Struggling with private school fees but what choice do we have !!

[hugoboss1]

My fairly intelligent daughter went to a local small village school. Not academically great but a nice environment/nice people.

Our dream was for her to go to the fairly local private secondary school but we knew it would be a struggle to pay the £12,000 school fees.

We did not get any of our 4 chosen local schools but the worse secondary school with a dreadful reputation in every area. A family friend worked there for 5 months before having a breakdown, she witnessed various things and strongly advised we did not consider it an option. It was a nightmare situation and we attended 8 appeals, contacted the local MP, had meetings with the local education authority and both my husband and I rang every school within a comutable distance begging for a place. We were offered no alternative so she did not even start the new year as my husband is a qualified teacher so we kept her at home whilst fighting for a place.

Our daughter is very sociable and was devastated to be at home, wondering why all her friends had been offered places at their first chosen school. In desperation we contacted the local private school but were told it was full. I virtually broke down as I spoke to the admissions lady and she promptly told me she would come back to me. The following day our daughter went for an interview and assessment day and was offered a place. She was absolutely delighted and jumped for joy.

We have struggled greatly to pay the fees and the last 18 months have gone on credit cards. We are just an average income family and have gone without any pleasures.

She is now in year 10 and adores the school. She is a great sportswoman which the school is known for and is doing well all round. We have not had a single issue since she has been there and she is becoming a wonderful young woman.

Last september we applied and recieved a bursary although it is only 30% off and of course there are all the extras. Due to the failure of our business and several companies having gone bust on us we are in a financial dilemma.

Realistically we need to take her out of the school as I have no idea where we are going to find the fees. The school will not help further as of course it is a business afterall. we have already been recieving help from family for this years fees but they cannot help further. She is aware of the situation and terrified she will have to leave. It would be a nightmare to do so, being half way through GCSE's it could really destroy her chances of doing well.

I am not sure what I am expecting any one to advise, I just wondered if anyone out there had a similar experience. I feel very angry towards the LEA for putting us in this position in the first place. We watched several people at appeal lie through their teeth in order to win places. She was the only child in her year not to get her first chosen school. We did everything above board but got nowhere.

Oh for a lottery win !!!

Do you have any relatives who would loan you a bit of money?

I think renting out a room is an excellent idea. Try www.sparerooms.co.uk as they are the place for Mon-Fri renting which would be easier on you all (disclaimer: I haven't rented a room out through them so don't know if they are any good).

Could your daughter do any coaching/run a sports session for the afterschool club at a local primary school? Our school would bite her hand off to do that.

sorry, just realised you have already had help from family .

Could you rent out the house and rent a small flat in a town so that jobs are easier to get to? Could your daughter stay with a school friend during the week so that you only have to rent a studio/1-bed?

If the worst comes to the worst couldn't your DH home school her for Gcse? And beg her present school to let her sit her exams there as an external candidate.
As for the sport, surely there are clubs she could join if she is that good?

Thes options:

1. Rent out a room on the house. Possibly rent out two and your husband and you sleep in the living room.
2. One of you commute to London every Monday and work there and then come back at weekends if there is no local work as you say
3. Put fliers around local houses offering cleaning and other jobs, ironing, children's parties, window cleaning. Ask around pubs for bar work.
4. I have done things like mark exam papers. Done writing for pay. Look on peopleperhour where you can bid for work. Could you offer services to the school free like admin or lunch time supervision?
5. Might you inherit when family die - if so could they advance against that - probably not as you say you have exhausted all family loans
6. Could she coach young children in sports or do a paper round or Saturday job herself?

7,. Could your husband set up doing an extra job of local taxi driving services.

1. Could you and your daughter offer local babysitting services?

I am writing school fees payer of 5 children or was 5 so imagine you have it x 5 and you're paying from one income, yours

There are some brilliant ideas above you may be surprised what is available. I know someone who is paying fees for someone who is attending his old school because its the only way they could afford to go - not someone he's ever met but someone nominated by the school. Take the advice above. Really hope school come through for you it wuold be sad to have to move her during year 10 unless you must

Why not ring round your state options to see if there's a space?

And I know the school is a business but surely they have some sort of duty of care towards your DD - they can't just boot her out because you cannot pay full amount, surely.

Could they offer you monthly payments on some sort of low rate of interest over two years? It seems a bit tight to kick her out mid GCSES, poor kid.

I really feel for you all op. What a horrible dilemma to be in. There has been some really good advice on here for you. Both my children are at prep school and my eldest is just about to leave at 13. At one point last year, through no fault of mine, I suddenly had some financial hardship. I had to speak to the head and the bursar for help. They offered to defer payments for a while and if really necessary they said they could look into a bursary for me. As it is, my financial blip ended in 2 weeks and the offer was withdrawn. At the point I was also searching for extra jobs, cleaning, etc etc. couldn't and wouldn't rent out rooms as I'm a single mum and would feel a bit vulnerable in my own home but renting a room sounds fab.
Please don't forget as well that included in the Michalmas term fees for year 11 will be all her GCSE exam fees. That will add quite a bit to that terms fees.
I wish you all the best and hope the school can be a bit more accomodating to your daughters needs. xx

"When I was made redundant and worried about paying school fees the bursar offered to defer fees. It was his decision alone. He didn't need to consult anyone."
MollieO The OP obviously needs an increase in her bursary so I this is not a decision the bursar can make. His job is to manage the detail; who pays what and when not personally decide on the size of bursaries. He can make offers to defer fees etc. if he knows this is something the governors are happy to do but he acts for them carry out their wishes and decisions.

Others have suggested that the OP ask the bursar to have fees deferred to pay over a longer time frame. Then the suggestion was made that the bursar couldn't make that sort of decision. My post was to demonstrate that that info may be incorrect. Where in my post did I mention about a bursary being increased?

Consider renting out your house and renting a smaller one to create some income each month?

Now this really is Mumsnet at its best, when all opinions about state versus private are put to one side to give a posters some excellent advice to keep her daughter in private school. Xenia has offered up some fantastic suggestions. I do hope things pick up for you OP and please do come back to let us know if you've made any headway.

I sold my home in London & moved out to somewhere where I could buy for less, to free up some capital for DS's private school. It is a long story, about why I couldn't get any LEA help, but DS has ASD & various cognitive impairments & was having an utterly shit time, not to mention not learning anything at the lovely (& I do mean that, it really was lovely) state school that he & DD went to. I found a specialist school & he is now thriving. It was well worth the move.

I recently sold a couple of things on ebay - high end handbag I never used and pair of unworn Ugg boots DH had misguidely bought me for Xmas. They weren't sold to pay school fees but commented to DH that the two items together raised about a month's school fees. Do you have non essential things of value you could sell to raise some cash to keep going for a little longer? This might be an obvious one but could you go from two cars to one? Depending on what you have that could be a way of raising a sizeable chunk of money.

Also just noticed your mention of "all the extras". At 15 and knowing the financial pressures you have perhaps she would be willing to go without some of the extras if they are optional. You don't have to do ski trips etc. She would probably be happy to take a packed lunch rather than eat school dinners. Presumably by this stage she can do without more uniform or you know older girls who have gone into sixth form and can hand bits down.

I totally feel for you BTW - DH is self employed and this is absolutely my biggest fear - I breathe a big sigh of relief every time we pay another instalment of fees for our DC.

not much good for now, but one way that some mums at dd2's school brought in some extra money was to offer to sew in all the name tags in uniform.

would probably work better at a prep school, rather than a secondary - I know the 2 mums were absolutely snowed under over the summer holidays, and at one point were turning down work as they couldn't guarantee to get it done. you could maybe advertise at the local prep schools next term? and leaflets in the uniform shop etc? dd2 had a ridiculous amount of things needing naming - full uniform, both summer and winter (they go back to school in Sept in summer uniform, and swap to winter after half term), and a full PE kit (for rugby, football, hockey and netball) too. plus swim gear. there were a lot of grateful reception mums off-loading that chore...

Your say your husband is a qualified teacher. Is there any way you can use that to make extra money?

oh yes - I'd missed that - is tutoring an option? especially in the run up to exams etc. a friend of mine supplements her income by tutoring (grammar school area) and does reasonably well out of it.

If your daughter is halfway through her GCSEs there is a slim chance of getting some help with on-going fees from a charitable trust, particularly where the school is making a contribution - however I should warn you that you may fail for the following reasons:

-This is a case of parental preference for education
-There is no social need, just financial
-There may be an argument that you have not been able to afford this for some time and so it is not a sudden change in circumstances.

I have to disagree with you AnneLongDitton . A 30% bursary is extremely generous for most schools (not the highest of course, but generous compared to the norm none the less).

I agree with Anne however that you should not presume you will not get further help. You may be able to negotiate longer repayment terms. You should have a VERY clear idea of exactly what you feel you can afford to pay monthly before you enter into these kinds of negotiations being completely honest and realistic about this. I would avoid however any attempts to 'go behind the back' of the bursary by going stright to the head. I would recommend approaching the head in the first instance in writing, copied to the bursar. Best to have everyone in the loop. You will need to be detailed, but unemotional about the reasons the school should want to keep her (what she offers them in added value), why you want to keep her at the school and the financial position you have got yourself into. No-one has said no to you yet!

If you have been financing school fees by credit card this MUST stop. It is unpalatable, but some parents simply have to face the facts that they can no longer support a private education. You CANNOT continue as you are - it will mean financial ruin which will haunt you forever.

I work in the bursary dept of an independent school,for/Senior level 30% is low for a means tested bursary ,under the ,now discredited public benefit rules,the CC had expected to see higher.

If you really are on a very low income at this level I would expect the school to do everything in their power to enable your daughter to get through her exams

"If you have been financing school fees by credit card this MUST stop. It is unpalatable, but some parents simply have to face the facts that they can no longer support a private education. You CANNOT continue as you are - it will mean financial ruin which will haunt you forever."
I agree with dramafluff we have just completed the annual bursary aplication form and OK we dont have amy spare money but are debts which are only a small overdraft have not increase year on year.

I feel your pain and really hope you find a way. Having to take my kids out of school really is my worst nightmare, I've had friends have to do it and it's truly heartbreaking.
My sister was in your position 10 years ago and and literally BEGGED the school. They let them stay and she finished paying off the fees 8 years after they left. I think they have to be your first stop. Don't take no for an answer.
Good Luck.

I'd move heaven and earth not to move her in Y10, as I'm sure you will.

What I'd suggest is talking to the school. They have seen this all before. One friend of ours went bankrupt and our school waived some of the fees and arranged a 5-year instalment payment thing. After all, most fee paying schools are not-for-profit organisations, that exist to promote education. They are not going to want to disrupt a child's life at a critical stage.