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This forum is for Health Care Professionals including student nurses, junior doctors and adult nurses.

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To ask HCPs how you avoid taking work home. ***TW attempted suicide***

61 replies

Overwhelmed0305 · 03/05/2019 23:01

Namechanged as potentially outing to colleagues.

End of programme student nurse here, just finished an awful shift. A teenager was brought in earlier having taken a massive overdose of prescription drugs and alcohol, the aftermath was horrific to watch and now I’m home, I cannot get the images of her out of my mind. It’s the first case like this I’ve seen and it’s unlikely to be the last. I just wondered if any more experienced HCPs have any tips on how to block this shit out when you get home, because all I can think about is her little face and the damage she’s done to herself. Sorry to put this on AIBU but I just can’t shake this one off.

OP posts:
TheInventorofToasterStreudel · 04/05/2019 07:50

Ask your team/ tutor for a debrief. Write a reflection. There are some great, usually free resilience courses in many trusts. try to attend a Schwartz round. It gets easier but some patients affect you more than others.

Rubberduckies · 04/05/2019 07:52

Nothing she has said breaks confidentiality for goodness sake! And of course she can talk about it at home. You don't share all the details, names, specifics, but it's ok to go home to your friend, mum, husband and to say that a patient you saw yesterday has killed herself and you feel shit. Or someone has died in traumatic circumstances.

OP find someone you can talk to. You might find that you have different people who help in different ways. My husband doesn't really 'get it' but lets me get it off my chest, cry and makes me something nice to eat or drink. My Mum is a general nurse. She struggles with the MH aspect but is just so experienced at debrief and always knows how to get me to consider my feelings, my actions, make a plan for the next time and writw a reflection for my revalidation! My sister is a paediatric nurse who works in palliative care. She's fantastic, has a super dry and dark sense of humour and can make me laugh after the most horrendous shift. My colleagues know exactly what I'm going through and are always there just to chat and get it all straight in my head about what happened. Reflections are helpful to get it on paper.

Talk with people you are close to at home or friends, and talk to people who are experienced like your mentor. Talk with people who were there at the time, and with impartial people at the uni.

Good self care - we can't look after patients if we don't look after ourselves first. It's a cliche but true. Whether that's a walk, mindfulness, a soppy film or favourite box set, hot chocolate, cuddle, bath, whatever you need to help yourself.

There will be some situations you never forget. It's often a 'first'. First death, first resus, first suicide, first DV victim, but it gets easier. Not because you lose empathy, but because you've learnt how to cope and you learn how to leave it at work and switch off at home in most situations. Sometimes it's different because the person reminds you of yourself, or of someone you know. It's ok and it's normal and human.

HebeMumsnet · 04/05/2019 10:31

Morning, OP. We're going to move this over to our HCPs board now where we think you'll get more responses from others in a similar situation. Hope you're feeling a bit better this morning.

Flowers to all the HCPs here who work so hard to keep us all safe and see all the stuff the rest of us can turn away from.

iolaus · 04/05/2019 10:50

Talk

And your colleagues are likely the best ones to do this with - not always the ones who were working with you that day

Once after a shift where we lost someone and I felt that life ebbing away and was powerless to do anything I ended up taking it out on a punchbag - that helped, then went home and sobbed - felt drained as anything afterwards but it helps. Or a exercise which clears your mind (I dislike running but running downhill does help me in this situation - because all you can think of is where to put your feet)

Sometimes you need to be held too, whether thats by the person you love, a colleague, cuddling your own kids or a random person

And I hate to say it but a lot of HCP do use alcohol to help - it's not clever at all, but many do it to numb it a little, because when you can't sleep because everytime you close your eyes you flashback or when you do sleep you wake up to the emergency buzzer going and you are out of bed before even waking then realise you are in your bedroom

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/05/2019 10:57

FireFighter, nothing op said breaches confidentiality.nadda,nowt,nothing
No location
No identifying details of staff or pt
And this is unfortunately a common event esp at weekend

Don’t berate her for talking and reaching out.we all need that

itbemay1 · 04/05/2019 12:26

You should be having a debrief after something like this with your mentor. There are things that stay in your mind and you'll prob never forget this but you'll learn along the way to cope. Thanks

SauvignonBlanche · 04/05/2019 12:40

I echo what others have said in that trying to block this shit out when you get home is not the answer without talking it through first.
As PPs have said attend any given debrief, chat it through with your mentor and of course you can talk in a non-identifying manner with friends and family.

I’ve been an RN for over 30 years but can still remember details of incidents in my training, they don’t go away but you learn from them.

I hope you’re feeling better today? Flowers Brew

Overwhelmed0305 · 04/05/2019 14:06

Gosh, thank you for all the wonderful responses. I’ve just spent my break reading them all Smile

Had a cuddle with DP last night and a wee cry, then a chat with my mentor this morning about it. Feeling okay, I think.

OP posts:
Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 04/05/2019 14:35

I'm sorry about your shift yesterday and hope that today's is better. Thanks

I completely agree with all the advice above about talking it through with an experienced mentor, and I'd also recommend a reflective diary for the times when that's not feasible. Set out your feelings, not just what happened.

Be kind to yourself too. So easy to say but I mean it. I've had a few incidents over the years that have stayed with me, and initially I found that would have flashbacks to the situation. I wanted to reassure you that this is normal - up to a point - but easier with good care and support from your family. Obviously, if the situation has a longer term impact then it would be wise to seek further help.

Everyone deals with the pressure in their own way. I like quiet but used to work with someone who would play loud heavy metal music after a bad shift. So my final piece of advice is to do it your way and to remember as you begin to support others too, is that everyone in your team will cope differently so don't compare yourself to them or assume that they are fine.

Good luck when you qualify.

happypotamus · 07/05/2019 17:17

It's been a few days since you posted this. I hope you are feeling better about it now. If not or if it comes back to you at a later date, please talk to someone, either your mentor or anyone else you get on with at the placement or someone at the uni (personal tutor maybe?).
We were talking about how things at work can affect you the other night when a student asked how we dealt with some of the terrible things we see and deal with. I have been working on the ward for over 10 years, much longer than most other people, and she asked if I was still upset by things that happened. The answer was absolutely yes. I still sometimes go home and cry about the situations our patients and their families have been through, and that is ok, you wouldn't be human if you didn't, you wouldn't be a good nurse if you didn't have the empathy that meant you felt like that, as long as you have some coping mechanisms so that you can process what has happened and deal with it and move on from it. There will be some patients that you never forget. Different people find different things help them switch off a bit and deal with this kind of thing: reading, loud angry music, a walk in the fresh air, a hug, a cry, exercise, reflection, maybe proper structured reflection like they teach at uni or writing a long rambling stream of consciousness about what happened that helps you get it out of your mind rather than is something to put in your portfolio.
Good luck with the rest of your course.

beccarocksbaby · 10/08/2019 21:13

I work with 16-25 year old young women with personality disorder so see a lot of self harm, ligatures, suicide attempts, overdoses etc etc. I've had to become very very good at self care, compartmentalising, accepting my feelings as a good thing and supervision supervision supervision.

It's not easy. At all. But you become practiced at it even if you go home, thrash a punch bag and cry in the shower sometimes.

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