Being kept back in nursery for a year

[pepsi]

Can anyone help me, my little boy is 4 and is at a private nursery, he is due to go up to reception in september when he will be four and half. His nursery doubt he will be able to cope as he doesnt hold a pencil properly and doesnt join in answering questions or in talks about what they did at the weekend end, he is very insular at nursery and is happy to play by himself, thus most children dont involve him in play now. When he was alsmot three he had grommets put in, before then he suffered terribly with ear infections and sickness and his speech was below average, since the grommets his speech has improved greatly and he doesnt get sick anymore. Apparently he was 50% below normal hearing up until then.

At home he is different, he talks all the time, asking Why to everything which he doesnt do at nursery, he plays with other children, initiating it himself, he has a sister who is two who is very advanced for her age. He is the most lovely little boy, sleeps well as is very loving and likeable, everyone we know loves him.

At nursery he has seen a special needs teacher and they have their concerns, dyspraxia has been metnioned but nothing certain, we are waiting for an appointment to see a specialist to check this out further, but Im not convinced, he loves being read to at home, can pedal a bike and is a wiz at making wooden train tracks and enjoys cooking and is good at climbing and playing in the park.

This week the nursery suggested he stay in nursery for another year to increase his confidence, whilst I can see the logic in this I have my reservations as it would mean he would be five and half before he started reception. Has anyone got a child who has been kept back a year who could advise me on the pros and cons of this. At home he can count to 10, recognise his numbers (after a lot of effort) and is now recognising his letters and sounds, mainly t, a, s, e, m, n, but is really getting there, at nursery he doesnt display his talents. I think he is really bright, its breaking my heart so any help from anyone would really be appreciated. Im wondering if a private nursery is just too much for him and he would be better off in a good state primary, but Im worried about changing schools and getting it wrong, he likes smaller groups and works better in them so a big class probably wount help.

Our ds was pretty similar at 4. He was reluctant to join in group activites such as craft or cooking in the classroom. His OT has commented that he is a very different child out of the classroom, one to one. But I don't know whether this is normal or an issue. tbh I would n't worry too much about him having particular friends at this age. ds has a group of friends who he soemtimes plays with, sometimes not. A good teacher will engender a spirit of friendship within the classroom so noone need feel left out. tbh it might be better for him to move to Reception and get a different mix of children and teacher. Maybe a change is what he needs, how long has he been there ?

I'd agree with scummymummy. It sounds as if your ds'school is very exacting in their expectations, way beyond the tolerance of many other schools, state or private. Would it be an option to move him to Reception and review say in the Spring Term whether he should repeat. That way you would have given the expert opinions and any follow up therapy, if it were warranted, time to have an effect.

Are you intending your DS to go into a state primary when he reaches 7? If so, I think he'd be better off starting in reception there with everyone else given his confidence problems. In fact, if he's going to have to change schools at 7, isn't it better to get him into whichever school he'll be going to from reception?

Ds has been at his nursery since last September, goes in no fuss, comes out happy, he can easily amuse himself and is always busy, just not with the others. Our original intention was to send him to state school at 7 in the hope that the private system had given him confidence and he had caught up with "normal" following the delay in speech from the glue ear. However now we are worried that integrating at 7 might be awful for him and am trying to get him into a good state school. The schools in our catchment are poor. Ive tried for one a short drive away but they are full, but are hoping to get an extension of 7 places which they will know about fairly soon, its wait and see. Have another one to contact today so can only do our best. Basically weve fucked up and I feel totally responsible for it.

Nursery agrees having brother and sister in same nursery class will not work and it wont happen so I can cancel that one out. Has anyone got tips on the confidence thing or indeed have had a child kept back in nursery, so far no replies in the area.......any pros for being kept back out of interest. One of the good primary schools nearish us is Catholic, we are not catholic, or anything really, what would it mean to go to a catholic school, Im a bit thick on religious things....my Mum is a non-believer so its not something I was brought up with.

Hi again Pepsi

I think the confidence thing is crucial, and that if you can get the happiness and confidence right, the schoolwork will follow in time, whereas the reverse is really not true. If a child feels happy and accepted for him- or herself, however much of an odd little bunny he or she may actually be, then that's all you can ask for.

We made a decision two years ago not to move dd1 to a highly academic private school at 7 despite her complaining endlessly of being bored in her primary school. With hindsight it was absolutely the right decision, as she's gained enormously in confidence and social skills. I'm sure she'd be a bit further ahead academically at the private school, but ultimately that's worth nothing without the happiness.

With regard to the Catholic school, admissions policies vary from school to school, and will depend in part on how oversubscribed they are. Whereabouts in the country are you? Here in London most of the Catholic primary schools are so oversubscribed that although non-Catholics can be considered for admission, in reality all the places are taken by practising Catholics who can support their application by a letter from the priest.

I would make an appointment with the headteacher of any school you might be considering, Catholic or not, and discuss with them the issues you've been posting here. Children who can show a particular need which a school can meet may be considered slightly differently from routine admissions, as may people applying at non-standard ages. I would suspect, however, that the school will have just completed their admissions round for September's reception places. Go and ask, and if you think a school might be right for your son then keep plugging away. Places do come up, and you sound like a very caring, supportive parent, which is never a bad thing from a headteachers viewpoint!

Sorry about length -- hth!

Pepsi, I haven't read all this thread but repeating a year in nursery is quite common up here in Scotland. The whole system is somewhat different here, with children starting school somewhere between 4.5 and 5.5yo. If a parent/teacher feels that a young child isn't ready to move on, they can just do another year in nursery. It mainly seems to be boys that repeat, but my friend has done it with both her girls. In every case I know of, it's been most successful, they've come on in leaps and bounds. Although a child may then be almost 6 when they start school that doesn't seem to cause a problem and is far preferable to a child struggling to cope amongst their peer age group. Good luck in your decision.

As I said before, DSs reception class has a "friend of the week" system where they pair the children off and they do certain activities together. Could this be something your nursey implements to help the children mix and make different friends? This would benefit all the children, especially as they may have to learn to make new friends come September. I'm not sure if this has een addressed somewhere in the thread but do you have the ability to increase your son's days/hours that he goes so he spends more time with the other children? It could be thta they "forget" about him when he's not there and continue with things they've played in other groups.

Yes, we are increasing his hours, he will do all day Mon, half day Tue and all day Wed and Thur in the hope that he will be more accepted and interact more.

This education lark is a nightmare isn't it?!

Your bloody well right there Soupdragon. But on the positive side I have contacted my two favoured primary schools and they are both hopefully, one has one space come up due to family moving to Spain, the governors will decide, I think theres a few others interested so we will see how it goes, the other is full but they think they are getting the go ahead for a further 7 spaces, 4 are already taken up with appeals but there is a good chance for us as we are coming from a private school so it would mess up the numbers in another reception class if you see what I mean and it means less work for the LEA. Who knows, but Im feeling more positive, if we have the offer of a space at state school we would be more relaxed about ds staying down in nursery....on fact it could be the making of him, he could stay down in Sept and start a new reception in Jan 2005, everything crossed.

Thought those of you who responded to my thread last week might like to know that we have now been offered a place in a primary school, so if we feel that the private route is not right for him we have another option in January, so if he is kept back in September and we feel its not the right thing for him we could start him in Jan 2005 with his right peer group and well just hope we have done the right thing....if you ever know. Its a weight off of my mind to know that there is a place in a good school, its Catholic and we are not Catholic but am not really worried about that.....any advice on differences I can expect appreciated. Totally uneducated myself Re: religion and different faiths Im ashamed to say. Still waiting for a date to see the specialist but have hearing test on Monday and this week he will be doing more days so that may help with the socialisation.

That's fabulous news Pepsi - great that you've got that option to hold on to. It will still be hard to make the decision when the time comes, but I'm sure in 6 months time it will be a lot clearer to you what sort of setting he needs to flourish and prosper.

That's great news! At least you know you've got something to fall back on .