Ex wants annulment several years after divorce - should I be suspicious?

[SansaryaAgain]

Ex-DH and I divorced amicably enough 8 years ago. He remarried some years ago and we lost touch.

He recently contacted me to say his wife is keen for us to "confirm our divorce" with the church, and shortly afterwards I got some paperwork from the church office. I told him I would look at it. I wasn't sure exactly what confirming our divorce involved but figured it couldn't be an annulment as we wouldn't be eligible for one.

However, it is an annulment he's after. He's claiming it on grounds of "severe mutual lack of judgement", which I find odd as we were both adults at the time we married. We drifted apart and realised we'd made a mistake, but I didn't think that was grounds for annulment!

Anyway what I'd really like to know is if we get the annulment, could he use it to argue that, as our marriage is void, the terms of our divorce are invalid and demand back the financial settlement I got? I know there are several solicitors on MN, so am hoping one can answer my question.

[SansaryaAgain]

Footnote : think on Mick Jagger/Jerry Hall

Yes, though I already got the money 8 years ago and have the documents proving it, so at least that's something.

Looking at the paperwork the church sent, he can get the annulment regardless of whether I participate in the proceedings or not. The church just has to decide if his reason is a valid one. I don't think it is but they may beg to differ.

[namechange2222]

Mattresstestermax I got married in a register office despite being RC as ex was an atheist. My children were brought up as RC, were baptised, received Holy Communion and confirmation. Ex left when they were young and we divorced some time later. I always received Holy Communion despite my marriage not being recognised and therefore, within the eyes of the church, 'living in sin'. All the priests knew my situation, none ever said I was not entitled to receive communion.
Interestingly though, should I remarry I can marry in the RC church

[allegretto]

It could be to do with future school admission OP as the parents couldn't take communion unless they are married in church.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

The whole thing is a pantomime.

You can decide to play along or not as you wish.

[namechange2222]

I don't think school admission has anything to do with the religion or marital status of the parents. One of the section criteria is if the child is a practicing RC. A child could be a practicing RC without RC parents, or more usually with just one. I don't recall the application form asking the religion of the parents but I may be wrong

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall weren’t legally married so I’m not sure what that has to do with anything?

[TheVanguardSix]

He wants to remarry in the Catholic Church is all. I wouldn't barricade him. Just let him get on with it.

[CharlieSierra]

His intentions may be innocent (wants to get remarried in church) but the consequences will likely be that any settlement can be undone

Utter bollocks.

OP this is a church thing only, likely to be to do with taking holy communion. If he's started going to church or even if it's just his wife who goes, the priest may be encouraging it. If you disagree with the reasons given you should say so. I think it's insulting personally, and wouldn't willingly cooperate, but you might not care.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Good advice is rather subjective.

It’s also bollocks if you don’t have a scoobie about the actual law.

[RC1967]

I've NC for this post.
I'm a Catholic and my exDH is also. Our marriage was annulled quite swiftly-not going to go in details but along the lines of he wasn't being honest about who he was.
I don't recognise anything Movingon has said in her post. Certainly I didn't have to pay anything more than a nominal fee to the RC church. Another RC friend of mine has been through the process too, again, she paid a nominal fee and the annulment was granted. I remarried to another RC and have 2 baptised RC DC.
Your ex DH wanting an annulment is completely irrelevant to his child's potential school RC application. All that's needed is his child's RC baptismal certificate for an application. No one in the RC church is interested if your parents are married or otherwise, or been married 100times. This doesn't affect the child becoming a catholic. One parent would have to be a RC & that's it.

OP just don't engage/sign the paperwork if there's not a grain of truth in what ex DH is saying. He's not even a Catholic 😕Re the settlement, that's different and you're definitely not going to lose that. Good luck.

[RC1967]

*this is a church thing only, likely to be to do with taking holy communion.

The exDH isn't a Catholic, so shouldn't be taking communion in an RC church without converting to the religion.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Maybe you don’t recognise it because your situation was different RC?

As I said, it was complicated by there being a child of the marriage and the adultery. It also took quite a while to sort out and was apparently very expensive. I haven’t seen cheque stubs or anything but I take the word of the people involved.

[bastardkitty]

Have you thought about ignoring him? He sounds like a hypocrite. He wants you to lie for his benefit in some mysterious way. Doesn't sound very christian to me.

[Schlimbesserung]

As pp said, this is a religious matter and should have no bearing on your settlement.
I'd respond with the reasons why I felt the marriage was valid, because I would be so angry that he was trying to pull a stunt like this. If the petition is granted then at least you will have had your say.

[RC1967]

Movingon
Sorry-It just doesn't work like that. They're having you on.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

I don’t think so but thanks for your patronising post :)

[marywasneeavirgin]

He wants to re write history and he can't. She is with him knowing that there are certain things she can't do. End of. Tell him no.

[RC1967]

MovingonNot at all patronising- merely factual. Perhaps you should read up on it to educate yourself.
As I say, I have actually been through the process and am a practising Catholic v repetition of some village gossip. But you're probably one of those Catholic bashers who wants to perpuate the " Catholic Church is all corrupt" line.
Anyway I'm off, hopefully my post has been helpful to tenOP.

[AmeliaFlashtart]

Divorced 8 years, he's already remarried? Don't waste any more time on this,.

[AdalindSchade]

Don't do it. He can't erase your marriage and history at his new wife's whim. His petition is false so you can't in good conscience sign it.

[AdalindSchade]

I'm also imagining a bitter lawyer taking on his case as a grudge issue if you agree that you were never married and arguing that you therefore have to hand the settlement back. It's unlikely but possible.

[Thesecondtoast]

It won't affect your settlement. The courts don't take the church of England laws into account when dealing with family matters, they definitely won't take Catholic ones into account, Henry viii and all that.

[TheCraicDealer]

When you're RC and marry a divorcee you know what the score is. It's a bit off to proceed with the marriage and then decide a few years down the line that actually you don't fancy the implications and ask their ex to be complicit in a fabrication to allow you to skirt past the issue.

What does "severe mutual lack of judgement" even mean? Surely if that's a catch all for cases where there was no adultery, abandonment, misrepresentation or whatever, the whole annulment thing is moot? Why do they even bother with the whole charade?

I'd decline tbh. Even though I'm not religious I still try not to lie or make misrepresentations, and that's what they're asking you to do. It would be different if you had an ongoing relationship because of DCs or whatever but it doesn't sound like there's anything there worth the hassle or going against your conscience.

[Otterseatpuffinsdontthey]

Movingon
Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall BOTH participated in what they BOTH saw as a marriage ceremony.
21 years together + 4 children
Yeah, you are right - how could she divorce him, for adultery, when they weren't married?
Absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with him trying to "screw her over" financially

[sooperdooper]

I don't think school admission has anything to do with the religion or marital status of the parents

It does if it's a church school, a catholic school will ask to see baptism certificates & will want to know if the family regularly attend church