Home schooling! -Discuss

[pinkdolly]

Hello everyone,
I am 25 year old women with 2 girls, Zoe will be 4 in June and Sophie will be 3 in August. I am 17 weeks pg with my 3rd.
I have never planned to send my children to school as I personally feel that the girls will get a benifit a lot more from being at home with me.
My DH is totally with me on this so i'm well supported.
I know this is a very emotive subject and would really be interested to hear your views, whether for or against.
Also any experiences (bad or good) would be interested in hearing all the details. Thanx Guys!

My daughter is 14 and has become schoolphobic following bullying at school. At the moment she is receiving 5 hours a week home tuition (not ideal). I realise that the decisions I make now, will affect her future and so am in somewhat of a dilemma regarding home education. I myself am in the final year of study at degree level with The Open University and my daughter has constantly begged to be allowed to take a course (she is obviously too young). The actual work at school was never a problem and she was due to sit one of her G.C.S.E.'s two years early. She is so frustrated, unhappy, angry, depressed and has such an extremely low self worth, I am very worried about her. Can anyone suggest anything I can do? I would be most grateful.

Can't you try and homeschool her yourself? Don't want to scare you, but I heard about a boy who asked his mum to take him out of school and homeschool him for similar reasons, and she wouldn't, and later on he committed suicide. You know the amount of time you need to spend in homeschooling is only a few hours every morning even at GCSE level, and they can do a lot by themselves if you get the right curriculum - because its one to one so needs less time spent on it. So you could still have time for your open university. I have several friends who homeschool and they start at 9am and are finished by 1pm, and thats with more than one child.

Thank you for your reply. I really do think that this is the only option open to us now. It is just very scary. I loved your link and have copied down a few of the quotes to show my daughter and especially loved the ones from Einstein and Christie. THANK YOU. I don't know if anyone has any experience with child psychologists but when we kept an appointment last week and my daughter had related an incident that had happened - a girl had stolen her hat and burnt it, then slapped her and pushed her to the ground (this was on the street) - the psychologist said that my daughter would have to return to school and to enable her to do this she would have to change the way SHE thought, as there was no way she could change the bullies. In addition, she said that my daughter should "learn to play the game", at which point my daughter asked her to explain what she meant - she said that my daughter should learn to do and say what other people expected. My daughter has never refused to attend any appointment or meeting I have set up for her but is now refusing to meet with this person again - saying that she doesn't see why she has to change, she has done nothing wrong and she should be able to say what she thinks and not what other people want to hear. SORRY FOR THE RANT!!!!

Faith8 - so sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. I would suggest that you get in touch with Education Otherwise as they could help you both with this. Have a browse around the website. There is something of other peoples experiences of bullying /school refusal eo bullying and about exams \link{http://www.education-otherwise.org/Links/Resources-Qualifications/NdxResQuals.htm\eo exams. If nothing else they could let you know what your daughter's options are regarding exams if you do decide to home-educate. I can fully understand her not wanting to meet the child psychologist again.

Ooops the link for the exam info -
eo exams

Faith8-
I am so sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through. It must be awful for you.
I too was always quite clever in school until i started being badly bullied when I was 12. This went on for over a year and my grades suffered loads. I too had begged my parents to take me out of school and they wouldn't. So at 13 I felt the only answer I had left was to take an overdose. Which is what I did. I'm not trying to scare you, but so many teenagers think that suicide is the only way out. It was so hard going through that, I would hate my children to have to go through the same thing. so I really do sympathise with you.
In my case- my parents moved me to a new school after the od and I thrived, but i never fully recovered and neither did all my grades.
You need to decide what is best for your daughter. She could get bullied at another school, which is why my parents didn't move me initially. But on the other hand she could be really happy.
I believe the advice you daughter has been given is rubbish. She should be being told that she is wonderful as she is, and should never pretend to be different to fit in with other children.
Unfortunatly, schools, pshcologists etc still dont know how to deal with the issue of bulling.
It is wrong, in my opinion to try and change the victim. There should be harsher punishments for bullies. WE wouldnt accept it as adults and children shouldn't have to accept it either.
I do hope you get things sorted.

Faith8 - your dd sounds like an eminently sensible person, hearing her remarks about the psychologist!

It sounds like she is a motivated intelligent girl, so there is no reason why she shouldn't do well studying at home. My daughter is also 14 and I'm looking into the possibility of her going to FE college a year early to do GCSEs and an art pre-foundation course - could this be a possibility for your dd, or would college be just as intimidating as school for her?

pinkdolly. Thank you so much for your comments an dfeedback. I am so sorry that you were bullied too. I was also and it has stayed with me all my life. I really do think that I have to teach E from home (I don't know if we are allowed to relay real names). I have also been in touch with my local Social Services, against my better judgment but I was so impressed with the Social Worker that called to see E. She actually told her ( after realising that a change of school woukld not help) that she should bury her uniform in the garden and proceeded to enrol her for an "eye to eye counselling course" and a self esteem course (places, unfortunatley are very restricted). We have heard nothing as yet. What I don't understand is why everythbing takes so long. By the time E has an appointment where will she be psychologically? I signed a form for her to see the educaional psychologist on July 5th 2005 and as yet have received no feedback whatever. SORRY TO GO ON. IT IS WONDERFULL TO TALK.

spacedonkey. Thank you so much for your reply and comments. I don't know which area of the country you live in but our area seems to be extreemly unhelpful if you want to do anything alternative. I will look into the option of F.E. for E and I hope that you are successful in your endeavour. My daughter is very musically talented and if only her slef esteem were greater I know that the songs she has written would inspire other young people. EXTREEM TEENAGE ANX!!

Faith
Good for your daughter for realising that child psychologist was full of it and refusing to waste her time w/her!

pinkdolly what is DH? I have just re read your initial posting and if there is anything I can do to help musically ( I am a musician and have a diploma in music and help locally as music support for a number of local schools) please do not hesitate to ask. This offer is obviously open to anyone else who thinks they would benefit.

expatinscotland thank you. She is so wonderful and I am so worried about her. She has lost so much weight and is not the girl she was. This time last year, if you had heard her singing 'ALL THAT JAZZ' it was amazing. I know she is my own but she really is special. She should not be restricted by any conventions that are put in place by agencies. It is so very frustrating and upsetting. The lyrics from her songs are so true for so many of us. I will not post them now. I will discuus with E and if she agrees I will then. I really do think that they are special and will help otheres with the same problems. Perhaps this was meant to be, to help others. E is a person that absolutely hates injustice!!!!

Faith8 - If I were you I'd forget all the c-ing and self-esteem appts and take her out of school asap and when you can start homeschooling. I was bullied at school too and would have loved to be homeschooled - I'm still shy as a result. And what your daughter said is totally right - she shouldn't have to conform to what other people expect. I doubt the psychologists can help as the real issue is school is horrible so she doesn't want to go there any more, which is quite understandable.

faith8 your dd sounds in a similar situation to my DS.
He is 9 and has been out of school since Nov 05 as he suffers from extreme anxiety, the psychologist says he is ASD.

He too was bullied and picked on and had no self esteem, a few months ago i caught 3 of his "friends" kicking and punching him and he was doing nothing, after i intervened i asked him why he didnt fight back and he said "oh its only a game, the kids at school do this to me everyday
He ended up self harming and being quite ill so we just took him out.
At the moment we are fighting for a home tutor for him but are paying for one atm.
It would help enormously if you are to take her out that you get medical back up-thats if you want a home tutor. if you want to home school her then you dont need it.

Dont let anyone force you or your daughter to do anything that you know wont be in her best interests, you are her mother and you know her best.

Faith8- Not sure whether you mean what is DH as in (Dear Husband), or what does he do.
Well, he is in the Navy, he doesn't go away very much, in fact he is away now which is the 1st time since I was pg with dd2 (over 2 1/2 years ago). He is home every weekend and the course finishes in October.
Our life experiences are quite different. In the fact that although we've known each other since we were 11, he comes from rather a well off family and i come from a some what more deprived family.
Whereas we could never afford family holidays, Marc went several times a year. this, of course meant that as a child he was encouraged to pursue many activites from sailing to golf etc.
Where I was quite happy to stick my head in a book for hours on end.
So we both have skills to bring to our children.
Marc is both a keen photographer and actor and is hoping to pass these skills on to the children. I like that Marc wants to play an active role in their education, I believe it will be good for both them and Marc.

Thanks for offer on music, I may well be picking your brains. We have just been given a piano, needs some TLC but is a lovely thing. Of course, neither of us know how to play as yet.

I haven't time to read the thread or write a decend eloquent post but feel the need to stick my oar in.

I researched home education and was thouroughly inspired by what I discovered. The 'socialisation' issue is a non issue when you look closer. It's hard to anyone inside the school community to understand as they see it in terms of what the children are missing almost like meat eaters who worry about vegetarians because of what they perceive is 'missing' if that makes sense.

I have so much to say on this and so little time. I'm all for home edding and wish more people did it. Having said that, I'm not doing it at the moment but can most certainly see a time in the future when I would. I'm sorely tempted all the time and have a certain amount of guilt that I haven't taken the plunge. At the moment we can't quite do it financially.

I'm considering it again now as on Monday my 7 year old dd came home with a chunk of her hair cut off from the top of her head, aparently by some boy in the playground. Yesterday she came home with a swollen eye socket after being hit. They shouldn't have to put up with this. This is a very middle class, well thought of school, my dd should be able to look after herself (she has 3 brothers) and yet the playground seems like living hell for some of them. (And it's only a primary with reception to year two. What on earth will it be like at the juniors???? - That's when I may well de-register.)

Another quick point-
I have spent ages researching Autonomous learning or "unschooling".
I like the sound of it (although not quite sure on all aspects).
Children are naturally enquisitive and eager to learn if you allow them to follow their interests. I like the idea that the children are fully involved in what they study.
I have already decided against the national curriculum and would be really interested in hearing your views on this own. Thanx.

Another quick point-
I have spent ages researching Autonomous learning or "unschooling".
I like the sound of it (although not quite sure on all aspects).
Children are naturally enquisitive and eager to learn if you allow them to follow their interests. I like the idea that the children are fully involved in what they study.
I have already decided against the national curriculum and would be really interested in hearing your views on this own. Thanx.

I agree about autonomous learning pinkdolly. It's clearly the way forward. I know a family doing it, and one of the girls decided to take a GCSE off her own back (to her mum's horror) just to see how she'd get on. She did it by herself and passed easily.

The only question I would raise is this - how do you enable your children to mix with other children from a wide variety of backgrounds? Isn't there a slight risk they will only socialise with kids whose parents are your friends or at least share similar views to yours? Would they not then be less prepared for the outside world when they finally leave home? I know this can be a risk at school too... but would be interested to hear how others would tackle it.

Spidermama-Thanx for your input. The more I read about autonomous learning the more I like it. As I said I feel there are some points that I need to think about. But the concept sounds really exciting.

KatyP- I can understand your concerns over socialization. This was one of my biggest concerns when I first thought about homeschooling. I spent a great amount of time researching this.
I am not narrow minded at all, and would not dream of dictating to my children who they can and can not socialize with.
My oldest child has recently started Ballet school (because she asked to go). I am sure that as she grows up there will be other groups that she will want to join and will meet all sorts of people there.
Most of my friends dont actually agree with my idea of homeschooling, but my children still play with their children.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and it would be beneficial for my children to mix with people who have different opinions then our own. I hope this helps.

Kids have socialisation with different groups when they go swimming, to rugby, theatre groups etc. IME this is far more meaningful than the enforced daily pandemonium of the playground which actually fails to replicate any grown up situation. (except, perhaps, the army).

DS plays with all the children on the street, he will also play with girls which his friends wont, he will think nothing of sitting down with an adult and having a conversation.

It is only at school that kids are put into a classroom with 30 kids and expected to get on, as soon as they leave school they have to learn to socialise with people of all ages especially in the workplace.
I certainly dont just socialise with people of my own age and i went to school all my life.

My dds are at a pleasant lower school atm but I will always have home-schooling as an option as they get older. I endured 4 years of bullying at secondary school and would never inflict that on my children. It's lovely to find a positive thread about homeschooling . Round here it seems quite common-I know three families doing it, one with four children aged 3-12.