One of those patients..

[sunnysunchild]

I'm a children's nurse. And until v recently worked in Oncology. One of my young ex patients died yesterday. I hadn't seen the child for a while, as I now work in a completely different area.
I can't give too many details as don't want to out myself .
But I am so so sad. I keep trying to give myself a boot up the backside, it's not my loss etc, but I'm so tearful when I think about her. I loved that kid, (not in the same way as my son children but I was very fond of them) I cared for them and their family for a long time. I had hoped that they would recover but no. I HATE cancer :(
How do you pick yourself back up?!?!

No words of wisdom but to you. That sounds so tough.

I’m so sorry, I’ve had a similar experience. One of my patients died 2 years ago. I knew the family really well and I was so so fond of the little boy. I used to see them a lot.

I’m not sure I’m the best person to advise tbh. I was really sad for a few weeks. I’m not sure I dealt with it all that well. On reflection I should have gone for counselling through work. I brought it up with my manager after 6 weeks but by then I was feeling less tearful. I think time does help.

We sent a lovely card to his family with a thoughtful message. It was nice to be able to say how much he meant to us.

Is there anyone at work you can talk to? Hope you are feeling better soon.

Just had another thought- I think that we’re all so busy at work, we just have to plough on, we don’t have time to talk to our colleagues about how we feel. The expectation is that we just have to get on with it, it’s part of the job. I had a lovely conversation with a colleague where she expressed it beautifully- there will always be the one child that we really love and when/if they die, it really hits us. And that’s ok. She had her ‘one patient’ that she really grieved. I think I needed that permission to feel a bit ‘unprofessional’.

I also think you need to practise some extra special self care, be it exercise, more sleep, avoiding negative people, catching up with an old friend. I think these deaths hit us harder when we’re not 100%.

Pears nurse here as well. I totally get it. It's a really weird feeling. I feel kind of guilty for being upset because the families loss is far greater. But we do get very attached to some patients. Especially the ones we have watched grow up.
It worst when you find out quite a while later.
I had a baby I had a real soft spot and thought she'd be ok, long term. I went off sick for several weeks so missed her condition deteriorating. Until my colleague told me just as we were going to see a film, that she was going to a hospice and parents were happy for people to go and say goodbye. I would have loved to have gone to see her.

@tasmaniandevilchaser is quite right about the one patient that you really love.

Thank you for the kind words. A couple of weeks on, I'm feeling a bit better. I didn't go to her funeral, as I didn't feel like it was my place. I'll never forget her.