Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

A full bursary is a stupendous thing to be in possession of pompoms.

Prep or senior? (Don't name the school unless they offer hundreds ...)

Whether you will be different from most of the families or not depends on the criteria you're using to judge difference. Will you be the only family that has sought out the best education they can possibly find for their child? Will you be the only family with a child who, by reason of brains, talent or whatever, prompted you to look beyond the school at the end of the road? Will you be the only family who has spent months, if not years, waiting anxiously for "the letter"? Will you be the only ones almost fainting with anticipation and excitement over the summer? (And probably trying to get your head around the purchase and organization of more kit than you've ever seen in your life? (Even if it's going straight to the school)) Unless you're only judging on presumed number of bedrooms and farawayness of holidays of other families you may have to admit that you're not actally that different ...

But yes, it may well be life changing. There was a very wonderful R4 prog months ago about the tradition and evolution of fee assistance at independent schools, in which a rather nice sounding man, the new head at a major school, (not that one ...) used exactly those words. He said he'd had parents burst into tears in his office when he gave them the good news.

Hello Pompom. Don't worry about being "different": we're all different! Your ds's school wouldn't have given him a full bursary if they didn't think that he would be a great fit and asset to the school. He'll have a great time. You will miss him but boarding means that family time in the holidays is very special.

Hello! i'm guessing we're discussing all things general to boarding here, if not i do apologise and will start another thread.

DS 13 has just finished his first yr a school. Yesterday he complained of boredom and not having any friends to hang out with. This was following DH and i deciding we needed to limit time on gaming. I told ds to contact his friends from prep, but he complained they never answer their phones, and when they do they always want to do an activity that involves going to London etc and he is exhausted! in short he just wants a nearby friend to hang out with in the garden or watch telly together. His new BF at school lives in the school town! quite a journey, although we plan to arrange a sleepover at some point in the hols, this week is impossible and next.

What do your dc do for friendship groups when back home, also ds joined his
prep in yr 6, so friendship groups were not that cemented if you see what i mean by the time he left, although he made some nice friends.

Absolutely what vixsatis said.

(After a few years here I'm pretty sure I could type "what vixsatis said" after her every post without even reading it first ..)

I forgot to ask how far you'll be from the new school pompoms. If you're not too distant you may find yourself seeing far more of your DS than you had hoped anticipated. (Particularly if Prep.) If you're half a day's journey away you'll spend the next few years in a constant mental battle of "should I stay or should I go?" If you go it (concert, match, whatever) will be cancelled) if you stay away you'll guilt yourself into a gibbering shadow.

Actually that may be one thing that international parents do differently. They seem to be able to cross continents for every coffee concert and Colts match.

By the way - when I said possibly life changing I really don't mean necessarily in exam results. (That seems to be a focus of comparison often used by MN posters who er ... lack current experience.) I meant day to day life from now.

boardingmama I think having friends scattered around during the holidays is one of the few downsides of boarding.
Over the years I found there things 1. Many boarders love being at home doing nothing, life is so busy at boarding school the chance to just get of the treadmill of a busy life and just do nothing I think is very important, there is little space or privacy for boarders. 2. I make an extra effort to enable DS to see his friends, unfortunately we don't have public transport here so this does involve me or DH driving around. 3. Many boarders just like being at home enjoying the simple things is life, laying in bed till 2pm, decent food, walking the dog etc.
pompom if your boarding school is secondary I really wouldn't worry to much contact with other parents is quite limited. most are two busy to be interested in who's on a bursary and who's different, just be yourself.

I do think eating in houses makes a difference. One school with a central dining hall which we looked around, the boy who showed us round admitted that he often stayed in bed and skipped breakfast, and then said "but don't tell Mr X (housemaster)"

I was about that. Whilst Mr X might well have been aware of it and ignoring it for reasons of his own, it did make me think that if they ate in house then there was no chance that Mr X wouldn't know who was eating what - and the house staff would also have a pretty good idea of anyone who was gorging on tuck or general junk. The latter is also a good argument for staff having control of cash, at least in first few years, rather than the DC having cash/debit cards - much easier to spot the child buying chips every day.

For this and other reasons (generally being confident that someone who knows them well has set eyes on them at least 3 times a day) I have a strong preference for eating in houses, although I know it is more expensive to run.

HG, thank you. I definitely need to have a plan of action next time before they break up, this is our first long holiday. DS still bed for now

Stealth I also like the idea of eating in house as the boys (in our case) bond more and it replicates more of a family environment. Although there is something to be said for the whole school eating together and the friendships ties from that.

I agree stealth and it creates a stronger camaraderie between pupils in an individual house IMO. Unfortunately the number of school that offer eating in house is quite small.
I have to say I don't think you can expect HM's etc to be constantly monitoring junk food eating they're far too busy. I'm assuming you don't stand over your child's every purchase? At secondary children are also old enough to make their own decisions. I know schools where house staff do hold money for younger pupils but they still go off into the local town and buy sweets etc. Monitoring at tendencies in the dinning hall be it in house or a central dinning hall varies from school to school. At some schools matrons/house staff accompany younger pupils to central dinning halls, when children eat in house in some older pupils monitor attendance at breakfast in others nothing is done.

I wouldn't expect anyone to be constantly monitoring, and of course they make their own decisions and the occasional junk food is not going to do any harm. I would, however, expect a housemaster to at least question if a child was burning through money faster than their peers for no apparent reason, and to raise concerns if they think there are extreme or harmful eating patterns developing.

stealth IME when HMs hold money for younger pupils most get the same amount out and rush of to the local shops to purchase generous helping of sweets etc. HMs matrons etc might discuss with pupils any high levels of junk food consumption but do not actively try and reduce consumption by restricting money.

At DS2's school the children have their own money and can go into Winchester in their free time and obviously consume what ever they want, I strongly suspect that if an HM started raising concerns about junk food eating the boys would carry in purchasing it/eating it jusr make sure house staff don't see.
IME every boarding school I've ever visited both as a patents and professionally many children moan about the food, and in many cases the food isn't great I'm not sure Id want to eat it 7 days a week 33 weeks of the year. But one big name boarding school has excellent food but still the children moaned and many at the first chance go up their local high street and purchase alternatives healthy or not.
I just think it's part of being at boarding school.

Another one happy to have DS home - be he is now home for good (Thank you Happy - I managed to keep the moist eyes to a level where he has not disowned me) . Well I say , for good, fingers crossed for August and he will be off to University. I agree with Summer, in that we've probably had our worst "empty nest" syndrome already and are better prepared for him going off there. The difference, I guess, will be that my DS (although full boarding) did come home a fair few Sundays so I will probably get longer stretches without seeing him.

I agree with liking eating in house. In DS's house boys have to come down for breakfast - it is very much noticed if not. If they eat their school meals those are pretty balanced, and DS's house has good food (apparently it went through a rocky patch a few years ago. but to be fair I don't get the impression the HM was particularly monitoring who bought pizza or sweets outside mealtimes.

Anyway I have to say it has been an extremely positive experience for DS, so for those at the opposite end of it to me, I can understand any apprehension, but don't worry. Boardingmama I remember the first couple of holidays DS wing shattered and not wanting to do very much. We actually live in London so I have already seen a few of DS's friends. Of course because of his marvellous personality and not because they want to come up to London. To begin with, though he did stay in touch with a few friends locally and would see them in the holidays.

We have found that friendship circles. Do not break down just because the girls have gone back home. My DD after boarding is quite happy to be at home reading a book. Although she never wakes till 1pm. She blames jet lag. Her close friends all in different timezones seem to find whatsapping about doing nothing quite fun.

I also asked about do you know who are on busaries. She said yes but no one really cares.

Gruach please educate me about your new name.
BoardingMama I would n't worry about him being bored at this early stage, it takes time for them to adjust to having their days filled and with constant socialising to being at home.
We tend to meet up as a group of local friends occasionally grown-ups and DCs to go for a walk or whatever. That at least provides some catch-up time. How much they then want to socialise is up to them but as Kenlee says, the socialising with a wider group of friends is going on anyway by social media.
Personally I would n't limit gaming time for the first couple of weeks if that is his relaxation. He will be catching up for lost time just like for the sleep.

summer She is the magnificent heroine (widow of Macbeth but we'll let that pass,) in one of my very favourite plays - David Greig's Dunsinane.

I thought it was something to do with Macbeth, that's why I was a bit worried about what schemes you had planned for summer .

It's a prep school, it's 2 hrs away but hope to make matches and events when I can. I've got audible which will come in handy for journeys, I am sure I will be the best read/ listened person I know ;)

Ah yes the duvet cover hunt has began! DS has set up a board on my Pinterest just for this.

No duvet cover hunt.

However - an update on the tuck box (absence of) trauma. It appears it's only the hoarding of tuck that is frowned upon - the box itself has been chosen!

Yes mine can't get his head around the no tuck in the tuck box rule. We did look for second hand one I thought it might let him decorate the outside or get spray paints etc make it his own but I didn't see any on eBay I guess people don't get rid of them. Not sure if this is done thing, maybe after a few years when it's abit tatty

lovelypompoms a lot of DCs don't have tuck boxes and tuck is definitely frowned upon by some prep schools although the rule is often flouted by parents and boys. They do need a lockable cupboard (which usually the DCs have in their house) especially when they get older.

DS isn't allowed a tuck box: in fact we're asked not to supply them with extra food at all, and they have a tuck night at school where they all get to choose a certain number of things, and there's a cupboard they can keep their tuck in (if they choose not to eat it all on tuck night).

At prep school, a duvet cover with a football team on won't be wrong, or something space/sci-fi for those that aren't footy fans.

howtodrain my DS still has his football duvet several years on at senior. I can see him taking it to university!

My DS has always been allowed to bring a lockable "tuck box" and very important it seems to be. It's not just tuck that's kept in it but other personal/valuable possessions. Senior school often provide safes for pupils (not sure if DS2's school does), but a couple of friends with DC's at other boarding schools have had theirs broken into by other pupils which is why I suspect tuck boxes are popular with many. Safes are also not as big as most tuck boxes.