Scotland-Jan birthdays - anyone got teenagers?!

[Badger7]

Hi
My youngest son is January born, so I have a choice of 'holding him back' for one year if I wish. He is bright and keen to go to school like his big brother (P2). However I know parents who are holding back because they are convinced that sending boys (not so adamant with girls) harms their development/education when they are at secondary. My son is going to be tall for his age, I just can't decide whether to make him the eldest or youngest in his class! Not too worried about him coping in Primary school, more concered about what friends say about teenage boys who are youngest. Also, it will increase the separation between him & his brother if I hold back - P4/P1 instead of P3/P1 etc.

Does anyone have experience, particulary in the Scottish system, of BOYS who have been held back a year who are now in Secondary education? Or Jan birthdays who weren't? Do you wish you had made a different choice? Do you think it has aided/hindered them both socially and educationally?

I'm getting quite concerned about this, it isn't a decision I realised I would have to make! I really would like to find something concrete about how it affects boys to be held back or not at Primary when they are older. Does anyone know of any offical sites where I can get some statistics or something?! I know all kids are different, but it must make some sort of difference or the choice wouldn't be there!

I can't think of the School you are talking about Badger but it's nice to know there is another Mumsnetter nearby.

All the best with your decision it's a tough one, damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Thanks. If you or anyone else has any more hints before Xmas on how to decide, please post a message!

Been thinking about this further, the whole puberty thing hadn't even entered my head. I have been thinking about it since though and suppose that even if you put a whole class together with children born at the same time there is no guarantee that they are all going to go through puberty/be at the same stage developmentally as each other, they are all different. IMO whatever you do there will be a wide variation in the class.

If you do hold him back he may only be a few weeks older than some of his classmate who perhaps have a March birthday and should be in that class and if you don't hold him back he may only be a few weeks younger than his classmates born in say November, who wouldn't have the option to choose. Either way he won't be too far off his classmates.

I suppose so. I'm a bit worried that if a lot of mums hold back then if he goes in August he might be the only 'young' one in his class. I suppose I could ask the nursery how many they expect to be held back, but then not all the kids that start go to the nursery...

Badger7 a friend of mine has 2 sons with Feb birthdays. First son went to school at 4 (Scottish system). He is now in 4th year and df feels he is too immature. Her second Feb birthday ds was born 8 years after DS no.1 and she has kept him back for a year. He started school at 5yrs. She can see that he has coped better with school than DS1 did. The nursery were not in agreement with her but she was adamant that she would not have her DS start school at 4yrs after her last experience. She has another ds after him so it was not that she wanted to keep 'her baby' at home.

Another friend had a dd whose birthday is Feb and who started school at 4. She has just sat her highers and got mainly A's. My DS is a March birthada and started school at 5 yrs. He flunked all his exams mainly!!

I think you will have a gut feeling about your DS. If you want to wait another year I would do so. Boys are immature compared to girls as teenagers and I think that really is where problems arise.

Hi Mears
I think most people agree that girls cope better at being the youngest than boys. Interesting to hear about a 4th year boy. Do you know if the boy himself wishes he'd been eldest instead of youngest? I'm not sure when the trend for 'holding back' started. A teacher told me that parents had always been able to choose, it is just that no-one told them they had the choice!!

I'm coming round to the idea of holding him back, so is Hubbie. Do you think I would be thought of as a crazy mum if I went to his proposed High School and ask to speak to someone like a guidance teacher there about it?!

I think I might have a word with his nursery teacher too, and try to find out what other mums are planning next year. If, like Demented's son, his class has half a dozen 'oldies' in it then it might be an easier choice to make. I know I'll get a bit of opposition from friends and family, so I want to be really confident about the decision if we decide to hold off!

I know that an older (or younger) starting age doesn't guarantee success or happiness, but I want to give him the best chance of making the best of himself.

Badger7 - when we came back from NZ, we went back into our "old" classes, ie "back" 6 months again (....and yet somehow, despite having had to struggle to catch up in NZ, were behind again...!) - so he was still the youngest in his class.

Suedonim - I don't know if they have changed the cut-off dates within the last 40 years, but Mum said that if my brother had been born 2 days later, he wouldn't have been gone to school that year, ie his birthday was right on the cut-off. I know he was definitely the youngest in his year.