Christmas and parents

[Mellowyellow222]

I have struggled with weight and bulimia most of my life.

I have had counselling and a lot of it is routed in my mums issues with weight.

She spent most of my childhood talking about weight - her weight, my weight, other peoples weight. The highest compliment she can give someone is they are ‘nice and slim’.

I am not.

Every time I see her she talks constantly about diets and weight. I really struggle with this. I change the subject each and every time but she doesn’t get the hint.

I have put on a lot of weight over the last two years. She is coming to stay with me for a week and I know I will spend a lot of the time fighting back tears of rage.

A confrontation at Christmas seems wrong - and she will just say I am over sensitive.

Anyone else dealt with this and any suggestions?

I second what PermanentTemporary said. 👆🏅

Got through Christmas Eve without a mention - amazing!

Then today we had guests in and both parents started talking about diabetes- at great length? No idea why. Also started telling my neighbours about how much weight my uncle has put on and how people in our family need to be careful about weight and sugar.

My neighbour actually has diabetes and you could tell she didn’t want to discuss this on Christmas Day. I changed the subject several times but they both kept returning to weight and food and sugar and fat. On Christmas Day!

She then started telling my niece she was eating too many cookies - I laughed and said everyone eats too much on Christmas Day - that’s the point. My sister and brother in law remained silent😩.

I have said I need exercise and have gone for a walk - which has made them really happy - but I just wanted to escape!

It will just be us this afternoon and if they raise weight and food I am telling them I have heard enough. I realise this is a problem that have - but it is making me miserable

They sound like absolute shitbags, OP. You're a saint for putting up with them!

Be really firm with them - tell them that their constant discussion of weight is exhausting, it makes you and others (your neighbour!) uncomfortable, and could we all just agree not to discuss it over the Christmas period, as you are finding it hurtful and upsetting. Tell them you're well aware of your size, and you don't need them to harp on about it 50 times a day. You are a highly successful, professional woman - if you wanted diet tips you would see a dietician.

Then when they bluster about you being over-sensitive, tell them that's their opinion, but that either they agree to give it a rest or you will spend the whole Christmas period feeling unhappy instead of enjoying it.

Be really firm. My mum can be a bit like that (not nearly as extreme though), I too developed an ED as a teen but even seeing me waste away to skin and bone didn't stop her, until a couple of years ago I had an extremely firm discussion with her, pointing it out in clear language, giving examples when challenged, that she stopped.

Oh my, that's a mixed picture! Yippee for Xmas eve, your poor neighbour! Glad you escaped for a walk and it got them off your case for a bit. Good luck with exerting your boundaries. Well done for surviving this far. 🎄