Every time DS does anything new, people always go "well, of course that's no real indication of future ability"... so what is?

[Anchovy]

Just interested really. DS is 5 and in Reception and I have absolutely no idea in relative terms whether he is bright or not, or how he compares to his peers. He could literally be a year ahead or a year behind of the developmental average for all I know. I don't even know what the developmental average is! Sometimes he does or says things which seem to me to be astonishingly clever, other times he says and does things which are - frankly - quite the opposite. Obviously, this is all just part of 5 year old life, but of course I have no idea what other 5 year olds are like.

It doesn't actually matter to me, because after all he's my boy and I love him, but I'm quite interested in what any teachers think are key signs of intelligence in small children. I'm guessing its not age at which they learn to walk, for example, although I have heard age at which they learn to speak and rapid language development. Is it how quickly they learn to read? Is it how they can discuss stories they have had read to them? Is it how thoroughly and constantly they pick their nose ?

I've got our first real open evening in 2 weeks time, so I guess I'm going to find out something then, but I expect the school is far too nice to say anything specific. Guess I'm going to have to resort to looking in his classmates reading report books when they come round for tea...

Here are some things, just for interest:

• doesn't ask "why?" questions, asks "is that because [insert theory]?" instead

• voracious pick-up of new ideas: has halves & quarters explained & shortly after announces "Guess what! Three-quarters of an hour is one thirty-second of a whole day!"

• won't let go of an idea - chases it like a hare and wants to make all sorts of connections

• is total (verging on expellable) pain at school when personal hares can't be chased/new ideas not endlessly on tap/required to sit and listen

What are you saying bink, that it's a good thing to be an expellable pain?

My dd is near top of her class and is definitely not like that!

Bink

He sort of does the first one and the third one. In general, he doesn't just ask "why" all the time, but wants to develop it and link it in with other things. So he would take a piece of information and link it in with something he already knows (I will have to try and think of some ideas). So not just parrot-like learning, really thinking about things. Also good at cause and effect. But then I don't know what other 5 year olds do. He also has an extremely retentive memory - can remember what we ate when we went to places, what we talked about, who wore what etc.

Your maths example - never in a million years! (but he was only 5 two weeks ago!)

Constantly pursuing things - no: laid back personality - see "coasting"!

Anchovy: You don't know what you're going to be told? If it's anything like our first parents' evening in Reception what you'll be told is 'fine'. DD1's reading - fine, DD1's number work - fine, DD1's socialisation - fine, DD1's gross motor skills - hang on, don't tell me, I think I may be getting a pattern here, could it be 'fine'? Her teacher did mention something about DD1's tendency to daydream but by that time I'd lost focus and was thinking about how hungry I was.

Oh and just on a WOHM note: I came back on the train last night with a very high-powered WOHM from DD1's class. In answer to my question 'So have you met Mrs

bluejelly - don't worry - I was only talking about my ds, whose ability goes with some real downsides. There are lots of lovely teachable co-operative bright children, it's just that he's not.

There's not only one kind of intelligence and it's very difficult to measure... if you ask me

OK, I will report back next week as to the outcome. As I see it it could go one of three ways

Scenario 1: "Well, Anchovy - your DS is the brightest child it has ever been our pleasure to have in Reception. His critique-ing of the antics of "Biff and Chip" is particularly well received."

Scenario 2: "Umm, Anchovy - your DS is ..erm.. a nice boy. His nose-picking is well developed. Can we try and get him to show the same dedication to his Jolly Phonics flash cards."

Scenario 3: Ah, yes - young Anchovy: yes I've checked my notes and he is doing...fine"

I feel it is going to be the scenario 3 as the most likely!

Love your train story issymum

Re coded use of "fine": I have just remembered ds's first reception evening and it went "well, academically he's fine, and more than fine ..." which was her taking a deep breath before launching into the problems. So "fine" (and genuinely non-qualifiedly "fine") is what you want.

To add a little perspective and confusion on all this. My DH was labelled a remedial (that's what they called him in those days) and had to attend special classes. Always a no hoper according to his teachers and his parents were extremely worried. He was bottom of all subjects and just didn't get it - a little like my DS1 is today. Today my DH is Managing Director of a well known company and is bloody great at his job. I know loads of people who have high IQ's and have done brilliantly accedemically but in terms of career development have not done as well as my DH. This keeps me going when we have our down moments with DS1.
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