Back to school today and DD completely hysterical ...

[sandyballs]

..... sobbing and screaming as soon as she woke up, continued all through breakfast and dressing and walking to school. The teacher had to hold her back forcefully in order for me to leave and it has upset me terribly. She has been so happy and jolly during half term, singing and playing and now it's back to this again. She is 5 and in reception and the teacher says she calms down after about half an hour, but I can't help wondering why she is like this, why does she hate it so much. I've talked to her and asked her what bothers her and she just says she misses me. I've spoken to her teacher and she says she is very quiet, but seems happy enough. She's not at all quiet at home, the opposite in fact. She's changed since starting school and is now an anxious, nervy, clingy child during term time, nothing like she was at nursery.

Sorry to rant, just upset and worried about her.

Hi Sandyballs

Your situation is very similar to mine. It is absolutely one of the worse things to have to deal with. For three months it was all my husband and I spoke of. It affects your whole day and even when they come home from school, in the back of your mind, you are dreading the next day. Good stuff, eh!

My child has now settled although has been wobbly these past few days after half term. I was told that it would improve , and yes it definitely has, but I was extremely concerned about permanent damage to confidence and security levels.

I wish schools would view children as individuals as much as they possibly can and if moving class is the solution then this should be considered by them. I don't agree that this is giving the child their own way as they're not asking to be moved and often don't even know whats causing them the upset. Its just a feeling.

Sorry to go on a bit. Just a subject very close to my heart. Good luck.

You are not alone and this is so upsetting. My DS2 (youngest of 3) is now 8 but has been like this ever since starting school. First two years were the worst - especially after weekends and holidays. He does miss me so much (which is not an easy thing to accept) and would much rather be at home. He was also reluctant to do swimming lessons etc but can now be persuaded (but would rather not bother really). His older brother and sister are the opposite so it was a shock for us. Gradually he has got better but with a lot of hard work on my part - getting the teachers to give him a job, star charts, bribes etc. It does become a habit for them but is no less real. He was getting stomach aches walking along the road, screaming before school but then fine once I was out of sight. I never went into school with him (otherwise I would still be there now). Also a power thing - it was something he was not in control of and he didn't like that. It may not be anything definite that has caused this. It is so upsetting - I started thinking about home schooling at one point. Feel for you.

She was slightly better yesterday morning, lots of tears but not hysterical. The teacher was waiting for her and immediately tried to distract her with stories and various things. I brought a start chart yesterday and told her she would get a sticker on it if she was good this morning and didn't cry. I asked her to practice her smiley face all the way there and it was all going very well, no tears at all, until we walked into the classroom and her teacher wasn't there, only two students. So I left DD in an hysterical, screaming, snotty state again. Bumped into the teacher in the playground on the way out and explained the situation and she said said she would go straight in - I know it must be difficult for the teachers as well with children like this. Anyway, I do think she might have been OK if her teacher had been there, so fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Thanks for all your replies. I don't think anyone in particular is bothering her there.
I had a chat to her Monday night and she said she liked her classmates but missed me very very much. She told me her heart breaks at school because I'm not there and she wants to be with me forever . I nearly cried.

Sherbert - interesting about the swimming lessons, DD is the same. They have swimming today and she is adamant that she isn't going!

I gave up on most of the non essential activities and concentrated on school at age 5 - 7. Didn't think it was worth putting us all through it for Sunday School, swimming etc. DS2 now goes to swimming, football and drama happily and cubs with a bit of persuasion. He'll say "I just love you so much" which everyone thinks is lovely but I find a bit too much pressure. He also makes his preference for me above all others very obvious and this upsets my DH. it may be one step forward, one step back but hope you see some light.

Sandyballs, only just seen this thread and I'm sorry you're having this trouble with her.

You are doing really well and being creative with her and I'm sure things will improve. I have a friend whose DD hated school until about 6 yrs old, and now she's absolutely fine with it. So I'm sure it will pass.

Her bond with you is obviously very very important to her and I'm sure that will stand her in good stead during her childhood! As another poster said, it may be that she simply isn't ready for school yet. Unfortunately in this country that is where they are at at five!!

I do wonder whether the educational psychologist might be able to help? I'm not saying I think she NEEDS this because of her difficulties, just that it's an avenue you could go down, because you want to do something when your child is upset! My mum's friend had this with her DS many years ago (he used to hang on to the school railings bless him!) and the Psychologist saw him and ended up simply re-assuring his mum that he had no actual problems with school, it was simply that he had problems leaving home and mum because he liked them better!!!!

I really hope you get things better soon, I just know how awfully upsetting this must be for you x

How did it go this morning?