Do children with pushier parents achieve more?

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Do you think that children with pushier parents achieve more? I've always gone along the 'let them be children' route, but am now wondering if in fact I should have being doing more English/maths with them at home. Both my eldest two are very bright imo, and ds1 can read fluently at the end of reception, but I just wonder if I should have done more with him at home. Dd is just 3, and knows half her letters, can write her name etc, but compared to a lot of children of friends is behind. Now I know that the important thing for starting school is to be out of nappies, able to talk, and to sit still - she's fine at all that, but I don't want her to be 'behind' simply because of my failings as a parent. She's starting school in September 07.

What my children are fab at is imagination - they are both highly creative, and what I'm hoping you'll all say is that that's because they've been allowed to play and not been pushed!

Freakonomics doesn't say middle-class parents can't have children with SEN. It looks at populations. And, in general, the best determinant of educational success is your parents' level of education. Individuals can be exceptions to the rule, of course. But the children of people who have professional qualifications are more likely to get qualfiications themselves.

Never heard of freakonomics but am curious. People with professional qualifications are more likely to have children who achieve same? Is that because the intelligence is passed down in the genes or because someone who presumably benefitted from these qualifications (ie got a good job earning good money = good lifestyle etc) encourages child to do same?

I was first in whole family to go to university. Just wanted to. Noone encouraged me or were even interested because it had never formed part of their lives. Now, being married to someone who also went to uni, I kind of presume my children will do same???? Maybe they won't, but I would like them to, as I loved it and would want them to experience what I did???

Who knows.

"pushy" parents of children with SN, push the system though, not the child.

I would define "pushy" parents as those who have an inflated opinion of how clever/talented their child is, and who are working to satisfy their own requirements, rather than the needs of the child. They are trying to push the child further than they are actually able to go, whereas parents with a better idea of their child's ability support them and enable them to fufill their potential - and give them the confidence to go further themselves.

BTW I wouldn't call parents of SEN children "pushy" for fighting to get their child's needs fulfilled.

The main thrust of the "Freakonomics" piece was that what you are like, rather than what you do, has the greatest bearing on how well your children do at school. In a nutshell, the study they quote says that (no surprises here) bright people tend to have bright children. This is a massive oversimplification, and I thoroughly recommend the book overall for an interesting read.

I feel a bit sensitive on the whole 'pushy parent' thing. I am quite pushy, I think,but nothing like some of the parents I know.

But then what is pushy? Is it pushy to teach my 3 year old to read when he wanted to? It's not seen as pushy to teach a 3 year old to ride a bike. Is it pushy to practise my 7 year old's times tables with him or is that just 'a supportive home environment'?

I would define pushy as wanting your child to be the best. Rather than wanting you child to do the best to their ability.

So teaching a child to read at 3 if they are asking is not pushy. Teaching a child to read at 3 who is showing no interest in it and is asking to go to the park is pushy.

The book sounds good- I will read it definitely.

I found my attitude to schooling and academics changed dramatically with the understanding of how severe ds1's SN's are. I think I would have been very different if we only had ds2 and ds3 and no ds1.

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That is so true Jimjams re pushy parents wanting their child to be the best, I would even go so far as to say they simply want their child to be "better than" (all their peers).

I agree with Jimjams - I think there is nothing wrong with supporting your child to achieve to the best of their ability - whatever that ability is.

IMO if you push children too hard i.e want/expect them to be the best if this is not realistic - it can result in anxiety disorders and a feeling that whatever they do is never good enough.

I went to a pottery party last year for a 3 year old. All the parents were there with their kids. Without fail , every parent (apart from me), did most of the painting of their childs tile/figurine and then cooed about how wonderfully artistic their child was FFS !! My sons was a total mess - but I was proud as he did it himself !!

In my experience the pushy parents I know push their children to do what they (the parents) want them to do and do not take the child's wishes into account.

However, take Judy Murray for example. Obviously Andy Murray had a natural inclination to tennis, but she must have at some point been a pushy parent. He has obviously never had a 'normal' childhood with lots of pointless hanging about street corners (did a bit of that myself, now when I see kids doing it I tut), his weekends and evenings were tennis, tennis, tennis.

HOWEVER, if your child really does show a talent at something, you have to follow through with that don't you???? Even if it means sacrificing a bit of their childhood AND much of your life.

Interesting...hmmmm...

Eg, in our local swimming club (where my boys are at the lowest level) there are 7 and 8 year olds who practice 4 times a week. Now that is a huge commitment for child and parent.

But if (what's the chances) one of the coaches came up to me and said one of my sons had a bit of talent and was putting them to this group, I'd be in a dilemma. They have other things they like doing, as well as doing nothing. I'm sure I'd be seen as a pushy parent if they did swim 4 times a week, but part of me would hate to deny them the opportunity of success.

This is all academic, they are sinkers.

I swam competitively as a child (still got the shoulders to prove it!) and trained several times a week. Until I didn't want to any more, which, strangely enough was about the exact moment that I found boys interesting

My parents didn't bat an eyelid, they didn't make a murmur when I dropped it (my mother was probably secretly pleased not to have to take me to all that practice!)

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