it is a lot then would be embarassing to accept
-if the lack of cash is an excuse for their DC not to go on the trip - ie they don't really want their DC to go
-how well you know them

Anyway it sounds like a kind thing to do from your point of view.

I think it would depend on how well I knew them, and whether they were in a position to recoprocate on a non cash basis. Difficult to get right I suspect.

I think I would pop the cash in an envelope with a note saying "For trip" & put it through their letter box.

That way they can accept the cash, not really know who it's from & that way they don't have to be embarassed thanking you & you don't have to be embarassed incase you made them feel uncomfortable.

agree - it would depend on how good a friend they were.
I think, if I was going to offer, I would say "We seem to have a bit of extra spare cash around this month and I'd be really happy to give you the money for X's trip" and then take it from there
It's a tricky on though isn't it?

Or KM's idea is good too

agree with the others. definitely depends how well you know them and how much it is etc etc.

I know that I would definitely offer if it was one of my very good friends.
And if it was the other way round then I would be very touched if someone offered to pay for me, again, would depend on the above reasons whether or not I would accept.

I think it's a really kind thing to do and there is no harm in offering.

Message withdrawn

If I was so scrapped for cash that my DC was missing out on a school trip I would be grateful for help.
Trouble is if money is that tight would it always be another pressure "to pay back XXXX"
Our school can access a "secial fund" for cases like this if not the school does have money of its own.
If it was a friend of mine and I thought offering would affect our friendship, I would suggest they speak to the head or teacher (even in letter form if needs be) If its a family illness problem they probably already know some details. There would be nothing to stop you haveing a word first with head and maybe offering to pay part or all.

Good luck its a difficult one.

Thank you. Please keep answering.
Crokky, lack of cash not being used as an excuse- they really would like their dc to go. They have had to stop work to care for v sick relative.. I have know approx 5 years in a friendly kind of way- sick relative has done me a nice favour in the past.
Can't do envelope through door in case they think 'crikey everyone knows'.
Have wondered about anonymously- it is not a school trip. Would have to do it through the organisation running it.

oh if you offer and they accept be prepared for the possibility of tears, kindness can do this

How about offering to pay in return for babysitting? Although I think you might still offend them.

I'd just be straight, and say sick relative has been so kind to me in the past, please let me return the favour by doing this.

I think any sense of asking them for something in return may make them feel worse, as if you are keeping a hold on them. Whereas outright kindness is a wonderful thing.

I had a trip paid for by an 'anonymous benefactor' when I was young. Done through the organisation. I still don't know who it was. I think it was easier for my parents to accept it anonymously.

They have no time for babysitting snice, I'm sorry to say. They are rushed off their feet with hospital visits etc.

I just think I would want to do a favour back if I was on the receiving end of the money.

It's a lovely idea.

I think the issue of return favours is a distraction - for heaven's sake don't mention it, you'll only make the poor woman/man feel embarrassed. If they bring it up, you can say 'Oh, you've helped me out before...' or 'Oh, I'm sure you'll be able to do me a favour some day' or whatever feels appropriate.

perhaps you can say "I have an early Christmas/Birthday gift for x (the dc) and it's doing me the favour of being able to repay y when they helped me out" run away before they can refuse.

Be ready for tears!

TellusMater would you mind saying what organisation it was because if it is the same one this time round perhaps that would be a way.

I know just what you mean snice, but I don't want anything in return. Oranges, I like your idea do you think I could say, "think of it as a get well present for ....." (only that probably isn't going to happen in RL) but something like that?

I think it would be a lovely thing to do, and if you said it quickly and explained that you wanted to do it in solidarity with them in their tough time, and left, it could be done without any fuss.
Years ago when we went through a bad time due to illness, my dh's work mates took up a collection, and without any fuss gave it to him and told him they were all thinking about him. That money meant so much to us at the time, and knowing we were thought highly enough of to do this, also helped us at a tough time.

It was a church thing.

I wouldn't say get well present if the illness is terminal - but just a present from you, to say thank you for past kindnesses and because you want to do something for them.
I think things given when babies are born or when people are sick fall out of the normal remit of embarrasement. Just go for it as graciously and honestly as possible. The anonymous donation may worry them more - make them wonder if everyone out there pities them.

It's a lovely idea
Think it depends on them/how you know them
I'd talk to the organisation leader I think - suggest that if you pass on the cash, he might find a 'special fund' that covered this sort of instance. ie I'd wimp out!
Otherwise, I'd go with the option of saying that you always wanted to pay back the favour that sick relative did, and would they mind if you paid their dc's trip fee, as you'd like to feel that you've repaid him/her.

Funnyp, I would like to wimp out too.
Do you think speak to the organisation leader and say if anyone cant go through lack of cash/family illness I will pay and you can call it 'special fund'? I think the dc in question will be the only one in that position. Don't know what would happen if the 'special fund' was needed another time though, for someone else.