Homeschool or Traditional (WWYD) -long-

[bebemooneedsabreak]

Background:
Based in S.Wales
Dd (2yo)
dc2 on the way
Me SAHM
Dh a contractor, so moves around from job to job. Ideal because he gets bored easily with jobs and the money is good.
We have an 'unstable' life with moving around to visit him during the weeks or going to different countries for terms of the contracts...not seeing/being together is not really an option as we're codependent miss each other and get stressed when we don't see each other, plus dd really loves to be with him too and gets quite cranky when we end up being away from him (we've had times where visiting during the week was just not possible)
Dh and I both had rather neutral to negative experiences with school and talked abt (even before kids) possibly homeschooling as we felt the opportunities for personal growth higher for students in hs (as you can tailor learning more) plus they'd be less likely to get bored (which happened to both of us). I felt quite capable/exciting of teaching our kids.
Family has been very negative toward this idea (we have teachers on both sides who feel very strongly about school...) saying you'd just not be able to do enough for them, and that we were being naive. ILs also said we just need to 'settle' and think about what we're doing to our kids moving around so much...
Because of our lifestyle traditional schooling would mean being apart during the weeks at least...not ideal...and having more 'stable' life which would make (at least) dh and I unhappy -hard to say yet how the kids would feel about it- The likelihood would be that dh would end up going permanent to be closer/around during the week (and be miserable with monotony) and I'd have to also get some sort of job to make up the loss in pay.
We recognise that our school experiences color our feelings about school. And that our desire to have a slightly less traditional set up 'in the house' is based on our own desires to move around a bit and not be miserable in work...
However, we don't want our children to miss out on things (friends, socialising, being a 'part' of something), and fear making them 'outsiders.'
We're thinking that IF we were to put them in traditional school we'd want to move to the countryside/mountains (so in the next 2-3 years) and get settled. If we weren't we'd still likely move, but would be less worried about being near a good school.

SO:

1. would you HS or Traditional school in our position?
2. would you move to be close to a good school 'just in case' -but knowing that travel/commuting time for DH would greatly increase (thus time away)
3. would you 'stay put' in a less than ideal home and continue to 'move' around as dh's jobs entail

We're really back and forth about this and your ideas and opinions will hopefully give us additional things to consider and help solidify our feelings.

Could you explain a bit more about what you mean by travelling to see your DH during the week? Is it an overnight trip? As the mother of a older child I can't help but think that continuing that pattern because you ad DH struggle to be apart for 5 days could lead to resentment and boredom on the kids' part. Also, how long are your DH's contracts usually for as I think that's a factor to take into consideration.

Well when dd was younger we went to visit dh mid week. He'd leave Monday morning, we'd leave Tuesday afternoon, spend two nights with him, then travel home on Thursday morning. On Wednesday we'd go to local parks, museums, zoos and shopping (dependent on weather). He'd return on Friday evening.
Right now we're all in Germany.

Contracts usually last 6 months often we get the opportunity for extensions (usually additional 6month stints)...but not always. We try not to accept anything less than 6months as it's 'too much' even for us to handle.

I guess an issue would be how home schooling works in other countries. If for example you would go to Germany for 6 months, then 6 months back in uk, then 6 months in Spain etc.

HS would be fine in the UK with that setup - but not sure how accepted it is in other countries - something to consider when choosing where to go.

It sounds like with your current lifestyle your family is always going to be different - so maybe you need to accept that and pull out all the positives from it. Your kids are likely to make lots of short term friends, some you may keep in touch with long term. They will learn to mix with all sorts and get a first hand experience of all sorts of cultures. They will learn what interests them as they go along.

My concern might be how you would handle the more technical/science based interests (although you may not worry about that for a good 10 years or so from now). No problem in picking up reading, writing, basic maths, and lots of general knowledge along the way.

I would be tempted to say if it suits you know then go for it, and review periodically. You can go back into the school system at any time - although there would bound to be a period of adjustment and the kids may find the routineness and regulation a bit of a challenge.

My first though is that, by the time they are about 6 or 7, your children are likely to start feeling very unhappy and unsettled at being moved around every year or more, as by that age they tend to develop stronger friendships - so both leaving existing friends and making new ones become more of an issue. Up till then they're more inclined to play happily with whoever is available so it's less of an issue.

So, sooner or later it's going to be a compromise between you and DH being unhappy, or the DC being unhappy....

How about having a base somewhere, where the children have a chance to make friends, but home educate them to give you the freedom to travel as well? You'd probably work out in practice how much of the time the DC needed to be back at base to keep friendships going and how much you could be free to go to where DH was working.

Our very tentative idea was to have a base home in the UK (as we do now) and really focus on having mostly UK jobs, but not limiting ourselves to them if the time/opportunity came for something better (but we'd not be giving up the UK property unless really in need to). In the ideal world we'd find a contract which would pay enough over 6 month that we'd then be in the home base for the next 3-6months (but so far we'd not accomplished that because we're still sorting uni bills and bought a house etc.)

DH is very technical/science based and while he'd still not be home during traditional school hours, at the nights or weekends he would (and does) spout tons of information (he was telling dd about how the car works the other day when we stopped at the petrol station and she asked why we stopped i reminded him she was 2 and that she wouldn't understand abt fuel injection systems yet )
He has a degree in Physics and I've a degree in Literature/English.

sounds like you've got it covered then :) Go for it for the next few years and see how it pans out. No need to make firm decisions until dd is at least 7 or 8 - she can easily slot into the primary system at that stage.

I think you may as well go for it and review as your children get older - it may well depend on what your children's personalities are like. Some will thrive on new situations, some will start to find it unsettling once their focus isn't as much on their parents and siblings. But there's no point tying yourselves down "just in case", or trying to plan for what might suit you all in 5 or 10 years time.

On a practical note, as Throckenholt says you do need to be aware of the laws in the countries you go to - Germany for example does not allow home education, but they may not apply that law to children of foreigners on temporary contracts. France allows it, but has a very fixed set of curriculum requirements - but again I don't know if they would make you comply.

What everyone else says, LOL! I'd definitely home educate for a while. It sounds ideal for you. You may want to bear in mind that the kids might want a more settled base when they are older. But you don't have to plan everything years in advance, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Join some home ed email lists or come over to the HE board here at mumsnet if you want to know more about how HE could work in practice and have some reassurance to offer your doubting-Thomas relatives.

Isn't HE illegal in Germany?

OP, I know a Home-schooling family who are semi-travellers (away from "home" about 5 months/year, all in breaks of 1-35 days).

I think what you're proposing is fine for children under about 7, and for some children even longer (personality dependent).

But I am convinced that that kind of lifestyle plays havoc in the lives of some children. They struggle to do any regular activities or make and maintain firm friendships of their own. Friendships take time and lots of small experiences built into a muchness, even friendships among children. So yes, "outsiders", and not feeling they have roots.

Hmmm never heard of home schooling be illegal...tho if we're not official residents don't know how that would factor into things... will have to research such things.

I don't think it matters which you do because you still run into the same problem once they get to about 8yrs old-even if you HE they won't like the constant change and having to sever all the old and keep starting afresh.
Why not try HE for the infant years, when they are naturally dependent on family, see how it goes and find a suitable way of being settled by 7/8yrs. Continue to HE if it has proved rewarding for all, but put down roots somewhere.

You are going to have to be very careful. HE is not allowed in Germany, has very strict criteria to be allowed in the Netherlands, you have to submit a syllabus in France (and it has to be approved), and in somewhere like the USA it varies from place to place.
You would also be laying yourself open to criticisms about socialisation for your children, especially as they would not be integrating into the local culture. Also when they are older they may well rebel.

My teenagers would hate this (I think they would prefer boarding school).

Having just returned from a 3 week visit (not a holiday) to Sydney with DS aged 11 and DD aged 8, where DH is working for a few months I can't see this working long term. DCs want to be with other children and they want to see their friends. Mine were bored out of their minds and constantly fought (which is unusual) because they were sick of each others company.
I have made it clear to DH that in future if he works away for long periods we will not be visiting. DCs would have had a much better time here with their friends and so would I.
You can probably get away with it whilst they are small, but past 7 they need friends.

If you are a uk resident and pay your taxes here then when in other countries you don't fall under their education laws, it is the same for forces families. When in Germany we can choose to HE. If you want a bit more advice you might try reposting in the forces sweetheart section on here there may be some there with experience of it. My DCs have struggled with moving constantly but mainly due to the loss of friends so if you could have a uk base and join a HE group in that base then you may get around the issues. Only you know you kids so as long as they are happy I would go for it. You may however need to involve them in lots of groups for sport etc when they get a little older, which may tie you to a location a little more.

I agree it is a question of later on, around 7 or 8 or later (when friends are more likely to be wanted) that troubles may arise. Though one cannot be certain that they will arise...dh was very unhappy with his school 'peers' and found it hard to relate to them apparently, so was not particularly social or bothered about 'society.' I was a bit more sensitive and enjoyed a few close friends, but have never made lots of friends. As suggested we'd try to be open and observant and sympathetic to the kids so that we could guage their reactions to the moving/ schooling...
And we would honestly sacrifice/compromise with the children to meet as many needs as possible for the benefit of the family as a whole. We imagine it would be easier to ascertain what is needed by everyone as they get older because you can discuss what we all need and want and how we feel about everything.

I think extended visits (not holidays) to foreign countries would be particularly hard as one would have very little of one's own things/space etc.

I've been looking into the homeschooling in other countries and find it amazing about the regulations...it's very eye opening. It's still not completely clear if the kids and I were not official residents what it would mean for us. More searching is needed.

Its not a dilemma that I can answer because I dont fully home school, just supplement.

Life is so short, and so many people get into a rut - because of the children - and take a step backwards and dont do what they want - because we dont want to interrupt their education - etc. All of a sudden, the kids have grown up, you are in your 40s,50s, and have done nothing with your life.

You mention your DH didnt mix socially at school, but with his now current job, he was obviously very clever and probably focussed on his interests rather than people, and it sounds like he has a really good career.

Kids moving schools regularly cant get very hard on them. It takes time to be accepted, curriculums are presented differently in different schools. Whilst they all cover the same topics, schools dont have to teach them at the same time. So there is risk of lots of duplication on some topics, and other topics that they could never be taught. This will cause huge gaps in their education, and they might (might) miss out on the skills to be able to follow in their fathers footsteps.

Lots of people do home educate - very successfully - but you have to have the commitment to do it properly for their sakes.

You could make the travel experiences as opportunties to learn about different cultures, and make it part of the trip that you do this. explore the local history, lifestyles, social environment, etc. They will have a greater understanding and acceptance of the world for having experienced this.

I would recommend you do follow the curriculum, so that if they do go to school at any time, they wont have problems with interfering bodies. The curriculum is very broad so you can fit in life experiences alongside what is expected that they should be taught.

Dont worry about family comments, but do investigate the whole HE system properly so you know where you stand, where you can source your data, how to prepare lessons, etc. It will be hard, but not as traumatic as pulling your kids in and out of schools and the disruption that that would/could cause.

Do what you feel in your heart suits your family and your lifestyle. Make sure your children have and maintain friendships

I disagree with RoadArt about the importance of following a curriculum or the difficulty of home education. It doesn't have to be like that. For many families education is just part of life and is not separately arranged; this doesn't make it hard for children to go to school later.

At certain ages, there are a few critical skills which schools expect, and it might be hard on a child to drop her into school without them. For example, while a eight year old who cannot yet read can do fine being home educated, if she starts school she may feel a lot of pressure since the school system relies so heavily on reading skills at that point. And obviously it would be hard to arrive at school late on in the runup to GCSEs with no preparation. I don't know how difficult it might be to start at a Welsh school unable to speak Welsh. I suppose there are many children who do move to Wales and have to get to grips with it quickly; some may find that easy and some not.

Aside from that, it really isn't hard for a child who has learned in a purely informal way to join school. Many children who are educated using the "autonomous" or child-led approach do so. You don't have to follow the National Curriculum, because they will naturally be exposed to most of its content over time. My daughter and various of her friends who have gone to school late on after learning autonomously all their lives have not had any major issues.

I don't think that the HE is an issue. It is moving a DC around continually once they get to about 8yrs that is the issue. I think it is OK to do something like a world trip when they are over 8yrs but only if they have roots to come back to, but not a constant, on the move, life. You can do it in the early years because family are all important, after about 7/8yrs, friends and community gain in importance.

We'd certainly not want the kids to feel like we/they do not have roots. This is the reason why we'd have the 'base' in the UK and hope for (and take) mostly UK contracts, with the occasional foreign contract if it were worth the expense of moving part time.

What we're imagining is dh working (probably in the SE) and us (me and kids) visiting during the week to take in city culture but being home for 5 days a week Th-Tu. Then every other year or so we can see a great contract coming up in a foreign country which would be too hard to pass up and we'd relocate for 6m (or longer) and then return to the UK home base....

You just have to bear in mind DC might not like it. I have friends like that and I as very envious of their lifestyle, but by 12yrs the DCs were begging to stay at home and not travel. Yours may be different.

Yes of course. As I said, we'd be having discussions and talking about things as they got older in addition to watching them and being sympathetic to their desires. We always try to be reasonable and thoughtful of everyone's needs in the house.

To be honest by 12 so much will likely have changed (also) that new choices will be available to us. For all we know we'll have won the lottery by then and be independently wealthy

I echo everything ExoticF is saying. Just see how it goes. This isn't really a thread about Home-ed, but about a semi-traveller lifestyle. It doesn't suit everybody. The classic parallel is children whose parents are in the armed forces, but at least they tend to move within the same larger traveller community, so they meet children at school that they were already best friends with 5 yrs earlier, and the schools are geared up to deal with the regular influx and egress of RAF brats offspring, etc.

Lost a huge post!

But I basically said a loud no because:

You are too introspective of nature to do Home Ed properly IMO, as it requires a lot of external liaison to be done properly, with other Home Ed families, child-centred groups and so on.

You run the risk of damaging the kids through the lack of a stable, continuing base and associated friendship groups. You have expressed difficulties making friends yourself and replicating this in the next generation is dangerous.

Your own desire and need to get an education would suffer badly, with possible long term effects, particularly if your DH loses the ability to be an effective freelancer through ill health or whatever.

Therefore I urged you to bite the bullet and establish a nest for your DH to pop in and out of whilst you rear the kids.

I hope you have a tin hat BoffinMum-I should run for cover!