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Original poster

broken window overreaction and panic....please help!

31 replies

tufty · 15/01/2002 10:41

Can anyone give me some emrgency advice please?
My son started school last term full of enrthusiasm looking forward to learning. He could already read fluently and was excited at the prospect of going to find out about all sorts of intersesting things. Instead from the first week there he has been described as challenging because he didn;t appear interested in the story being read eg This is the bear, which he considers suitable for his baby brother as he is reading Harry Potter etc himself. He has also been called up to the head for beaking a pencil !
Our experience has always been of a bright inquisitiv e child who loves to be challenged and stimulated from 4.30 am onwards. He walked and talked early and has always been sensitive and kinf. Since going to school he has learnt a lot of playground skills but little else, though he did teach his middle brother about odd and even numbers and set him a quiz (which the 3 yr old loved and answered correctly, to our amazement)
Yesterday I was called to collect hiom from school as he had broken a panel of glass in an interior door. It was clar that the school sa\w this as a deliberate act of defiance wheras I am certain that it was not his intentionas he is normally very careful and certainly not aggressive or destructive. I expect some of you will think I am blind to his faults but I know that he is frustrated at the lack of stimualtion at school ( he is at the top of yr 1, though he shpuld be in reception) He comes home and asks to do his m usic and for us to make up codes for him to crack etc. He is hard work as he has lots of energy and loves to be mentally and physically challenged but he is not naughty in the way the school seem toi think.
I have a meeting tomorrow with the head and would love any tips on how to tackle this... I feel so sure that the school aren't understanding my son
pleas help!

OP posts:
Original poster
tufty · 15/01/2002 10:42

please forgive my bad typing

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Loobie · 15/01/2002 11:13

maybe your son has a high i.q and is not getting enough stimulation from school,the level he is at is obviously no longer challenging to him therefore he is becoming increasingly frustrated and acting up,maybe you could ask about him being moved up a class at school,i know schools aren't keen to do this but you should ask them about it.

Batters · 15/01/2002 11:19

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Pupuce · 15/01/2002 12:49

I agree with Batters...hear the head and then explain your case... maybe have a few bullet points prepared. I suggest this because you are likely (and it would be normal) to be stressed and either forget things you wanted to say or make important points.
Is there any way you can get your child tested ... maybe he is too smart for his class ?

wendym · 15/01/2002 13:50

Tufty listen to the head first. Children can act quite differently at home to the way they do at school, especially if they are used to a lot of attention and are bored. A school door ought to be pretty hard to break and I would then ask some hard questions about safety glass and how he managed to break it. Then you can talk about his frustration about being given work which is too easy. Obviously you need to make it clear that this isn't his normal behaviour but don't make up your mind it wasn't deliberate before you hear what they have to say.

sml · 15/01/2002 17:32

Would one of the various organisations for parents of gifted children be able to help? It does sound as though your son is going to be streets ahead of his class, which is pretty boring for him. My daughter has just started school too, they gave her a picture book with no words in for her "reading" homework, and asked her to tell the very mundane story in it. As she was currently waffling away with a little song she had made up with a story about planets and stars, I did feel they were pitching the level a bit low. She can read a bit, but of course, they are starting at the lowest level, and introducing her to one letter at a time,which she has known since she was about 3. (I deliberately haven't "hothoused" her, but she's had alphabet bricks and simple books etc)
Would it be possible to find an alternative school experience for your son, eg another school, or extra curricular lessons in interesting subjects, or home education?

robinw · 15/01/2002 19:31

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janh · 15/01/2002 20:54

Tufty, I don't think most state schools want to recognise and cope with gifted children - with SEN children at the other end of the scale there are procedures in place already for them to follow, and the problems don't usually arise in reception age children as they can with gifted ones.

You will have to be very careful and very tactful in what you say to the Head about your son's abilities and lack of stimulation at school. (Teachers get very defensive about what they perceive as criticism.) You may want to think very seriously about home/private tuition - even if the school is willing to recognise and attempt to cater for his ability, if it's anything like my kids' primary school all they can offer will be work at a higher and higher level, which would leave them really stuck once he gets into the juniors; and he is very unlikely to be able to go to senior school any more than one year early which, if he maintains his current level of achievement, would be far too late.

There is an organisation for parents of gifted children although I don't have any details for it.
Try google or your library.

As far as the door goes I agree with Wendym that the glass in an internal primary school door should be pretty difficult to break...after you have spoken to the Head it might be useful if your son could be called in and asked, gently, what happened and how it broke. (My son, aged 7, was accused of something he hadn't done and he eventually said he had just to stop the Head going on and on about it - he is 13 now and it still rankles. Our Head is very domineering, doesn't like children much and doesn't listen - I hope yours is a bit more receptive!)

Original poster
tufty · 15/01/2002 23:58

thank you all for your sound suggestions. I hope that I will be able to be calm and considerate... we have always wanted to support thrm in helping our son at school...and I know its not just about academic learning. it has been tough being told not to teach him things tho as he just wants to learn. anyway tomorrow will tell... watch this space.

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Rhiannon · 16/01/2002 10:12

Tufty if you don't mind private education why not speak to your local ones to see if they can help and they may offer a scholarship. My little boy is in a class of 10 and all the children work to their own levels. The problems with moving him up to the years above would be social and emotional ones for him. Good luck. R

Original poster
tufty · 16/01/2002 18:46

well I survived ... the current plan is to move him to another class, with some of his old friends from playschool, as it seems there may be a personality issue with the current teacher....
The head was very clear that my son is clearly v clever and obviously not a basically naughty boy. we'll just have to see how things go.
We simply couldn't afford to put all 3 of our children into the private system even if we wanted to and it doesn't look as if they'll be any less clever...
thank you again for all the support. I'll post again in a little while with an update!

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mik · 16/01/2002 19:40

contact your local education authority and find out if they have any programmes for gifted children, ours does from the age of seven
My son is three and already i can see these problems ahead as he already writes and can read a little

robinw · 17/01/2002 06:52

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Original poster
tufty · 17/01/2002 14:56

thank you for the further tips. I'll certainly contact the local Ed dept tho' I think as you imply I'll have to wait until they're all a bit older to access anything. I guess it'll be an on going thing but at least the head was able to see the whole picture and not just take a negative view. We'll see how it all goes....ds2 starts in Sept and ds3 has 2yrs to go, so it'll all be fun..er!

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Copper · 18/01/2002 10:40

Tufty
it sounds as though the head has quite a clear view of your child. Is the plan just to put him in the new class, or is he going to get any kind of special teaching as well?

Also, what about the broken glass? Sounds dangerous.

janh · 18/01/2002 16:16

tufty - I just had a thought - how about starting him on piano lessons? (You would need to have a piano at home for him to practise on of course - though you might get away with a keyboard for a while.) Learning music is rewarding in itself but is also supposed to be useful as a tool for general learning and he sounds as if he would find it a brilliant intellectual exercise. He might be able to play at school too.
(Tried to send this yesterday - it wouldn't let me... )

robinw · 18/01/2002 19:45

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robinw · 24/01/2002 06:23

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mollipops · 24/01/2002 08:12

Robinw,
Rather than an adult tutor would she accept someone closer her own age, a kind of "mentor" figure, someone same sex and maybe upper primary level? If you know anyone with a child this age, would they be willing to try a sort of homework- buddy trial system? Sounds like she's bored like you say and needs challenge and stimulation to get her excited about her work again...might be worth a try?

Original poster
tufty · 04/03/2002 19:13

Hey everyone sorry I've been off the thread for so long, ds2 has been in hospital but is now recovering.
Thank you for all the tips on ds1... he does go to music group and can sing v well in tune and even write simple tunes( not quite Mozart but v sweet) he wants to learn the violin but is ( I feel) too young to cope with the frustation as he wants to sound like the people he hears when he listens to music..! he can play the recorder but finds even there he can't achieve what he'd like, so we've decided just to keep an awareness of music and wait for an instrument until a little later ( we sadly don't have room for a piano at the moment)
He also plays chess which is fun but we haven't a chess club near us and ds2 health is a limiting factor.
The new class is working out v well, the teacher is v encouraging and extends him where she can ( will find out more at parents evening soon) I think its quite telling that I haven't been called in to see her and my son is v v v much happier and has some good friends.....

Robinw sorry I haven't replied sooner .. hope things are going better for you.. an Ed Psych would usually do a series of standard psychometric test designed to measure not just learned skills but basic ability in different areas. Although not flawless they are usually pretty good at showing v clearly strengths and weaknesses and are viewed as objective and free from influence.
I do hope things are picking up for you... have you been referred to an Ed Psych or are you going to do it privately?
good luck

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robinw · 05/03/2002 22:15

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Original poster
tufty · 06/03/2002 08:44

Robinw I've forgotten how old your daughter is but I think you may well want to pursue the ED Psych sooner rather than later...
DS2 has jsut been assessed aspart of his statement and tho we'vr not had the results yet it was already clear that he is v bright, so we're hoping it'll help us argue for extra for ds1 too..we'll see
(ds3 is obsessed with football and talks in great long sentences knows his colours and can count to 10+ at 20 months...hm!)
good luck with it all and hope other things have picked up a bit for you....
tufty

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robinw · 07/03/2002 07:19

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Original poster
tufty · 08/03/2002 19:00

hm certainly seems that way! I've dithered about home education too... locally there's a v active group who meet weekly / fortnightly and do lots of stuff... what about near you?

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robinw · 10/03/2002 15:01

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