She can't remember me visiting...

[Dementiadaughter]

Sorry couldn't think how to word the title!

My lovely mum who has early onset dementia/Alzheimer's is now at the stage she can't remember me visiting, I see her once or twice a week. So she's upset because "I haven't seen you in ages" but she saw me 2 days ago but can't remember that.

Any advice?

You sound really upset about what is happening to you mum - which is completely understandable.

My mum is further along with dementia and she is now the opposite of this. Whenever I arrive it's like I've just been in another room just appeared. She lives completely in the present moment.

It's a really difficult experience to lose your parent whilst they are still here. I hope you have people in real life you can talk to

Thanks all, I've found "I'm here now" with a cuddle and moving swiftly on has worked well ❤️

I'm so glad you've found something that helps to placate your DM

Bumping this as it's still really rubbish. It's not going to get any better and that's slowly hitting me.

I want my mum back. The person in front of me looks like my mum, and sounds like my mum, but isn't my mum.

I'm sorry to hear that. It is a really horrid realisation that this isn't going to get better.

I always think it's double the grief. You lose them long before they die

So sorry op. It is like double bereavement, which you can’t share. 🌺.
The book “ contented dementia” is often recommended here. Please look after yourself and seek support- you are grieving.

It is so very awful, this disease. I am so sorry, it hurts so much, doesn't it, have a hug.

The double grief of losing them, then losing them, unspeakably painful.

Do lean on us, we can listen, hold your hand.

It is so hard. I used to visit my aunt in her lovely care home 3 or 4 times a week. She never remembered my visits but I know she was happy when I was there.

As others have suggested, I took books or magazines which I know would have interested her and looked through them together. I would also take my knitting and talk to her about that. Photo albums are good. Don't have any expectations that she will remember anyone, but you can point things out. "That was Emily and John's wedding. Isn't Emily's dress beautiful? It was such a sunny day. That little baby there is now at school."

Not strictly dementia but my DH went through kidney failure twice. The first time, his useless doctors missed what was happening. I went to see him in hospital. He was incapable of speech but the look of joy on his face when I arrived unexpectedly was magic - like the old days when we were first in love.

So if your mum knows you at all, relish it.

It’s horrible. Dementia is like death by a thousand cuts. I have never known anything like it. And no one gets it unless they’ve gone through it. Protect yourself and try to keep doing things you enjoy outside of the dementia bubble. I’m really sorry about your mum.

I hope your mom is better now @Dementiadaughter . She did recognize you right? so that's a good thing. Dont worry about her not remembering your last visit. Try to make calm her by explaining what you have discussed on your last visit so that she will be aware. Anyway keep her happy. Thanks :)