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Original poster

Really angry at DS' teacher (long)

53 replies

Poshpaws · 03/02/2006 16:27

Was waiting in the playground this afteroon, chatting to a few other mums, when the kids came out one by one from the classroom.

The teacher checks to see if she can see the parent/carer before letting the child go. Anyway, she had DS1 and then she saw me. However, before she let him go, she shouted across the playground' Could you please teach him how to do up his zip over the weekend'. This was followed by a smile, but the tone in her voice was exasperation. All I could think to say at the time was 'Oh, ok'. The other mothers were shocked at her approach and it wasn't until I was walking home that I actually became really angry about it.

DS1 is not 4.5 yet and started Rception 3 weeks ago. DH and I have tried on a number of occasions to teach him to do up his zip but to no avail. However, what really got me was that she didn't call me over and tell me, she shouted across the playground. Also, there were a number of children running out of the classroom without their coats done up.

I understand that it must be a pain if a child is coming up to ask you to do his zip up each time he goes out, but I assume he doesn't, as this is the first time that his coat had been done up prior to him leaving the classroom. Normally I do it.

Anyway, it is parents' evening next Wednesday - should I complain about her attitude then or before.

Thanks

OP posts:
Issymum · 03/02/2006 17:11

Hi Poshpaws

I think you are being a little oversensitive but there is something about being a 'new school mother' that makes one very prone to hyper-sensitivity.

I went to pick up DD1 from school a few days ago, something I very rarely get to do. DD1's teacher took a while to let DD1 go even though I was waiting in the playground. Finally she looked up at me and said 'Oh, Mrs Issymum, I haven't seen you for such a long time, I didn't recognise you.'.

I suspect that that is exactly what she meant (particularly as I was wearing a very glam new coat and probably wasn't that recognisable), but I immediately interpreted it as an underhand comment on my commitment to DD1's education, my absenteeism as a parent, the damage on fragile infant personalities wreaked by WOHMs and my fitness to adopt a child.

In a few years time, we will be battle-hardened playground warriors and won't give a t*ss.

SoupDragon · 03/02/2006 17:17

Having seen the chaos that is pick up time at school, I think you're over reacting.

iota · 03/02/2006 17:18

Issymum - I think you are exactly right. I am a veteran with a child in Yr 2

Anchovy · 03/02/2006 17:21

[Ooh Issymum, tell us about your glamorous new coat. Have you been back to the John Lewis personal shopper?!]

Feistybird · 03/02/2006 17:24

I'm not a veteran (well I am in that I'm old) DD is in reception.

Issymum · 03/02/2006 17:33

Totally and Hopelessly Frivolous and Off Topic:

Anchovy - not John Lewis but Paris! It was virtually forced upon me by my deliciously shallow friends in Paris who were struck dumb with horror when they discovered that I was wearing a coat I'd bought in 1992 (and worn in every subsequent winter). Two very bad things about the new coat: 1. once I had a lovely new coat, I absolutely had to get a new pashmina and new handbag to go with it and 2. as I came back on the Eurostar I was searching around for a washing label - DD2 had put her muddy feet on the coat - and I discovered that the fake fur cuffs and collar were actually 'veritable lapin'.

Even more off-topic, I did discover a wonderful and very reasonably priced handbag shop in the 6th in Paris. So good that I fleetingly wondered whether I could export the handbags to the UK!

Blandmum · 03/02/2006 17:36

I think that you are over reacting. She didn't shout at you, she shouted so that you could get the information. She said 'Please' and smiled. She may have forgotten to pass on the information to you as you child was leaving. She couldn't leave and walk to you, as she was with other children.

It is friday, the poor woman has porbably had a long and difficult week. Cut her some slack, please!

If you complain about her 'attitude' I think you risk looking as if you are hyper sensitve and over reacting.

moondog · 03/02/2006 17:38

FGS poshpaws..complete overreaction!

Anchovy · 03/02/2006 17:41

[Sounds fantastic!]

Aloha · 03/02/2006 17:43

I agree that she wasn't be rude, she probably HAD to shout to be heard over the din, couldn't come over to you and just thought of it, and realised her tone was a bit off as soon as she spoke - tired, fridayish etc.
However, if it was me, I would have a quiet word on Monday morning just to say, 'actually my ds is dyspraxic and cannot do his zip up yet and it is a bit embarrassing when you said that as it is something I try to do for him unobtrusively and not draw attention to what he can't do'. But that's in my particular case.

singersgirl · 03/02/2006 17:51

I wouldn't complain, but I would be a bit surprised, because as far as I can see that's a bit like saying "Please make sure that your son can write his name neatly by Monday" or "Please teach him to ride his bike without stabilisers this weekend". Some 4 year olds just can't do it - mine can't.

My 7 year old's only just managed his zip and nobody's ever mentioned it to me, so it just seems a bit odd.

Aloha · 03/02/2006 17:54

I did think four was really young, but I'm used to my four year old not being able to do things that other four year olds have mastered ages ago.

mandieb · 03/02/2006 18:14

30 x zips at break time
3oxzips at lunch time
30 xzips at home time
It Friday ,we are all tire on a Friday let it go and save your energy for bigger things

jalopy · 03/02/2006 18:16

Mandieb

robinpud · 03/02/2006 18:20

I do think you are over reacting poshpaws. Just out of interest have you ever thought how long it takes to do up the coats of all the children in 1 reception class if they are not reasonably independent. Teachers get very few breaks and sorting small children out each playtime can deprive them either of valuable learning time if you start to prepare early- not always possible if the children are for instance in assembly, or it can mean they don't get to the toilet or have a much needed drink .
There will be plenty of other opportunities to complain about things I am sure so why bother getting worked up about this, especially if you are in part reinforcing what other people have told you about this teacher.Why not from you rown opinions over a reasonable period of time.
In the mean time offer him a challenge to master the zip!

annh · 03/02/2006 18:25

Having just spent only an afternoon today helping out in ds2's reception class, I am not surprised that she shouted by the end of the day. I am completely worn out by the antics of 23 4/5 years olds in the hell that is full-class art on a Friday afternoon and every week I wonder how the teacher has reached the end of a full week of similar activities without losing his/her mind. Please, please don't take it to heart because there will be thousands of other little "papercuts" to your soul over the years in school and you just have to become immune to some perceived slights or you'll have a miserable existence. I suspect that if a teacher said the same thing to you in year 1 you wouldn't even hear her, never mind be offended by it!

roisin · 03/02/2006 18:26

Issymum - I love your posts; you are so perceptive of yourself and your motivations - and simultaneously witty.

mandieb · 03/02/2006 19:02

If you heard it in year 1 you would probably shout back OK NO problem ,Have a nice weekend .

Avalon · 03/02/2006 19:12

At the infant school I know, all the kids are brought out to the top playground where the parents/carers wait. The child is not allowed to go unless they know the adult picking them up and the majority of the time the teachers know them as well, because they see them regularly.

If the teacher can't come out, she could have kept Poshpaws' ds till last so she could have a word with Poshpaws. Not requiring a lot of thought from the teacher.

If this doing up coats is really an issue, ie has been for some time and not just today, then a note home in the book bag is the way to go.

Something the teacher could have prepared earlier.

Issymum · 03/02/2006 19:14

Thank you Roisin [preen] [preen]!

getbakainyourjimjams · 03/02/2006 19:34

How could she have come over to you if she was seeing the other children out? Complete over-reaction. Get a thing that attaches to the zip (Thomas ones are sold in aid of the NAS)- even ds1 can pull that up (athough he does need help hooking the zip) and he can't dress himself at all usually.

Weatherwax · 03/02/2006 19:56

My dd2's reception teacher calls out "Could I just have a quick word" and we trail over to her and wait for the other children to be let out. She doesn't like to discuss the issues in front of the other parents/children. I find this attitude quite nice.

She doesn't have that many children though...

Caligula · 03/02/2006 20:13

I think she was rude.

It's polite to assume that parents have tried to teach their children to do their zippers up, or their buttons up, or whatever.

I'd just say to her on Monday morning "We tried yet again to teach him to do his zipper up, but as he's only 4.5, his motor skills aren't developed enough yet, so it might be another 6 months before he's ready to learn that."

I wouldn't shout it over the playground either.

It all comes back to that old chestnut, kids being sent to school too early.

My DS still can't do buttons up competently (although he can just about do them incompetently) and he's 6. His motor skills are crap. That's life.

hercules · 03/02/2006 20:20

Complete overreaction. I agree with the others about it being water off a duck's back as your ds gets older.

Original poster
Poshpaws · 03/02/2006 20:33

Ok, ok, I concede defeat(having just had a long bath and a chat with DH who also thinks I am over-reacting). Must admit, am quite chuffed that this thread so many posts on it .

Really, it was not about the zip - it was the shouting and being as I am the sort of person who hates rudeness, be it perceived or actual, I will get on my high horse.

However, as I have said previously, other parents have had 'issues' with this teacher's approach so maybe there is something in it.....

OP posts: