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Original poster

Child tried to push my ds into the road outside school

49 replies

mahonia7 · 16/06/2007 17:24

A child has been making my ds's life very difficult at school in the past week. He has attacked him three times in school with teachers as witnesses. The fourth attack was outside school (child waiting for my son). He tried to push my ds into the road.

Any advice gratefully received. This child is much bigger than my son and in one of the attacks in school picked up 6" metal staples and tried to go for my ds.

We are worried for his safety on Monday. We've had advice from police and they say they will get involved if school don't do anything.

Can I keep my ds off school until the school can guarantee his safety? The child in question has a SEN but this does not excuse the violence.

OP posts:

barney2 · 18/06/2007 13:39

Naive of me to think bullying was unheard of when I was a kid? Thanks!!

When I was at school - 1970s/1980s we didn't have bullying that I was aware of.

Some of today's kids go around in groups of 'must haves' - must have the latest mobile phone, the latest computer game, the latest IPod, MP3, PS2, the latest most expensive trainers, designer gear etc etc and I think if you're one of the kids that 'doesn't have' you get ostracised (spelling??!!)....my opinion and probably wrong again!

purpleduck · 18/06/2007 13:51

I used to think that there was no bullying in my school, but when i look back (rose colored glasses off!!) we just used to give it a different name.."teasing" or "bugging". There was one boy who got "teased" alot, and he ended up killing himself (that was after he dropped out of school). I do wonder if it is worse now though.
Mahonia, i would keep mine off or make sure that i was there all the time (yes I would go to class with him ) I'm so sorry your ds have to go throrough this. Unbelievable that it has happened 4 times!!

edam · 18/06/2007 13:58

Well, I was bullied pretty badly back in the early '80s. Think it has always been there, difference is schools are supposed to do something about it these days. Take a look at the Kidscape website or the Dept for Education and Skills for ideas about what the school SHOULD be doing.

barney2 · 18/06/2007 13:58

Yes we had teasing etc at school but not bullying as such - bullying wasn't a word that was used back in those days - I used to be teased at school for being one of just a few that would always wear school uniform (my Mum insisted on it) and the knitted cardigans and the sensible Clarks lace up shoes. I hated it and I used to get sneered at. Bullying nowadays is far worse - kids are being hurt, put in danger etc. If one of my dd's came home and told me they were being bullied my first instinct would be to take her out of that school and keep her at home but I don't know if thats the right or wrong thing to do because 1. She'll have to go back at some point and keeping her at home won't help her confidence and 2. The bully has won.

barney2 · 18/06/2007 14:00

sorry to hear that edam... praps I'm the one who had the rose tinted glasses on?!

Blandmum · 18/06/2007 14:43

I was badly bullied in the 70s, to the point of being hit over the head with an iron bar as I was getting off the school bus. Nothing was every said or done about it.

Bullying exsisted, it was just very often ignored

edam · 18/06/2007 14:55

Jeez MB, that is terrible.

Barney, I'm not particularly bothered by it now, but it did affect me very badly at the time and for a long time after. Knocked my confidence very badly. However, I am happy to report that the bullies have not achieved much - I look like a HUGE success story compared to them. Hah!

barney2 · 18/06/2007 16:25

MB - that was truly awful. Why was nothing done about it?

Blandmum · 18/06/2007 16:31

Because it was all taken as part of the normal run of things. Had I reported it to anyone the girl would have beaten me up.

I was in the dentist once and a girl a year yonger was in there having some emergency work done. I asked her what had happened and she told me that a specific girl (from a family of known nutcases) had kicked her in the mouth for 'looking at her in a funny way'.

This was all par for the course.

the only time I remember any intervention was when a girl was sexually asaulted on the school bus going home.

all in the 70s. You didn't dare say anything.

barney2 · 18/06/2007 17:01

Blimey. I'm shocked. That is just awful. So I stand corrected....things haven't got worse...they've just continued. I apologise. x

Blandmum · 18/06/2007 17:07

and fights were a regular thing, boys and girls. I teach in a similar school and tbh the background level of violence/bullying seems to be somewhat lower than I remember as a child.

Verbal bullying is taken far more seriously than it was when I was a child, for example.

The level of incidents tends to be somewhat worse IYSWIM. So I think there is probably less, but when it does happen it may very well be worse.

And obviously some forms of bullying, mobile phone and internet based didn't exsist when I were a nipper.

The Times Ed on Friday reported on a case of a child being returned to a school after he had been found to have set up a website urging that a specific teacher should be killed

Original poster

mahonia7 · 18/06/2007 23:12

Hi Everyone

Thanks for your replies. I've been to hell and back with this one today.

Not sure why the child is allowed out 10 minutes early ...

I allowed my son to go to school today as I had a reply from his head of year saying that he was going to investigate and get back to me by the end of the school day today.

However, this was not done. I had to phone and ask what was going on only to be told that nothing had been done as he was busy.

He also started to say that it was a clash of personalities but dropped it when I said that bullies operate under this umbrela when the victim is made to look like they contribute to the situation in some way.

He had not talked to anyone about it - teachers or pupils. I feel very let down as I trusted him with my son's safety.

He also tried to say that the school was not responsible for behaviour out of school which is untrue.

Not sure what to do about all this now. The head of year said the headmaster was 100% behind him. I get the feeling they want my son to leave. He is a good boy that does well at school whereas this child is always causing trouble and being sent out of lessons...

OP posts:

emsiewill · 18/06/2007 23:46

Why would they want your son to leave when he isn't a troublemaker?

barney2 · 19/06/2007 07:16

I'd make an appointment with the Head Teacher...find out if he is 100% behind the head of year. Sounds like a load of excuses to me.

hercules1 · 19/06/2007 07:40

The school isnt responsible for teh behaviour of children outside of schools. It really isnt.

If I were you I'd make an appointment to see the head.

Blandmum · 19/06/2007 08:03

I have to agree with Hercules here.

I work in a secondary school.

We had no end of trouble with kids being late for school because they were buying crap from a loical supermarket. We asked the shop to ban them, but as they were makeing money they refused. There was noting the school could do when the kids were off school property.

Eventually the kids started misbehaving, and the shop banned them. Thankfully!

But there was nothing we could do outside school land.

We do our best, since kids acting up in school uniform reflects badly on the school etc. But in reality there is very little that we can do.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/06/2007 08:13

www.bullying.co.uk is a good website to look at.

See the Headmaster asap. The school is responsible if this is happening either to or from school. My guess is that school cannot or will not deal with this matter effectively and the Head of year has adopted the time honoured stratgey of "if in doubt blame the victim".

This child is also above the age of criminal responsibility; I would speak to the police further about this matter.

Have you thought about issuing your DS with a personal attack alarm?.

Blandmum · 19/06/2007 08:15

Agree you need to talk to the head asap

bozza · 19/06/2007 08:28

Yes get on to the head, you only have the HofY's word for it that the head is completely behind him. I would worry about the situation escalating otherwise.

As an aside re the bullying of the past. I was bullied, much of it verbal from my own classmates, but there were other incidents. I remember walking down the road from school when I was about 11/12 and some much older boys spitting on the back of my coat. I had not much choice but to continue walking with this spit running down my back until I could get round the corner and wipe it off. Of course, this did me no physical damage but was quite humiliating.

bozza · 19/06/2007 08:29

BTW that was mid 80s.

barney2 · 19/06/2007 14:06

If the school aren't responsible for the kids outside of school surely they are responsible immediately outside the schoolgates?

Blandmum · 19/06/2007 14:09

Why? It isn't school property or on school time. We have the devils own job getting the buggers to behave on the buses, as we can't really do anything about their behaviour.
We can shout etc and bluster, but that is about all.

You do need to talk to the head about this. You also need to tell him that you have contacted the police, and if neccessary liase with them.

mankyscotslass · 19/06/2007 14:14

Barney, my niece was bullied at school for 3 years, sometimes they would wait for her just outside the school gates....outside the school gates, the school had no control over it. In saying that the school had no contol over it inside the gates either, her mum had to take her out of school.

hercules1 · 19/06/2007 20:23

Barney, my last school tried to deal with incidents that happened outside the school gates but the parents of the perpetrators would go apeshit at this and took it further as the school had no rights to discipline their kids outside of the school.

Sadly the kids tend to know the kids can do nothing once outside the gates as well.

It tended to get left to the police to come up and hang around to deal with it.

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