I’m so sorry @Curlyhairedassasin. When my dd was really bad, asking her to eat or any kind of forcing her to eat made her so much worse. She used not eating to completely blackmail me into silence. She had and a lesser extend has a desire to punish me by not eating.
I spoke to one of her friend’s mum, who knows dd well and had anorexia herself about this. She said that any and all talk about food would stress dd out loads. She told me to take the food to dd’s room. To say, ‘here is your food, I’d like you to eat it please’ then leave shutting the door. I could trust dd not to throw or hide the food. She’d either eat or not.
From there, I slowly, slowly increased the volume of food. At the time, dd was eating carrot sticks, humous, grapes and the tiniest amounts of cheese once daily. I was weighing everything before and after and I learned ways she’d eat a little more such as not to give a nearly full pot as she’d not go onto the next one whereas a half empty one she would.
Idk if low contact like that would help your dd. It’s contrary to FBT but it worked for dd and she ate increasingly more. I then went onto her eating lunch as a second meal when she could rationalise a tiny bit more and I could take more control. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you trying to cope alone with 2 girls with very specific needs. Just dd is all encompassing.
It sounds as if you’ve given your all and have been a really good mum to your girls. Please don’t doubt yourself. You have been doing everything possible to look after your girls, unlike the man, who is supposed to be by your side supporting you and your dds.