Eating disorders and Work

[FennyBridges]

Hi everyone. I've posted before. I am still struggling somewhat and I have come to an agreement with myself that I will eat at home.

I might eat at Cafe Nero if I'm with my family.

This means I have breakfast (today a hot cross bun and cup of tea) and then eat when I get home from work. This can be 4ish or 7ish if my sons are being ferried to clubs. I will drink tea or coffee at work and eat an apple if I feel faint or dizzy.

I am a teacher. There is a teacher in my department who notices that I do not eat. I vary where I spend lunch times so it is not obvious to any one person that I do not eat at work. But I had a headache before an evening at school a while back and she tried to convince me to eat a doughnut, and I absolutely couldn't so I compromised with a piece of fruit. On this occasion she said she noticed I was looking thin and she expressed concern. Since, she has made a few (harmless comments) like, "FennyBridges aren't you having lunch?" I suppose it happens once a week but I know she looks for me to be eating.

I wondered whether I should bring my eating disorder up with her and explain that whilst I am struggling, I am dealing with it and this means I cannot always manage eating at work. Not give any history or any cause for concern, but I am trying to deal with it by eating when I return home and before I leave for work.

I try to hit about 1000 calories a day. I am trying.

Would it be acceptable, in your opinion, to say something like that to a colleague? We are all friendly and would probably socialise if our marking load, or our own children, were easier. We care about each other. But I obviously don't want any repercussions; either professionally or with gossip.

If it helps, I think I can trust her and my bmi is not low enough to cause concern (19 something.)

Thank you.

Perhaps give the therapist time to get back, or leave a phone message if you feel able?
I found this woman's writing incredibly helpful, hopefully it might be of some help to you too
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hunger-artist
I also try to think of my kids and how my odd eating patterns and anxieties affect them, which can be helpful in tackling the anorexic thought patterns.

I am glad that you reconsidered talking to your colleague. It is very sad, but stigma, ignorance and fear exist.

My own experience (I - was - also in a longterm education role) was not positive, as when due to my ED becoming severe, my CMHT insisted I took time off work. My school's attitude to me (having had a prior exemplary absence record) altered significantly and my role was changed (to "reduce the stress on you"). I was removed from my classroom to cover multiple classes ... immensely stressful, cue further decline of health, cue eventual resignation.

Tread carefully.

And this thread also has made me feel less alone ... in my 40's with an ongoing lifelong struggle ... it makes me feel less of a 'failure' at life ... thank you.

Thank you too!

I will tread carefully thank you for sharing your experiences. You have clearly been treated awfully. Have you got back into teaching at all?

The thing is, I'm surprised my eating disorder is obvious. My very good friend/colleague was commenting on my lunch this week: a salad full of veg and ended with, will it sustain you? This friend/colleague is male and has never heard the original colleague comment. It's shaking my belief in the behaviour I try to keep secret. I know my bmi is in the 19s and I don't consider that to be too thin. So why do people comment on my food (when I have it or don't have it) because they don't comment on eachother's.

I love hot cross buns however and find them hard to resist.

I haven't shared any experiences but now I have another colleague who has not made comments but asked me directly if I am eating. When I asked why she was asking (surprised not defensive) she replied because she never sees me eat.

I just can't see it. I am not too thin. BMI 20. I don't know whether to seek help and if the professionals will just eye roll if I do.

Do people say these things to you?

Have you been eating 1000 cals a day since your OP a month ago?
I would have expected your weight to be really dropping by now, but you say your BMI is steady.

No matter though, you clearly have problems. EDs are not just about weight, please speak to your GP and get the help you deserve. It does seem that your colleagues are overly invested in what you eat.

I eat more at the wknds. I try not to but I am my most comfortable at home so it seems less insurmountable.

I haven't weighed myself if I'm honest.

Am having a really similar issue at work too. I thought I had done so well to not be noticed as having issues around food, but in the last two weeks I have had comments about how I always refuse food and someone checking if I have had lunch. It is really playing on my mind, and like you @fennybridges I can eat much more comfortably at home. In company I can barely chew and swallow food properly :-/

Someone who feels like me? That means so much @thatcoldfeeling ! Thank you.

You are definitely not alone in feeling like that - it structures/ruins my whole bloody life, the difficulty eating around people especially.

Due to the nature of my work, what I look like is so important to its success. I know I just repulse people, I mean who would want to pay someone to assist them improve their health if the person providing it looks so horrible / ill?

I decided to retrain and be self employed due to not being able to gain employment (quite clearly based on the thought I would be not able to do the job solely based on their assumptions - haven't ever actually taken a day off). Size discrimination is so obviously rife, but can't really prove it.

I feel so at the end because similar to you, when what you look like / how you are, provokes other people to question your ability, there is no hope ever removing those opinions from their minds. My business is failing and will until I can revolutionise the way I look (put on many kg's). Trouble is I'm failing on that front too, even though I feel like I can't eat any more or try harder. I feel like i'm rotting away.

Sorry, didn't mean to offload all that, but I just feel various similarities to your situation.