Hospice nursing, feeling 'traumatised'

[rankoutsider]

I am a nurse in large hospice (adult). I have worked there for 4 years. For the past 8-10 months I think I am struggling with it. I feel traumatised-for want of a better word.

Some of the cases are horrific with unimaginable suffering . I worked for 13 years in various hospital settings before this.

I am having what i think are intrusive thoughts, I constantly think about death, the names of patients, particularly young patients and very sad cases, or very traumatic deaths.

I am not sleeping, I stay awake for days and when I sleep I have nightmares and vivid dreams. I also think I am having episodes of sleep paralysis or terrors.

I was ill in hospital at the end of last year for a few days and these feelings have become a lot worse since then. I am crying a lot and just not 'myself '.

I keep thinking about going to the GP but don't know how to explain myself.

Sorry for the self indulgent essay. Have any other hospice nurses experienced anything like this?

Not a hospice nurse, but...

There's nothing self indulgent about your post. I think your GP would be extremely sympathetic, or possibly occupational health?

I don't think you need to explain yourself to the GP beyond listing the symptoms you're experiencing.

It sounds very much like post traumatic stress disorder. It must be very hard to go back day after day experiencing that level of trauma. I have worked in an adult setting with high mortality and it is very traumatic and it builds over time.

I have not worked in a hospice, but I have had PTSD and know how intrusive the thoughts can be. You need to protect your mental health, speak to your GP and get signed off for a bit, get referred for specialist PTSD counselling and see if there are any work place based counselling options too.

Ultimately you may need to look for work elsewhere, remember you cannot help anyone if you do not look after yourself first x

Fellow hospice nurse here albeit a childrens one, I've been doing it for the last 11 year's post qualifying.
I think maybe you can reach a point where it become.more and more difficult to switch off once you get home and deal with all the emotion that your working day comprises. Maybe a change of direction? Have you spoke to any other colleagues or we not team members etc

Senior not we not

Please seek professional help with this. You may be suffering from compassion fatigue and deserve some support. Sending you healing thoughts.

Do you not have weekly Supervision with the Nursing Director / Senior Nurse to talk through the experiences causing you trauma ?

I worked in a Hospice (non nursing role). Because all of us had contact at times with Patients and could be affected by their experiences, we had regular Supervision meetings. We could talk about anything we needed to discuss and ask for help if we were struggling. It was also the role of the Manager conducting Supervision to identify if someone was experiencing trauma as a result of their experiences.

If you are not receiving Supervision of this nature I think you should ask your Manager for a meeting to discuss what you are feeling.

In my opinion it would be extremely hard mot to be affected by some of the patient experiences you witness and you are entitled to support from the Hospice in managing that.

Thankyou lovely people, for all of your replies. We do not have regular supervision, we have annual appraisal. But senior nurses are available to talk to.

I am not good at talking about myself. I think this is the biggest part of the problem. I know I will start crying and not be able to speak and I get very embarrassed. I think I put on a very gpod front.

I am also scared to talk about it, because I feel like I am going mad and they will think I am not fit too work there.

I should say the care in the hospice is excellent. I am just under full time and I sometimes do bank in my old acute setting which reminds me how privileged I am to work where I do!

Any ideas how to articulate this to GP? I feel so selfish.

Screenshot of your OP would do the job

You’re not selfish, far from it.
Please seek counseling, death is traumatic. Your work should offer counseling for staff, especially in a hospice!!
You are a lovely human xx