What advantages does private school bring you?

[GeorgianMumto5]

Genuine question which, I'm sure, has been done to death. Dd has a small chance of a place at a fee-paying secondary, which is something we'd never previously considered, but now it's sort of cropped up, I feel duty-bound to give it some proper thought.

I know the classes are smaller, they are selective (I am uneasy about that) and they often provide more opportunities to engage in sport and music. Anything else I should consider?

For background, dd is bright, bit of an all-rounder, conscientious, friendly, well-liked without being in the 'in-crowd', resilient, eager, funny...all qualities that I think will help her to thrive in any setting. Oh yeah, and she'll already know kids at either of the two state secondaries we're considering, or the fee-paying secondary and she gets on with all of them - seeks out their company and they hers, etc.

I think I have tremendous guilt about even considering private. Please feel free to tell me I either should/shouldn't or to simply get over myself. Thank you.

[motherinferior]

My daughter thinks being good at academic stuff is madly cool. It's not just the preserve of fee-paying schools.

[GeorgianMumto5]

Thank you. Yes, perhaps Diane Abbott was in the back of my mind. I do like the idea that Dd would be in an environment where learning is seen as 'cool' or, at any rate, desirable. Then again, she's quirky enough to maybe device that for herself...maybe.

[motherinferior]

Oh please don't convince yourself that comprehensives are feral dens of sex and violence, mere holding-pens before they're old enough to qualify for the dole queue. I know it's a convenient way to convince yourself that the only way is fee-paying, but it's just not the case.

[Somethingyesterday]

Oh good grief! How can I put it more plainly. I was speaking from my own experience (as an adult; was different decades ago...) not from any stereotype of the leafy comp. I could easily give you chapter and verse but then I would have to change my nickname - which would be a real bore.

And I'm happy that your Dc at her state school is encouraged to excel. But believe me - that is pretty irrelevant if you don't happen to fit the demographic that the staff think it worthwhile to push.

OP If you think that three years from now you might say "thank god we got her to St Posh because otherwise ...." -then your choice is easy. If on the other hand you think she would do equally well elsewhere then .....

[Tasmania]

I still think that the main advantage of a fee-paying school are down to a handful of things:

1. Loads of extracurricular activities the range of which a state school could never offer without significan expense. Given that not all kids will be good in class or playing football (which is often where it stops with some state schools)... this is very important. At good private schools, they can excel in drama, endless list of musical instruments, tennis, hockey, lacrosse, swimming, skiing, debating, chess... and so forth. I find that kids knowing they can do at least one thing well, provides them with confidence early on. That confidence also spills into other sectors of life, meaning the overall result is quite good. In most good private schools, an "extracurricular" activity such as swimming is actually embedded into the daily curriculum for years. This may result in longer days.
   
   
2. Longer school days / extracurricular activities at school = less money spent on childcare and less time spent on chauffeuring to clubs.
   
   
3. Smaller class sizes. (speaks for itself)
   
   
4. Kids are "prepared" for entrance to "good" unis. They are encouraged to take A-level subjects that get them there (facilitating subjects) rather than things like "Business Studies" that lead nowhere.
   
   
5. Private schools seem to tell their kids that Oxbrige entrance is "normal" and at times "expected", whereas many kids from comps are somewhat intimidated - which to me says their schools had low expectations.

[GeorgianMumto5]

My school (comp) had low expectations, but I don't recall much in the way of sex and violence, either. I'm not afraid of comprehensives - I went to one. They're not the great mystery to me. It's the private schools that are.

[Isatdownandwept]

Of course everyone talks from their own experience and of course there are great schools where learning is considered uber cool. Which is why everyone says that you can't generalise and need to look at the particular schools in detail.

however research clearly shows that the most measurable explanation of the difference in achievement between privately educated and state educated children of the same intellect is peer pressure (and certainly quality of teaching nor class sizes). Family support also plays a strong, though not decisive factor, according to research. There is a huge meta-analysis on all of this which was done on this a few years ago which hopefully someone else can locate (has been put on these types of threads before). Would find myself but am on beach with kids and can't be arsed only intermittent wifi.

[Somethingyesterday]

Everything Tasmania said is true. I'm sure I remember a very recent thread suggesting subjects for a dream education (?) First aid, fire building, surfing... All the things in fact that a decent prep school provides as part of the curriculum.

OP I am about to say something harsh. I'm not actually sure, as regards outcome, that you will see that much difference between the fee paying school you are looking at and the state alternatives. I think the differences you are looking for would be far more apparent, and would bring a far more significant improvement to your daughter' s day to day life, if you were thinking of a traditional independent school. Going up to sixth form. Probably boarding.

If I were paying, I would only pay for the latter.

[claraschu]

Our three kids have been to a combination of state and private.
One private school was VERY flexible, with absolutely fantastic teachers, and this school truly catered to the individual children. It was a wonderful school, which really suited our son since teachers had the time (and inclination) to notice and appreciate individuals.
One other advantage of private for us was the longer holidays.

[GeorgianMumto5]

Longer holidays appeal, I must admit! Not that ds or I would get them. Boarding not an option and only local private school with 6th form is not offering bursaries.

[musicalfamily]

somethingyesterday what do you mean by traditional independent school? How does one know the difference? genuinely interested and I think the OP might be too?

[Theodorarosepetal]

I really can see advantages and disadvantages to both systems. You know your child best.

I do hate that arrogance that is displayed by some privately educated individuals.

[adeucalione]

I moved all three DC from state to private and the main advantage for me was choice. The decision to pay fees meant that there were loads more schools to choose from and I could get the perfect fit for my children.

For my children the advantages have been smaller classes (without the low level disruption they had become used to), opportunities to represent their schools at sport (B & C teams), huge variety of extra curricular activities that have led them in unexpected directions and an increase in confidence because they are surrounded by like-minded clever children (instead of in a little group of friends being called swots or geeks and not being able to hang back at the end of a lesson to ask extra questions for self preservation).

[Somethingyesterday]

Goodness muso - you're very generous with the rope but I'm rather fond of my neck...

Type "public school" into search here. Ignore the nonsense. Lots of valuable info.

[Tasmania]

"traditional independent school" - the senior schools are typically old; goes all the way to A-levels or Cambridge Pre-U, often needs a prep school education to get into (though not necessary).

[GeorgianMumto5]

We have a Royal Grammar School round here that fits that description, Tasmania. A friend of mine went there. Years ago I asked my mum, 'What do you think his education has given him? What's his edge?' My mum replied, 'The ability to use sarcasm and a working knowledge of how to work through the cutlery.'

I was only about 17, but she did make me laugh. I think he probably gained a little more.

[rabbitstew]

An assumption he could rule the world if he put his mind to it? And that just in his Gap Year.

[GeorgianMumto5]

I think so, yes. [A grin]

[GeorgianMumto5]

Emoticon fail.

[Somethingyesterday]

OP is this a "Reader, I married him..." story?

What DID he gain?

Is it a single sex school?

Is it the kind if school you would want for Dd?

If not, why not?

[GeorgianMumto5]

No, thank god.

He is in a well-paid job. He has always known how to converse easily on a wide range of topics, can dominate a conversation if he chooses. He had a wider range of interests than the state school kids I knew and was able to pursue them. He is also not very nice now, but that may not be the result of his education. I have spent many hours pondering how that happened and have yet to reach a satisfactory conclusion.

Single sex, yes.

Not the kind of school I want for Dd. Leaving aside that she is ineligible by being a girl, it is too elitist, I think. Dd would go somewhere like that, look at where she came from and have the awful realisation that she no longer belongs anywhere.

The school I am looking at is more ordinary, I think. It would raise her, but not isolate her. I sound like I'm on Downtown now.

[Somethingyesterday]

You really, really need to spend more time on the Winchester College threads.

The ideal school for a really bright child should be distinguished by intellectual elitism - not economic.

[Somethingyesterday]

Yes you do sound like Downton and it is beneath you! This is not the nineteenth century; your Dd does not need to be raised from anything; she can be admitted to any school in the country and find many, many girls just like her. With intelligent, thoughtful parents doing their utmost to help her to fulfill her potential.

Seriously, I wish you knew someone close by who would drag you to look at a few really good schools! You have asked about the advantages of a private school, people have offered opinions.. Those opinions were based on schools that would be worth paying for. If it's ordinary - would it be worth paying for?

[rabbitstew]

Intellectual arrogance is not hugely more appealing than arrogance based on wealth, however.

[Somethingyesterday]

I'm interested that you feel elitism is synonymous with arrogance.