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Original poster

Are they supposed to wipe their own bottom at 3 years old????

39 replies

oliveoil · 21/06/2006 14:26

dd1 has just started staying all day instead of just mornings after months of trying (she is a bit cautious/shy/clingy etc).

Anyway, all went well yesterday but when MIL collected her at 3pm and took her to the toilet when she got back, she had poo all over her knickers .

She said she 'wiped myself Grandma' and when I checked later she said they go on their own.

Is this right for 3? Is there some ridiculous law that know says that workers cannot go in the toilet with their charges???

Not sure whether or not to mention it to playgroup as she was v upset when she saw her knickers, bless.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Bozza · 21/06/2006 14:59

I don't think there is an actual law olive. Both mine have been in day nursery since being babies so obviously have had nappies changed etc and then progressed through potty training etc (well DD is currently in progress on that one). But the actual playgroup might have rules.

I know the teacher at DS's school will not do it but there is one teacher and one TA for 30 children so it is not really feasible. He occasionally has a bit of a skidder but I prefer the teacher to be actually in the classroom than manning the toilets. But bit different by the time they get to reception I think.

EmmyLou · 21/06/2006 14:59

nailpolish - will pass on foot on edge of toilet seat tip to my dd2 thanks.

Gingerbear · 21/06/2006 15:00

Oliveoil, do you think it might be a simple explaination as Blu said; that she went off by herself to the loo without telling the carers? I think my daughter might do this, as she will often ask me to switch the light on in the toilet for her at home, but then shoo me away if I linger to assist.

nutcracker · 21/06/2006 15:06

I have had this prob with Ds who is now 3.6. He started nursery at 3 and I put on his form that he needed help when going to the toilet but it is quite obvious to me that they don't help him as his trousers are always folded over at the top and his pants half way down his legs because he has got off himself and tried to pull them up himself.

I asked about it and they said they encouraged them to go on their own at that age. I said I had no problem with that when he had just done a wee but when he had done a poo it meant he was coming home dirty and geting sore.

They said they would help him but tbh I still don't think they are.

Our mission this 6 weeks hols is to get him to do it himself as he moves up into the big room and I know they won't do it in there.

Original poster
oliveoil · 21/06/2006 15:43

ok, dh has just phoned and she came home covered in poo again and was upset. Although wasn't until she saw her knickers so wasn't uncomfortable or anything or sore etc.

So will have to check when I get in from work whether she asked them when she goes to the toilet.

Can't see it really as she is v quiet and keeps herself to herself (with me for a mother, go figure).

How do you get across the wiping from front to back malarkey? She doesn't seem to 'get' it when I try.

OP posts:
LadyTambaOfTambaTown · 21/06/2006 15:48

I dont think they help at DS's nursery although he has never come home dirty. But I think thats more because he poos first thing in the morning and last thing at night so probably doesnt go during the day.

southeastastra · 21/06/2006 16:32

our school encourages them to go unaided, can you ask the teacher if she can (or you) provide some kandoo type things? that will make it an easier job for her. my ds (4) was the same but eventually got it. (or doesn't go at school anymore!)

foxinsocks · 21/06/2006 16:40

oliveoil, at 3 neither of mine got it and even now aged 5 and 4, they still don't do a 'proper' job of it so there's no way I would expect a 3 yr old to be able to do it without help

lalaa · 21/06/2006 16:42

I've had this exact problem with my dd (3.7). Have raised it with the nursery and although it is a bit better, she still comes home with skids. The problem for me is that it makes her bottom sore and at one point she was actively avoiding going to the loo because it hurt so much. Tears, distress, etc.
The other point is that if they are being actively encouraged to be independent (in other words, no-one is going with them), who is watching to make sure they wash their hands? And with cookery on the agenda too.....

Hallgerda · 22/06/2006 07:49

Playgroup staff helping children is not always a good thing. DS2's playgroup managed to get me horribly worried about him peeing blood, because they'd seen it in the toilet after he'd been. So I fussed for several days making him use the potty instead of the toilet, until the playgroup staff admitted they'd made a mistake - somebody had put some red paint down the toilet.

nailpolish · 22/06/2006 08:20

OO to get to grips with the front to back thingy, teach her to put her foot on the side of the toilet (is she fairly tall? my dd1 is and can put foot on side of toilet no probs) and tell her to put the paper at the front and wipe to the back (this is easier i feel when foot is on the toilet) or if you have a little step she could put foot on that

hope that makes sense

fennel · 22/06/2006 20:31

my 3yo dd1 had repeated UTIs in her first term at school from being expected to wipe her own bum at the nursery class in school, and being very bad at it. the school didn't see it as their job to do it. it was quite a problem really.

goosey · 22/06/2006 20:42

Of course a 3yr old should be supervised and assisted if necessary in wiping their bottoms properly AND washing their hands. It's basic CARE which is what you pay the place to provide. Care for the health and hygiene of the child and for the health and hygiene/safety of everyone else in avoiding cross-infection/contamination.

Bananasplitlady · 22/06/2006 20:50

I am a nursery teacher so just wanted to say from school perspective...

  • I always help a child who is struggling, but tell the parents at the end of the session just in case child has "teacher touched my bottom today" type conversation at bedtime. If parents ask, will always help children.
  • lots of children at 3 like to be independent especially when they see others doing so
  • we are not always around if a child needs help(1:13 ratio, no-one spare to hang out in toilet)so parent should always have a quiet chat if we need to keep an eye out for their child needing to go

FWIW, my head has expressly said we are not to do it for fear of child protection issue. As a decent human being I ignore him, but when parents kick off that their child tripped while running, got paint on them etc, it is a bit of a worry on occasion. HTH

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