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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Partner wants to force me to sell house

162 replies

moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 11:26

Has anyone who is not married had experience of being taken to court to try and force a sale to your house? We have a jointly owned house. He wants to sell now and split the proceeds but we have a low interest fixed rate mortgage that ends in July 25 so I want to wait till then as we'll have more equity and be penalised 18k for leaving our mortgage early. He earns more than me so selling now works for him. We've had mediation and every thing I offer as an alternative to living arrangements - mainly different nesting options he just objects to so making it pointless.

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:29

sleepyscientist · 08/02/2024 18:08

Can he buy you out and stay in the house with the kids?

so i lose my kids? no thanks. he isn't a good father at least 50% of the time i'd say. terrible role model.

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:32

Saschka · 08/02/2024 18:12

No, he didn’t want to get married because he knew very well that would entitle you to something in the event of you two splitting up, and he didn’t want that.

Now you are splitting up, and as planned, he doesn’t owe you any kind of financial settlement such as letting you stay on in the house, or anything other than a 50/50 split in equity.

I’m not saying this to tell you off for not marrying him, just to point out that this is exactly what he intended by not marrying you. It isn’t accidental. The fact he wouldn’t marry you was a massive red flag.

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yes i agree... too late by then we'd already 1 kid. he is an absolute arsehole btw... keeps cutting my internet off; wanted to charge me for using the tv - £2 a day, minor thing but annoying - keeps removing my profile on prime video(!); has called me a cheater on and off for 11 years. called me a whore and a slut in front of my children. before i've gone out: 'who are you going to fuck now?'

never ever cheated btw before anyone accuses me of that!! ha ha.

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:33

Bittersweet24 · 08/02/2024 16:44

The court ordered the sale of the house because both exh and I wanted to keep it but couldn’t afford to buy the other out. We had to sell up and split the equity and both downsize. The fact my dc were still young (under 10) made no difference.

I could have afforded the mortgage month by month but not the amount to exh. The children stayed with me and did not see him at all.

It made no difference that we were married either except this was all part of the financial settlement on divorce. I personally would have been better off if not married because I was the higher earner (not that high but he had no earnings at all.)

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so sorry🙁

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:35

can't find it now but the thing about if i was married the court would rule him leaving - was what my solicitor told me, obviously untrue then!

OP posts:
LordSnot · 08/02/2024 18:37

moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 12:56

Blimey, didn't expect such vitriol and so much support of a man!

Isn't there an argument for the stability of the children.. that he should just move out (that would actually be what I want). If we were married a court would say that he should move out, and yet because we're not, they won't.

How is a joint mortgage not a financial legal contract?

also he wants to split the childcare 50/50 so 1 week on and 1 week off. so it's okay for him to live in a nice big house with a garden and ok for me to live in a really shit house for the foreseeable future. they're going to really like coming to stay at my house!

i'm not arguing the split of equity, he's too much of a bastard to give me any more. he's too much of a bastard to move out because he doesn't want me living in the house. he can afford to rent somewhere.

People who earn more money tend to have nicer and bigger houses. If you want it you need to earn it.

Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:39

moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:23

ooh this is a good idea!! i'd have to work out how that would work but that makes a lot of sense! or maybe he takes the mortgage and i get a smaller one but more cash out of the house...hmmm.

we ported a previous mortgage so i don't know why i didn't think of this!!

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but actually better for me if i port it... i get the benefit from the mortgage that he didn't want as he's happy to pay the ERC. i think the ERC is based on the equity that you would have received if you didn't break the mortgage.. so we would get about 18k of equity (although i worked it out as more) and so we are penalised 18k because of it?

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:41

LordSnot · 08/02/2024 18:37

People who earn more money tend to have nicer and bigger houses. If you want it you need to earn it.

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that is such a snobby thing to say... i've worked hard nearly all my life. i work full time and do all the housework and 80% of the childcare as he does fuck all (makes their dinners every other night and thinks he does loads)

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:42

moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 18:41

that is such a snobby thing to say... i've worked hard nearly all my life. i work full time and do all the housework and 80% of the childcare as he does fuck all (makes their dinners every other night and thinks he does loads)

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is that why you are called LordSnot? the fact that you're a Lord must mean your a man and this forum is for... women, no? definitely don't need a man's opinion right now. i have enough from my dickhead ex partner.

OP posts:
chocolaterevs · 08/02/2024 18:46

moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 14:33

I didn't mean for this post to turn into a debate about marriage and not being married. What I wanted was someone out there to say 'yes this has happened to me and this what I did' than other people's opinions or telling me that I should have got married.

the figures on the 900k mortgage are not correct... it isn't that big... but not only is it a 18k penalty but also we will earn about 20k in equity. overall i worked it out as a 45k loss.

i understand the children are more important than the financials & i'm honestly surprised at all your comments. you're making me sound very selfish which is what he says I am... so maybe I am. I'm not trying to put money in before the kids happiness and my own. Part of it is: this is their family home and I thought the break up of their home plus the breakup of their parents is a massive blow to undertake. but maybe it isn't. i don't think of the environment as toxic other than when he starts an argument/talks to me. if he kept quiet then we just go about our own business. the kids know we are separate.

i've debated just agreeing to sell and dragging my heels with it so maybe i'll do that... when we moved last time it took nearly a year anyway as we couldn't find a house we wanted.

Life just doesn't work like that anymore. Even if you're married. Men used to get pretty much nothing and the women used to get to stay in the house with the kids. I agree, in lots of ways it was better for the kids as they didn't lose their home as well as their other parent. I'm stuck in your position because we can't afford to live separately. I'd love him to move out and me stay with the kids. It just doesn't work like that anymore! Any judge will want to ensure you both have housing. The assets will be split 50/50 simple as that. There's no other option anymore. A court will order the house is sold. Kids don't get to stay in their family home anymore, they just don't. You have to sell assets and you are expected to rent if you can't afford to buy.

LordSnot · 08/02/2024 18:47

I'm a woman with very little patience for low earners who have children with a man who won't marry them and then whine when the inevitable happens. It's the children who suffer.

SquishyGloopyBum · 08/02/2024 18:58

Op, can you post the full figures.

Some of what you are saying doesn't make sense.

You say "but actually better for me if i port it... i get the benefit from the mortgage that he didn't want as he's happy to pay the ERC. i think the ERC is based on the equity that you would have received if you didn't break the mortgage.. so we would get about 18k of equity (although i worked it out as more) and so we are penalised 18k because of it?"

Have you seen the figures for yourself? Or are you relying on what he says?

Blanca87 · 08/02/2024 18:59

Some posters on here are not only smug but delusional, just take a look on the relationship threads that marriage is not always a route to security. Being in a relationship with an arsehole married or not is fast track to misery.
Sorry you are going through this and I hope you mange to create peace for you and your children and that a solution is found soon.
Be strong. ❤️

AlltheFs · 08/02/2024 19:04

Every ERC I have had is based on a percentage of the mortgage balance, usually a decreasing percentage nearer to the end of the fix (ours is something like 5.5% in year 1, 5% in year 2, 4% year 3 etc

DeeLusional · 08/02/2024 19:08

Farwell · 08/02/2024 13:03

My H had a property that he joint owned with a sibling. Original agreement was that it would be kept for their elderly parent to live in. His sibling changed his mind. The legal advice he received was that houses are bought to be sold and he could not stop his sibling selling it.

Sadly, you are in the same position with your partner, but with more emotion involved. If he takes it to court, you will lose. It will be less stressful to stop fighting it and get it sold, and move on with your lives.

Owning a house with a sibling who wants to sell is a totally different situation to owning a house with partner/ex-partner with whom you have resident children.

FruitBat53 · 08/02/2024 19:09

It sounds utterly miserable, OP, for all of you. I think for your own sanity, you need to get the hell out of there as soon as you can. A home with happy parents even separated ones is better for your children let alone you both. You can't fight the inevitable - put your energy into finding a home for you instead.

FrippEnos · 08/02/2024 19:12

moonstone6

I am fairly sure that you can't just remove him from the mortgage (he can't do it either) if you want to keep it.
Some mortgage companies can be quite tricky when trying to remove people from the mortgage.

I Think that I have heard (on here) where the companies have refused to let people out of the contract.
I may be wrong but its worth checking up on.

BloodyAdultDC · 08/02/2024 19:28

Owning a house with a sibling who wants to sell is a totally different situation to owning a house with partner/ex-partner with whom you have resident children.

From a legal perspective, regarding home ownership, it really is not different at all.

Morally, certainly, but OP states she can't afford to live there and support herself and the dc anyway so the only solution is to sell. Even in divorce the partner staying in the former matrimonial home MUST be able to not only support themselves but ALSO pay their ex their share of the equity. This simply isn't OP's situation.

Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 19:36

LordSnot · 08/02/2024 18:47

I'm a woman with very little patience for low earners who have children with a man who won't marry them and then whine when the inevitable happens. It's the children who suffer.

Apologies for not being a clairvoyant.

I didn’t realise I was a type of person.

why are you not called LadySnot? And why have you got such a non complementary username?

OP posts:
Original poster
moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 19:36

moonstone6 · 08/02/2024 19:36

Apologies for not being a clairvoyant.

I didn’t realise I was a type of person.

why are you not called LadySnot? And why have you got such a non complementary username?

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You say low earners like they are the scum of the earth. Wtf

OP posts:
Farwell · 08/02/2024 19:42

DeeLusional · 08/02/2024 19:08

Owning a house with a sibling who wants to sell is a totally different situation to owning a house with partner/ex-partner with whom you have resident children.

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No it isn't. If you joint own a property and are not married, the same legal principle applies. If it goes to court, they will find in favour of the one who wants to sell. Whether former partners or siblings. If you read most other responses on here, you will find they agree with me that a court can and will order a sale if neither can afford to buy the other out.

I said nothing about equity split or anything around subsequent housing needs for children because that is an entirely different question. And will vary in every case.

DeeLusional · 08/02/2024 19:47

Farwell · 08/02/2024 19:42

No it isn't. If you joint own a property and are not married, the same legal principle applies. If it goes to court, they will find in favour of the one who wants to sell. Whether former partners or siblings. If you read most other responses on here, you will find they agree with me that a court can and will order a sale if neither can afford to buy the other out.

I said nothing about equity split or anything around subsequent housing needs for children because that is an entirely different question. And will vary in every case.

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Nonsense. UK courts will generally award residency of a jointly-owned property to the custodial parent till the youngest child reaches 18.

Gymmum82 · 08/02/2024 19:51

Being married wouldn’t have allowed you to stay in the house. Maybe in the past but not these days. Courts was a ‘clean break’ so as the lower earner you might be slightly better off as you’d get 50% of all the joint assets or more if you’d given up work to care for the children for example. But unless you could have afforded to buy him out of his share of the house the court wouldn’t have forced him to leave.

BloodyAdultDC · 08/02/2024 19:53

Nonsense. UK courts will generally award residency of a jointly-owned property to the custodial parent till the youngest child reaches 18

They really don't. Mesher orders (during a divorce) are vanishingly rare.

And in the exceptional cases that are approved it leaves the other partner tied to a mortgage and property they cannot access which severely limits their own borrowing capability, and eventually all the equity needs to be repaid. The remaining partner takes on all the financial responsibility for the house.

OP CANNOT AFFORD TO LIVE IN THAT HOUSE AND PAY THE BILLS HERSELF - no court would possibly argue that she should financially cripple herself for the sake of staying in the house. And CERTAINLY not when they are not married.

Farwell · 08/02/2024 19:55

DeeLusional · 08/02/2024 19:47

Nonsense. UK courts will generally award residency of a jointly-owned property to the custodial parent till the youngest child reaches 18.

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That simply is not true. The other partner has the legal right to their equity to be able to house themselves. If one party wants to stay in the house, they have to be able to buy the other out.

You are thinking of a mesher order, which is also a court order, but allows sale to be deferred. They are not commonly awarded these days.

SarahB88 · 08/02/2024 19:58

FrippEnos · 08/02/2024 19:12

moonstone6

I am fairly sure that you can't just remove him from the mortgage (he can't do it either) if you want to keep it.
Some mortgage companies can be quite tricky when trying to remove people from the mortgage.

I Think that I have heard (on here) where the companies have refused to let people out of the contract.
I may be wrong but its worth checking up on.

Correct. In order to remove someone from the mortgage you must buy them out. I’m going through this process with my ex at the moment. He wanted me to just remove him from the mortgage and give him a lump sum. I had to arrange a call with our mortgage provider in order for him to understand this wasn’t possible.

I am now in the process of buying him out. I have an agreement in principle but if the mortgage does not go through for whatever reason the house will need to be sold in order to split the asset.

We split amicably and I knew that I could buy him out and mortgage the property on my own so he agreed to give me some time to get my additional funds in order. We went through a solicitor to get a legally binding separation agreement that laid it all out.

OP if you wish to remain in the house and take on the payments until the end of term to avoid the ERC perhaps you could come to a similar agreement whereby your ex will have no financial responsibility for the mortgage for a period of time?

I would check the ERC in detail though because when I first checked mine last year it was 12k, it’s now significantly reduced to 7k by waiting a year. But if you can’t afford to remortgage the property on your own and buy him out it will eventually need to be sold unfortunately.