myth or truth? Continuing a similar lifestyle

[almostdivorcedeek]

STBX has a very good lifestyle, he earns about £70 000 a year more than me, I was the stay at home parent to our DC who have now all reached over the age of 18. I do work now - 34 hours a week but obviously do not earn anywhere near as much as him. I am literally living hand to mouth each month. I am entitled to a very small amount of WTC but nothing else. I am constantly counting the pennies.


Obviously over the years while he was building his career I was there supporting him especially when he was frequently away, helped with his studying etc.... We had been together over 30 years - married for most of them.

I don't think I am after spousal maintenance but just wondered if I was entitled to anything extra to help make my life a little easier. I'm not expecting steak and champagne every night, but I am in no way living a the life I used to have. He does not want to use mediation or solicitors, mind you I couldn't afford a solicitor anyway!

[NotBeingRobbed]

Four weeks on and four weeks off in rotation would make it pretty impossible to look after the kids without a spouse! What are they meant to do in those four weeks when you’re not there? Boarding schools have holidays - there would obviously be times when that would not be the solution. What if your child refused to go there? It does happen.

Childcare responsibilities are the main reason why women cannot work difficult and anti-social hours.

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

Good luck deek, sounds very stressful. Head in sand is totally normal and understandable. Most ppl on this thread have tried to be helpful but we’re not lawyers so seeing a solicitor will defo be worth it.

If nothing else you’ll know where you stand.

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

Childcare responsibilities are the main reason why women cannot work difficult and anti-social hours

Garbage. My mother returned to work as soon as she could. I alternated between staying with grandparents on my mother and father’s side. If that was not possible my parents worked opposite shifts.

I will never accept the argument that once a woman has had a child it makes it impossible for them to work again. Thankfully the courts think the same and the Lord Pitchford ruling in 2015 known as “get a job” stated clearly that women should seek part time employment when children reach age 7 and have no right to leech off their ex husbands for life.

[TheShiteRunner]

MissedTheBoat How lucky your parents were to have your grandparents willing and available to care for you. This mostly isn't the case these days though, it it?

No-one is saying that a woman can never work again after having children. Absolutely no-one. Most of the main carers of children who are in school would LOVE to find a part-time job that would fit in with school hours.

You keep dragging your own bitterness into other people's threads even when it's irrelevant. It's a real shame that you're not a happier person who can see the point of view of others, and to see that not every woman is out to get the father of her children. Because that is how you come across.

[Knittedfairies]

Not everyone has parents nearby willing to take on childcare, or have a job where it is possible to do shift work.

[zsazsajuju]

Missed the boat or missed the point? Most women don’t have 24/7 childcare. You’re talking about something you know nothing about.

[zsazsajuju]

Also you are misunderstanding what that case was about. It’s certainly not saying “all women should seek part time employment when their children reach 7”.

[NotBeingRobbed]

My children have no surviving grandparents. They only have me. I do work flat out but I have made sacrifices at times along the way. I’ve worked part time at stages in my career so I can care for them too. Not so many men do that.

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

Extracts from the Wright vs Wright case:

There is a general expectation in these courts that once a child is in year 2, most mothers can consider part time work consistent with their obligation to their children

She will use her best endeavours to develop an earning capacity in 2 to 3 years time to the extent that it is compatible with [the children's] care. It is no good to refer to other mothers who do not work. They are not relevant to this family

[Beansandcoffee]

Missed the boat. That might be the case but in practice you try getting a part time job that allows school holidays, sickness, fitting of braces trips, etc etc etc off. No company pays a decent wage for those type of part time jobs. The impact on my career going part time was considerable and don’t get me started about my pension and what part time working does to it.

If women didn’t make these sacrifices and good men stepping up to financially provide then there would be no future generations. I wouldn’t have had children if I didn’t have a good man who took his responsibilities seriously and didn’t just assume childcare was my job.

We are divorced now but he still is a good man who has enabled me to continue to work part time to support his kids. Did you know that teenagers, especially boys need more moral etc support than they did in year 2.

[sofato5miles]

Missedtheboatagain has an axe to grind due to her personal circumstances. Very anti divorce laws that were put in place to protect vulnerable spouses.

FWIW. My STBEX is a v high earner. I am not. All assets are being split 50/ 50 and we are currently negotiating monthly payments outside CSA. My youngest is 7 and I will go back to full time work after finishing my post grad.

Neither of us will fully maintain our lifestyle. Such is life. But our focus is on our children maintaining their opportunity lifestyle, ie sports, schools, music etc. He will also support a home for us, despite doing 50/50 until my earning power allows me to be independent.

We are the parents of each other's children and so will be linked for life. We want to be fair to each other.

[dustyfan]

I don't know why some people get into relationships with women when they clearly hate them so much.

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

To Sofato5miles

Hope you are getting all these deals converted into a formal Consent Order.

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

missedtheboat is everything that’s wrong with some men. More like missedthepoint

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

missed I think you should take your tiny axe and grind it elsewhere. I feel sorry for any woman who was unfortunate enough to be in a relationship with you.

[sofato5miles]

I think missed is a woman. A pissed off woman

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

Ahhh...interesting

[Ella1980]

But to be fair to @missedtheboat the truth is SOME women do marry men because they are wealthy! I will put my hands up here and say that, as a 24 y/o the fact that my ex-husband was a high earner was a bonus. Initially. I'm not saying that's the only reason I married him but it was an advantage. As you get older you learn from your mistakes!
Years on and I'm very happily divorced and penniless. With a low-earning fiance in a tiny house and just, just getting by. Wealthy ex turned out to be an even bigger idiot than he was an earner.
He now has a much younger gf who doesn't have anything to do with "his" kids, can't be bothered to get a job but enjoys living in his huge house with a nice car and enjoys having her hair and nails done weekly.
Give me a man who loves me and doesn't treat me like a "little woman who should so as she is told" any day! Which is what I have now ☺

[sofato5miles]

Think missedtheboat is a man, was confused!

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

To Ella1980

Women marrying for money was probably common a generation or two ago. Possibly even encouraged by their own parents?

Families were much larger then and convenience appliances were either not yet invented or only affordable by the well off. So looking after 5 or 7 kids and running a house at same time would not enable women to develop a career of their own. So maybe they looked to husbands for security?

Was my wife attracted by money? Will have been a factor for sure as she came from a poor country (not her fault and no shame to be had) and had a 3 year old daughter (not her fault either) when we first met.

Knew each other 11 years before marriage. Not rich, but doing okay.

After marriage and the Oil and Gas boom that followed soon after which made money no object it all went downhill. Myself being away from home a lot was a big factor. Although wife could buy anything for herself she became unhappy. So money nice to have, but does not guarantee a successful relationship

Your Ex's new GF sounds like one of the women in the cartoons? If she drains him and then dumps him you will have the last laugh.

[zsazsajuju]

Missed the boat is def a man. A bitter one who hates women and has little understanding of the law.

In that case the wife could work. In others she may not be able to. Working patterns and childcare are certainly a huge barrier to women in the workplace.

I work full time and support my dcs. But I had to do a lower paid job to balance everything. And that’s with the ability to pay for 24/7 childcare.

[zsazsajuju]

And my ex is penniless (although has quite a good job) and was the lower earned. I get no child maintenance or anything else from him.

I don’t disagree some women (and men although it’s rarer) marry for money. But many don’t.