Dementia dad doesn't reminisce or anything. Just asks repetitive questions about who's in the house of if windows are shut

[Dementiadaughternumber2]

Just wondering if anyone has this. My father has had a really full life. Outingly full with what he's done, who he's met and what he's seen. So he was always very driven and focused but since the dementia kicked in (a few years ago now) he's lost everything. We never get the "do you remember when" or (if music is playing) "this song reminds me of x time". We never get any joy or smiles from him or are able to distract him with anything. A newspaper? He puts it down and asks who's in the house, what you are doing, where you are going later or if such and such an item is yours or his. A TV program? Same. The mind puzzles he used to enjoy? Same. Even the sport he used to play internationally? Same. If you are having a conversation with someone else he'll just cut across with the same three of four questions and badger you with "you aren't talking to me", "why aren't you answering" or even increasingly "be quiet and answer my question".

I don't know what I am asking really but it's just getting harder and harder to not feel extremely frustrated and tired with it all. Any guidance?

It's horrible isn't it. We've just had two care homes reject my mum and dad for emergency respite because they say they can't support my Dad's needs. My mum is in advanced dementia, bewildered and scared a lot of the time. My dad is mobile, good self care but is adamant that he is being stolen from. He rings the police every day about his stolen cars and will not accept any rational explanation. I could deal with mum on her own, she needs lots of reassurance and listening to but my Dad interrogates me and soon he will probably start accusing me. It's heartbreaking and incredibly stressful.

Sorry you are going through this, OP.

Advice I was given when helping care for a relative was "don't correct- connect"- in other words, try not to focus on whether what they are saying is right or sensible and instead try to identify the emotions underneath and respond to those. Things like doors being locked or who is in the house can be anxiety about safety. Wanting to go to work can indicate a feeling of needing to be responsible- having tasks to do etc and anxiety about them not getting done. If you can try to react to the emotion rather than directly to the question, it can sometimes help eg reassurance that everyone is where they should be and safe, that all the jobs have been done and nothing has been left outstanding etc, and that can then give a (slightly) longer-lasting feeling of calm.

As others have said, all sufferers are different and what works with one person might not work with another so I don't know whether this is any help at all, but I found it useful so thought I would pass it on.