My ex is having my 2 month old baby and he won't tell me his address

[Cariad2020]

Hi all,

Husband left me when I was pregnant, he wouldn't tell me his address while I was pregnant but told me I would be told when our son is born...

Son is now here and he told me an address which I later found out he moved out of as it was on rightmove for rent, I confronted him about it as I thought my son was at an address he wasn't at, he's admitted that he's moved but still won't tell me where or even the town. He also moved while on lockdown so I have no idea if he's in a house share or living with someone!

I have put my foot down and said until I know your address, my son won't be coming to yours. I've even said I'm happy for him to go to his parents house as I know that address however it is 2 hours away and he could just take him back to his.

It makes me uncomfortable that I don't know where my baby is going, I'm a first time mum and he has no family or friends locally so if there was an emergency, I would be the closest but I don't know where they are! He tells me I have no 'legal right' to know his address and I've googled it and it looks to be true..

I've tried to reason with him, I've spoken to a mediator and have an appointment to see if we're eligible for mediation but in the meantime he's threatening me with taking me to court and I'm scared the judge will bollock me for not giving my son access to his dad. He has PR as well.. I want my son to see his dad but I really don't think it's fair that I don't know where he is going. He still has a key to our home!

Any advice? Do I just drop it and allow him to go or stand my ground? I know my son won't be affected as he's only 2 months so won't remember this going on but I don't want the guilt of punishing my son by not allowing him to go to his dad's!

[Sodamncold]

* I would hope his parents would make sure he didn't go back to his place*

Short of them not trusting their son, I doubt this. After all he’s their son and they know where he lives so I highly doubt they’d have any problem with this, which you allude to in an earlier post

[Sparticuscaticus]

I wouldn't text his parents or him any more. Stop letting him negotiate on your reasonable point. He needs to give his address and explain set up so you can feel confident it is a add e and assess risks , not only coronavirus ones.

[Cheesypea]

Im glad your getting help on monday op

[Cariad2020]

Bluebluezoo

Yes fair point, I do trust him with our son and I know he would look after him very well, what my concerns are that I don't know whether he is in a houseshare or living with someone.. I'm from a civil service background and worked in Courts.. I've heard some nasty stuff so my head is constantly racing if he is around someone with previous convictions etc..
and my other concern that if there was an emergency, he has no family locally, nearest are 2 hours away.. I am the closest and I have no idea where baby is. At least if he went to his parents, his parents are around if anything were to happen

[Cariad2020]

Sodamncold

His parents didn't know that he had moved when I told her, she said he doesn't tell her anything. She apologised on his behalf that he had lied on where he lived and where his son was.

I've spoken to his sister about this issue and she stated that she didn't even know where he lived.

[Cariad2020]

Thank you sparticus.. I will stop all contact and if he wishes to speak to me he can contact me or go through his solicitor like he's threatened me with!

[Laslow]

You could try posting in the legal section on here op, some legal folks might be able to advise.
My own view would be to let him take you to court, it would buy you time to get your case together at the very least.

[MadinMarch]

No judge on earth will think your wrong not to send your 2 month old baby to his father overnight! Let alone to a father who is witholding his address! What is your ex's reasoning for refusing to give his address?

Exe's expectations of contact with such a young baby are wildly off the mark. Your baby is likely to suffer by being away from you, the primary carer, especially for such a long period. You could consider allowing him an hour or two a week, maybe in your own home in non Covid times.. However, I wouldn't be offering any contact at all right now, given the baby is so young and the current Covid situation. After all, you're a single parent and don't want to risk either the baby being infected or yourself via the baby. Yours and the baby's needs trump his right now.

Ex can wait to start building a relationship with him. His attitude of he'd rather not see his son at all than to give you his address does not bode well for the future. I talk from personal experience of having my daughter's father say this too, even though I was desperate for her to develop a relationship with him .
Just say No to ex and tell him you welcome him arranging a mediation session and/or Court so a proper agreement can be thrashed out. He'll soon realise that going tthrough the court procees is stressful, time consuming and very expensive. His solicitor will advise him that he has to be much more realistic about the type of contact he is likely to be awarded.

[LoKiMummy]

Don’t hand him over. Let him go through his solicited if he wants to

[Sparticuscaticus]

How did it go Cariad2020?
I really hoped you've found a way forward that works, rather than feeling bullied into something unsafe

This was Excellent advice from a PP ...
Just say No to ex and tell him you welcome him arranging a mediation session and/or Court so a proper agreement can be thrashed out. He'll soon realise that going tthrough the court procees is stressful, time consuming and very expensive. His solicitor will advise him that he has to be much more realistic about the type of contact he is likely to be awarded