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Original poster

really worried...

27 replies

alexsmum · 19/07/2006 14:47

ds1 camae home from school yesterday with a note saying that anyone with children born between..(can't remember) and 31st august2003 have to collect their application forms from school for them to start next year.
now ds2 is an august 2003 birthday.
he is incredibly young. as i speak he is pottering around naked, he has a little toddler tummy, he likes his dummy at bedtime.he's just learning to use the loo.he's my baby in other words.i can't believe i'm expected to let him start full time school in 12 months.
they don't do any breaking them in gently-it's a full day right from the off and no january intake.and much as you can say reception is all play, i know ds1 had homework every week and was really pushed.
have previously spoken to head teacher about this and she said that while it's not encouraged, it's my choice if i want to keep him back a year.this is what i want to do.but a discussion on here the other day, said he would have to go straight into year 1. i can't do that to him.
i am so worried about this and what to do.
i just wish he'd been born 2 weeks later and then i wouldn't even have to think about it, and isn't that ridiculous?

OP posts:
Whizzz · 19/07/2006 14:51

Yes but they change so much in a year. I'm sure that he will be fine when it comes to his turn to start school.

shimmy21 · 19/07/2006 14:52

Yes, the system is crazy. I agree that summer born children are far too young to start reception.

If the head is prepared to discuss ds starting later is she not prepared to discuss a more gradual easing in period? Are there any other more flexible schools in the area?

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 19/07/2006 14:53

My ds1's birthday is Aug 25th, so he started full-time at 4 years + 1 week, no settling in days either.

He did seem very young and lagged behind a little in the beginning but coped very well. A year will make a huge difference alexsmum

Original poster
alexsmum · 19/07/2006 14:53

but he will literally just four.

he's not even 3 yet!

OP posts:
southeastastra · 19/07/2006 14:54

i know! mine's starting year one in september and he is still four! he is doing well though and got used to reception quite quickly.

PiccadillyCircus · 19/07/2006 14:54

It's times like this I am glad that DS was born in November 03 (although the school he will go to has a rolling start the term after they are 4, and they go just mornings for the first two terms).

Original poster
alexsmum · 19/07/2006 14:55

shimmy- couldn't send him to a different school as ds1 is already settled there.
will have to go and talk to the head again.find out whether she would expect him to go into reception or year 1.

OP posts:
Piffle · 19/07/2006 14:59

my dd will be nearly 5 being an october baby but I@m thinking about keeping her out as well
FWIW I kept ds out until he was actually 5

Original poster
alexsmum · 19/07/2006 15:01

if i keep him back, he will be just five when he starts.(end of august b'day)
did he go into reception piffle?

OP posts:
shimmy21 · 19/07/2006 15:04

I'm not advocating this, but have wondered - if you register your ds for reception in the term he would normally be expected to start but then find he isn't up to a full week, is there anything stopping you from sending him in only 3 days a week with a sick note to explain his absence the other two days? (You could probably quite genuinely claim that he was too tired for school on the 2 days he didn't go.)

I know it would make you unpopular with the school because it would muck up their attendance records but providing you explain each absence so that it is 'authorised' you need to think what's best for ds.
Just a thought.

mumandlovingit · 19/07/2006 15:08

my eldest son was 4 at the end of june 2005.he started school mornings in the sept and full time in the january.he's come on so well and i really worried about him being so young.he can now read alot and write his letters etc.they grow up so quickly once they're there.i wouldnt worry too much.when i applied for the school my son was still in nappies and having bottles to drink from.in that year he was fully toilet trained and off the bottles before going to school.my youngest will be 4 in august this year and he starts school sept part time and full time in january.he has development delays and speech problems but i know that once hes there he will get all the help he needs to thrive and fit in well.dont panic.reception is mainly play and any help that your child needs to settle in etc he will get.i dont think holding a child back will help.he'll change alot in the next year so i wouldnt panic.

nooka · 19/07/2006 15:24

My dd is the opposite, as she is an early September. She's just finishing receptions, which she has coasted through, but I do remember thinking that she was ready to start last year, and she found her final year in nursery very frustrating, all her best friends moved on to school, and she wasn't very challenged. She is now moving into a mixed year 1/2 class, and I am glad that she will no longer be the oldest and tallest in her class. It will be interesting to see what happens next year. That said she has only had very occasional homework this year beyond her sound of the week and book bag.

cazzybabs · 19/07/2006 15:28

shimmy21 if you did that you would get a visit from the educational welfare officer!

Marina · 19/07/2006 15:33

Ds is an end June boy and was the youngest in his year when he started. He coped really well and many schools do take special care of their summer children.
It may be less bad than you fear alexsmum

Original poster
alexsmum · 19/07/2006 17:10

right i have just made an appointment to talk to the headteacher tomorrow.several of you have said that your children started part-time in september,did half days etc.
they don't do any of that .it's full time right from day one.
apart froma general feeling of 'he's just too young' i'm worried about the sitting still and concentrating-boys have enough trouble with that anyway, and it just being too much.he's fast asleep as we speak and always has an afetrnoon nap, and my ds1 kept on having his his until he was 4.he started at 4.6 and that 6 months mad e a big difference.

OP posts:
Clary · 19/07/2006 17:16

alexsmum my older 2 are both summer birthdays and they have been fine.
IKWYM about ds2 being a baby (my ds2 is April 2003 and he still seems like my baby too) but as others say, he will come on so much in a year.
He wil be OK. Especially with an older brother, by the time he's 4 he'll probably be desperate to go to school.
DS1 blazed a trail and dd (who was 5 at end June and is just finishing reception) has followed so well.
I agree that it's a bad idea to hold him back and then start in Yr 1. FS2 is avery important stage and not to be missed. Unless there are very special reasons to hold him back (like a pal of mine whose august born DS has a massive developmental delay) then he will start in yr1 at 5. My pal who didpersuade the school to let her DS start in reception at 5 and a week had a huuuuge battle about it and had to produce statements and all sorts. I take it there's no SN issue alexsmum. Don't worry, he will honestly be fine I am sure.

nooka · 19/07/2006 20:33

I do think that schools do much better with the two entry system though. I think it helps the teachers to get half the class settled so they can give more attention to the little ones starting off. Also they have a nice easy term! dd started with only 11 in her class for the first term - it was great! ds started in January (he's a May baby), and that worked well too.

mumandlovingit · 19/07/2006 21:44

alexsmum
reception year isnt about sitting down and concentrating but play and learning through play, they do stories, role play, mobilo and painting, lots of other normal activities that they do at playgroup now.my eldest child cant sit down for more than five minutes without getting distracted but he's sailed through reception year fine.honestly, express your feelings to the school and if your child is having any problems im sure they'll discuss them with you once hes settled in but at least give him the chance.im sure once hes there a couple of weeks he'll love it.my eldest crashed out on the sofa after school, for the first few weeks of going full time then was fine.its always daunting when a child starts school.my second is starting in sept and i know that i'll be in tears but i'll be worrying over nothing as i know that once he's there he'll be having loads of fun and making new friends.going to the school before he starts in sept and discussing his developmental and speech needs with his teacher so she's aware of help he needs etc and that he's not as mature as some others.can you do that with the teacher there? it might help put your mind at rest next year when he's starting.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/07/2006 10:18

Alexsmum both my ds1 and ds2 used to fall asleep on the carpet during afternoon story-time. The teacher used to beckon me in at home time and I'd go and scoop them up.

Hope you chat with the head goes well and you come to an agreement that will put you at ease.

Original poster
alexsmum · 20/07/2006 23:21

went to see the head and she has advised me to just wait it out for now. the application doesn't have to be in until december, so she has suggested we meet again at the end of november to see how he is getting on at pre school and how much it is tiring him out.
she said if i still feel the same , then not to put the application until the following year.
he will be able to start in reception not go straight into year 1 providing there is a space for him.( she also said it was unlikely that there wouldn't be a space for him)she also said there were other options like him going part time etc .
not sure how i feel about this as wouldn't want him to be the odd one out.
Anyway now i know she is sympathetic i feel a bit more relaxed.

OP posts:
sparklemagic · 21/07/2006 00:04

Hi Alexsmum! I'm glad the head was quite flexible. I really wonder at them not having any part time starting! It's good that she is flexible about your DS possibly doing p/t but I'm dismayed they don't offer a gentle start to the young ones!

tbh I wouldn't worry about it making your DS the odd one out, I don't think kids think in quite that way at reception age, so I think do what he needs and don't worry that it will have a negative impact if he does p/t, I'm sure 99% of the other kids won't even realise he'sdoing it.

I totally agree with where you are coming from about this being too young to start school, it's such a shame we're in such a hurry inthis country. And I do agree with others who say your DS will change ALOT this year. I felt EXACTLY the same about my DS, used to say to people "look at him, he's still a toddler but will be in school in a year!" It IS true they come on an awful lot, my DS relly has and DH and I keep looking at him and marvelling that the toddler has COMPLETELY gone and he's all little boy now. So it happens fast! However he is still very young and I do still feel that school will be a bit too much of a challenge for him. I wish they could have that extra year of security at home.

However, your headteacher does sound pretty reasonable and good on you for going, and raising it! best of luck!

Original poster
alexsmum · 21/07/2006 00:10

she obviously wanted him to start at 4 in the september and was saying 'look at him playing happily-he'll be very ready etc' and was pointing out lots of negative things about holding him back.
like you said though , what is the rush? if he had been born 2 weeks later we wouldn't even be having the discussison!lots of people are saying how easy reception is and that they break them in gently.there is none of thathere and it is quite an academic school.ds1 in reception was getting homework from the off- 2 reading books a week, key words to learn each week and phonics worksheets to do over the weekend. a lot for a barely 4 y/o who is tired out from a full day at school.

OP posts:
sparklemagic · 21/07/2006 00:17

read a thread on the homework thing a while ago, one mum said "oh yes my DS gets it, I throw it in the bin"

I don't suppose I shall have the strength to be this cavalier, but when you think about it I'm sure our kids will acheive what's required for the foundation stage profile or whatever it's called, without doing much at home. They certainly SHOULD be able to anyway, for god's sake, it's RECEPTION not GCSE year!

I tell you what, if my DS gets much at all I shall just tell the teacher that he's just too tired. What also gets me is the time involved; of course I am excited and happy about helping my DS with his learning, it's something that I looked forward to about being a parent! But there is life outside formal education too, and DH and I specifically wanted to give DS about two activities a week, to enrich his life and give him a healthy out of school focus (useful we thought in case he is really not academic and doesn't 'achieve' at school - you have to achieve somewhere!) where's the time for this if he's got homework??!!

Original poster
alexsmum · 21/07/2006 00:20

oh god sparkle honestly i'm terrible athis .
when ds1 started school , for a t least the first month i used to go home and cry my eyes out.in fact didn't usually manage to get home! would be pushing ds2 in his pram down the street weeping becaus e my baby was at school!

what am i going to do when they are both there?

OP posts:
sparklemagic · 21/07/2006 00:22

I know what you mean. I shall be a wreck when the time comes.

I don't know what you were like at school but the one thing I keep telling myself, is to remember how happy I was and what a good time I had...all the positive things about school. They will have good times.

I must go to bed, I must be mad, my DS gets up before 6am!!

night.