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Original poster

If you read this about a child/teenager what would you think?

63 replies

katymac · 26/10/2005 22:25

Looking over several reports, there are some continuing themes....

Orally very good, presentation disappointing, untidy,careless, badly spelt, difficult to read

English - enthusism & interest, satisfactory standard, works well in class but written work needs much attention, orally has no problems but written work letting her down

Art - well presented, high standards, enthusiastic

PE finds certain aspects difficult, made a steady effort without any improvement, finds some skills difficult to master, finds this subject difficult

would these comments indicate a trend, do you think?

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Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 22:55

Lord alone knows Aloha, likes the company of adults, also likes much youger children (I'm a c/mer...) has previously been bullied (school assures me that it has stopped - but she is still bed wetting) may not be bullying the child who was bullying her.......

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Caligula · 26/10/2005 22:57

Ha ha ha Aloha, hope there are no PE teachers on Mumsnet! You sound like the kind of pupil they wanted to murder!

aloha · 26/10/2005 23:00

Dyspraxic kids or those on the fringes of the AS spectrum (where dyspraxic kids tend to hover) often love adults and little kids but have trouble with their peers, and this really comes into its own (sadly) at this age, rather than at primary where socialising is simpler and the world is gentler.
I feel for your dd. She sounds really unhappy. I think I'd try the chat with her and her teachers andmaybe call the school Senco as well just to look into ways to boost her confidence re her work as much as anything.
What do you think about her?

aloha · 26/10/2005 23:01

Caligula - my opinions are rather coloured by my own prison-warder-type PE teachers and the traumatic effect of being sent 'cross-country' running around the local council estate in scarlet gym knickers. Bloody sadists!

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:05

I know she is unhappy I think I said before on MN that the teacher blaims her home life for her unhappiness.

I have made an qppointment at the enuresis (sp) clinic

I am having her tested at the dyslexia clinic

We are seeing the school nurse and discussing whether we need a family support worker

Hopefully after all that we can go in to school with a better idea of what is going on....I think that the bullying has really affected her confidence and don't believe the school that it has stopped

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Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:07

I also think that I keep going round in circles trying to find out why she is so unhappy - asking the same questions in lots of different guises to try and find that magic answer

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JanH · 26/10/2005 23:09

Has she some friends?

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:10

A best friend (in the year above) - they are inspearable

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aloha · 26/10/2005 23:15

i wasn't suggesting for a second that you didn't know she was unhappy - more that her unhappiness is - as you know - more important than her work and quite possibly the cause of the poor work. But she might well have some genuine difficulties with motor skills that could be overcome with some imagination on behalf of the school - ie use of keyboard, more time, bigger worksheets etc.
Agree that the bullying could cause a total collapse of confidence, but also it is possible that she is being bullied because she is slightly different. That is not to excuse the bullyin in any way whatsoever, of course, but maybe it all links in together.

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:20

I'm sure it does link together

DD went on an african dance day on Monday and in the car asked if there would be other girls like her on the course. Her dad said of course there will be other 7yo's, she said no brown like me he did the big - "it doesn't matter what colour anyone is you are all there to dance " and when she got there, there were about half a dozen mixed race girlies waiting to start dancing.

She said good I'm glad they are brown - they will like me

When Her dad told me this I was devestated why is she so negative about her colour (the bullying apparently only happened for a few weeks)

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aloha · 26/10/2005 23:22

I suppose to her it does matter, and if it matters to her then I suppose it does matter iykwim. I think bullying and even teasing can really affect your view of yourself forever. Look at tonight's Trinny and Susannah! I think that's so sad about your dd but does she have any other black friends/role models to help her boost her confidence?

Trickorflum · 26/10/2005 23:24

Yeah, more arty. Not so good at writing.

Clearly totally skiving off Maths.

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:25

Only 3 non white in the village (DD & DH are two of them)

She has cousins in London but we only see them once or twice a year

There is a lovely black man in the village - he is an artist and goes into school to do art with the children - but DD Doesn't identify with him at all.

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aloha · 26/10/2005 23:27

I can imagine that is quite tricky for her atm. If she's coming up to that pre-teen, incredibly self-conscious stage and if the bullying was racist that really must have struck at the heart of her identity and how she regards herself, which is pretty fragile at that age in lots of girls.

JanH · 26/10/2005 23:27

Oh, poor lass

Where do you live, km? (roughly?) Is it a predominantly white area? It must be hard for her - I'm glad the dance thing was mixed.

JanH · 26/10/2005 23:29

Oops, Xposted.

If her dad and the artist - 2 adult males - are the only other non-whites then she must feel very different. I don't know how you can help her at 7 to get through the feeling of isolation.

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:30

But I don't think the work issue is just a confidence one. I think she really struggles putting stuff down on paper. AND I think my old reports show I had the same problems. I am fine producing work on a PC now and maybe that needs to be an option for DD.

The SN lady won't even talk to me - she barely has time for the diagnosed SN children as we have something like 40% SN children in the school with maybe 25% with a diagnosis.

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Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:31

Rural Norfolk Janh - totally white
I'm starting to wonder if we should ever have moved here (but every thing else is great)

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aloha · 26/10/2005 23:32

I tend to agree with you, which is why I suggested the Senco and talked a bit about dyspraxia. Sorry your school's senco is so crap. That's awful. I still think that the bullying can have destroyed her confidence though and that cannot help.

JanH · 26/10/2005 23:33

I wonder if the LEA could help you more than the SN person at school? I know Norfolk is a very rural county but there must be some other mixed-race kids around.

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:38

Well there is a little boy 3 villages to the east and a little girl has just started brownies....but I can hardly collar the child and insist that she comes to play..or can I?

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JanH · 26/10/2005 23:40

Er - no - maybe not!

I was just thinking that if you contacted the LEA about the lack of support for DD they might be able to suggest something/poke the school's SEN co-ordinator?

aloha · 26/10/2005 23:42

And as I say, I sympathise as my reports were very similar to yours partly owing to my dreadful, indeed, practically absent hand-eye coordination and my ds's handwriting and 'presentation' will always, I suspect be absolutely appalling. But I will be very angry if this becomes more important to the school thatn the content. There are ways for a bright kid to get their thoughts out without relying on handwriting, and there are also ways to help a child with their handwriting . Handwriting is hard to get right for dyspraxic kids as they have poor coordination and inadequate visual perception. Also dsypraxic children often reverse letters after other kids have grown out of doing this. There is a book (I think, it's a handwriting programme) called Speed Up! by Lois Addy published by LDA which is recommended.
In the classroom, teachers should be asking her for verbal responses, not just written ones, simple things like providing and angled writing board, and bigger worksheets on pastel paper rather than glaring white can help some children. Teachers should be praising at least one piece of work every day.
The book How To Understand and Support Children with Dyspraxia by Lois Addy has some very good stuff on handwriting IMO, even if your child isn't dyspraxic. You can get it on Amazon.

Original poster
katymac · 26/10/2005 23:43

Well I'll see how the school nurse/family support worker/dyslexia clinic pan out - if we get nowhere with them then I may approach the LEA.

Hopefully we will sort out the problem with one of the above options

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Caligula · 26/10/2005 23:45

I also think she needs to know that white children aren't going to dislike her or not want to be friends with her because of her colour - it sounds like the bullying has really knocked her for six and this has become a big issue for her. Is there any way you can encourage her friendships in her current class? More playdates? What's your relationship like with their parents?

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