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Original poster

Party Invitations - where are all the manners gone?

53 replies

deegward · 05/02/2004 16:14

I am prepared to be shot down here but here I go...

DS1 is at nursery at school, and his birthday is coming up at the begining of March. Yesterday I put invitations - with my telephone number and RSVP thingy - to the school, they were duly put in the childrens book bags.

I waited last night no calls, this morning no calls, when we went to school today, 2 children ran up to my son and gave him their acceptances, I was cock a hoop. But tonight after school no more replies.

I know it was only yesterday, but I work on the principle that you reply as soon as you get an invite, either way.

I am nervous as last year at son's preschool, I ended up asking face to face upto the day before. Why are people like this? Sorry for the rant, and yes I know people are busy, and it was only yesterday!

OP posts:
Lara2 · 06/02/2004 19:46

I do try to reply ASAP, but have often been given invites the day before because they've been languishing in the drawer at school. Sometimes I get the "Is he coming?" phone call and the invitation has never even made it home!!!
I think you may be expecting a little too much too soon.

tillymint · 06/02/2004 20:10

And another thing..... I am appalled by the lack of thank you letters (for gifts). I know they are a pain, especially when you are trying to get your 3 or 4 yr old to have some involvement - an 'x' at least! But manners are so important. Or am I expecting too much? I insist my 5yo writes her own - we have still got two Xmas ones to do mind..

Original poster
deegward · 08/02/2004 10:23

Thank you everyone, yes I know and now hormones are a bit lower realise that relies within 24 hours was a bit ambitious. At end of play this week, we have had 12 replies out of 20 so not too bad I suppose. Will work on the assumption all coming, for party bags etc and will also do a couple of extras for all those uninvited guests.. "you don't mind that I've brought his big brother do you?"

But that's a whole other thread. Thanks again, and feeling much calmer now. I guess I am just an organised person, and can't see why everyone else isn't the same.

OP posts:
mears · 08/02/2004 10:32

This thread has made me realise what a miserable mother I am
DD (who is 10) went to a party yesterday and the whole class was invited. There is something about that I really hate. It always makes me feel that parents are making a statement of look how popular my child will be because I hire a venue and have the whole class invited- half of the kids your child doesn't even probably like. When I dropped dd off it was pandemonium. I don't see what is enjoyaby about that!
Sorry - I am just bitter and twisted this morning

mears · 08/02/2004 10:33

By the way - don't mean to upset anyone doing whole class parties - it is just this particular person always tries to go one better.

lydialemon · 08/02/2004 11:54

No, I agree - I feel bad as I've only allowed DS1 to invite 5 boys and 5 girls from his class. I can't afford to do the whole class thing although it does seem to be the norm in our school.

Jimjams · 08/02/2004 12:03

I dunno mears, if I do a party for ds1 this year I think I'll have to invite the whole class as I have no idea who his friends are. I suppose he's oblivious to to friends, but I have no idea who loves/tolerates/loathes him.

Where on earth do people go for whole class things? Do they hire a hall and soft play stuf or what? (Genuinely interested as it is one option- more likely we won't really do anything)

mears · 08/02/2004 15:26

Yes they hire somewhere. I think that is my problem with it too lydialemon, it that it is way too expensive. Not only have you to hire a venue, pay for food (venue charges a fortune or you can supply your own - what a hassle), then party bags for everyone.
I think the maximum I have invited anywhere is 12 for bigger parties such as age 10. Very early on in motherhood I decided I was not going down the big party route. After the age of 10, I stopped parties altogether. As I said though, I am miserable

mears · 08/02/2004 15:28

Sorry Jimjams - meant to say in my area you can hire activity centre and provide entertainment/ food etc. Swimming pool. Kids play area who provide games, food etc.

Linnet · 08/02/2004 22:46

Jimjams, a popular place for birthday parties where I live is a soft play area/jungle gym type place. Would think most cities have those nowadays? Ours has balls pits, slides the kids can run around etc. It's also good because the price per head includes the food the party bags and the invitations, all we have to do is give out the invitations and supply the cake and the kids.

Lydia, like you I would love to invite my dd's whole class to her birthday party but it just works out so expensive that we've never done that.
We usually invite all the girls in her class and a few of the boys plus she has a boy and girl cousin the same age so they are also invited. to be honest we only invite the boys from the class because we don't her male cousin to be the only little boy.

SueW · 08/02/2004 23:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

mears · 08/02/2004 23:50

See I knew I was a miserable mother

sibble · 09/02/2004 00:33

Joined this thread late but had Ds's party on Saturday. DS was allowed to chose 6 friends from nursery as am 13 weeks pregnant and meant to be on bed rest (long thread elsewhere) 1 parent didn't bother to RSVP but didn't turn up either which I thought was really rude - I know only 1 but had bought party bag etc. just in case. The worst thing of all was 1 mum I know phoning me in tears on Saturday morning becasue her son hadn't been invited (she hadn't slept since hearing I was having party). Assured her nobody from that group had been invited becasue I was limiting numbers due to my health - last thing I needed when trying to make cheese stick hedgehog and egg mice!!!
DS does do thank yous which he draws himself - can take some time for them to go out though depending on attention span!

linzoid · 10/02/2004 15:30

We have just sent our invites out today for ds party on the 23rd. It's at the same place as last year, a soft play place so lets see how many reply this time hmmmmmmmm. Last year two didn't reply at all, one of these invites was to twins and they JUST TURNED UP! the other was a no show. I can't beleive the rudeness of people, the no show was my ds best friend at nursery although he was brought by someone different everyday and i never got to know the parents but ds was gutted he didn't come. As for thankyou letters, we always write them but have only ever known one litte girl who sent any to us...grrrrrrrrrrr

Bozza · 10/02/2004 16:09

DS's party is 22 Feb. I gave the invitations to nursery on 28 Jan to hand out on 29th. So far have had about half replies. Part of this is because certain of the children only attend certain days etc. Will chase up next Tuesday I think.

Tinker · 10/02/2004 16:12

sibble - how ridiculous for a mother to ring you crying abour a kid's party! Some people.

dinosaur · 10/02/2004 16:18

sorry to butt in - but sibble! I didn't see your thread about being on bed rest! I'm so sorry - what a nightmare!

suedonim · 10/02/2004 16:49

I received a party invite for dd2 this morning and had rsvp'd by 3pm.

sibble · 10/02/2004 18:26

I know - about the mother crying!!! The 'joke' is that DS was invited and went to 3 other parties this weekend (bedrest heh - whoever invented the term didn't have a toddler) anyway, they were all fine that we would love to go to their parties but couldn't reciprocate this year. We do plan on having an informal BBQ when things have calmed down.
At least the kids enjoyed themselves.

MeanBean · 10/02/2004 20:09

Mears I'm with you - miserable Mum. I read this thread with rising panic - my kid has only just started school, and I hate the thought of having to involve myself for years with awful kids' parties. Does one have to do this as a mother? Is this part of the deal? Can't I get away with throwing all the kids out into the garden with a few sarnies and telling them to run around and not bother the adults? I don't think I could cope with anything more complicated than that...

aloha · 10/02/2004 20:21

I'm hoping to continue the adult piss-ups in the garden while children entertain themselves for as long as possible. For me the only joy is seeing my friends with their kids! Ds doesn't care (he is only two). Then I hope to seamlessly move to taking five kids to the pictures/theatre and pizza express (ideally to a film I like). I loathe softplay things. The horror...

Original poster
deegward · 10/02/2004 21:29

GOld star to you Suedonim, now next challenge is to buy and wrap present, this weekend, no matter when the party is. Then when the day dawns voila, you are organised. Yes I said before a bit of an organised person!

OP posts:
suedonim · 10/02/2004 23:38

I'm going in to town tomorrow, Deegward, so I might even have it done earleir than that! (Two pressies btw, the party is for sisters) But knowing me, I'll mislay them by 29th Feb. Tonight I've been writing family birthday cards and cheques to send off in good time, oh my halo is shining soooo brightly.

PS How many gold stars do I need to get a sticker??

kizzie · 11/02/2004 12:02

Dont think its just kids parties. We are having quite a big party for friends and family in a couple of weeks. Hired venue so need to confirm numbers for catering etc.
Sent out invites 6 weeks ago.
80 people in total (although many from same families - so about 40 invites sent out.)
So far - had one written acceptance and 3 verbal!!!
I know most of them will come but I still cant believe people couldnt just pick up the phone to say they'd got the invitation.

I always get my sons to make and send out thankyou cards for bday and christmas. I'd say they get about 1/2 back from the parties they go to.

re. their 5th bday party this year (they are twins so just one party) - did a list with them at the weekend - came to 42!!! (claim they are all their best friends)- slowly working on reducing it.....
Kizziex

katierocket · 11/02/2004 12:23

on the subject of 'one-upmanship' type children's parties. Best friend has been doing some tutoring of a 3 year old (that's a whole story in itself). Family are absolutely loaded - we're talking 12 bedroom house, heated indoor swimming pool, 4 full time staff etc etc.

anyway, family have 3 children - 3, 6, 8 and their birthday parties and their friends birthday parties are quite unbelievable. last year for the 6 year old, parents hired full-scale funfair for garden - ferris wheels, bumper cars etc, every child that came was given a full set of children's luggage on wheels (party bag!) full to the brim with presents - budget for presents was £65 per child!!! BF was saying it is so competitive amongst the mothers as to who can do the best/biggest party. GRIM is all I can say. how awful to be in that type of world. egg sandwiches and sponge cake and be happy...that's what I reckon.