to christen or not to christen...

[2under2]

Our local, enormous primary school does not have a good ofsted report and, due to it being close to US military base, a very rapid turnover of pupils. ALL the surrounding schools are very good, small (30-60 pupils) but CoE vonlutarily controlled and oversubscribed. We are not Christians and the thought of having my children christened makes me feel very uncomfortable, but the thought of them going to our local primary school is even less appealing. Our youngest daughter (now 1) has Down's Syndrome and we feel she would really benefit from attending a small, friendly primary school with a positive track record. I think our chances of gaining a place for our eldest, who will be four next year, at one of the good primary schools are slim unless I sudenly decide to become religious. This would seem very false to me but in a way I feel I have no choice. The whole situation makes me rather angry and I feel very discriminated against. There is one prep school nearby but it's pricey and too big in my opinion. Someone please offer their opinion on this dilemma.

Yes, Maryz, that sums it up for us as well. 2under2, you say there are several church primaries nearby, so is there a chance of at least one accepting you on the grounds of attendance, not baptism?

Not having had my sons baptised, I am wondering is it possible to amend the words of the baptism at all( as you can do for a wedding service) to fit in more with your beliefs?

Or is there such a thing as a humanist baptism or a simple, less religious blessing?

I think we'll try the attendance route and go this Sunday (I actually like going to church but dh is very negative about it). We'd like our oldest (almost 3) to go to Sunday school anyway regardless of the whole school issue. I find the idea of keeping a lively 1 year old quiet for the duration of a service a bit daunting, though. Well, it's worth a go.

2under2, there are quite a lot of families at our church where one of the adults prefers not to attend for whatever reason. This is not held against anyone in any way, and neither should it be. Good luck. Our local church school is excellent at supporting children with special needs so I hope you get the solution you need for all your family.

When I met my dh he was an agnostic and I was a practising Catholic. I never forced my faith on him but I went to Church every Sunday and holy day and made no secret of praying. Eventually he started to come to Church on occassions such as Christmas and Easter. Still he was adament that if we did have children, they would not go to a Catholic school as they would be "brainwashed". However since having dd I have taken her to Church almost every Sunday, had her baptised in the Church and tried to get involved with our local parish. Dh is much more open about it these days, he goes with me to Church every Sunday and has started reading the Bible.

So 2under2, if you enjoy going to Church, don't let your dh put you off. If he sees how much you enjoy it, he will be curious to go himself. It's often when people see how happy and down to earth Christians are, that they start to explore Christianity for themselves. I am not saying that you will choose to convert, but I am sure that your Church will give you a big welcome and if you are seen getting involved in your local parish, your kids may well be accepted without them having to be baptised.

One last thought, have you considered having a word with your vicar? In religious schools, the vicar is often on the board of school governors. You could explain your feelings to him, that you want your children to decide when they are older whether to get baptised or not, but you are happy to get involved in the parish. I am sure he will be sympathetic. Many Christians are now choosing to wait until adulthood to be baptised, the Jehovah's Witnesses are one religion that do this.

BTW I think you would make a great addition to any church!

I'm a firm believer in letting children decide for themselves as they get older.

My parents had arguments with my father's Mum because of this. She wanted us to be Christened into C of E but my parents said they wouldn't make us join a football club without our permission!

I am in a similar position to Rhubarb, dh confirmed atheist, me confirmed (ha,ha) R.C. DH comes for special occasions, had similar objections about "brainwashing". Visits to school and church have led him to concede that he was wrong about this. So perhaps 2under2 you could persuade your dh to be open-minded enough to "have a look" as he may find things are very different to what he imagines. I'm not sure what part of the country you're in but if these are village primary schools controlled by the cofE you may find that some are more relaxed than admissions criteria suggest.

There are two types of church school - voluntary controlled and voluntary aided. I think it is the aided ones that get some money from the church and have more "church" governors. Their entrance requirements might be stricter than the other type but I believe both are obliged to follow the national curriculum and give information about other faiths.

Two of my three children have attended a private christian school since kindergarten. They are 9 and 12. My entire family are christians. As far as our school and church we beleive according to the scriptures of the bible we must be saved and to show our new beginning life as a chiristian we get baptized infront of our church congregation. According to the holy bible we are to baptize our children( total body in water )when they are at the age when they understand why they are being baptized. This also is for when a person gets saved. Which to go to heaven the Lord says in the bible we must be.