I pray every night for the end

[Nanatokidsdogshampsters]

Mum went into a care home last may as she was unable to live on her own anymore.
The few months before she had blown up the oven by leaving the gas on.
Burns on her face. Fell down the stairs a couple of times in the night. etc
The home she is in is lovely and clean, staff are caring and kind.
Food is fantastic especially the cakes (mum always had a sweet tooth)
Large room with own toilet.
Now from being a lovely lady she now snaps at everyone. Won't have a bath or shower if she can get away with it. Wears as many clothes as she can won't take her coat off ever. Carrys a handbag but if you touch it she starts screaming.
Falls asleep as soon as she sits down, wanders around most of the night.
Only sleeps in bed for 3-4 hours.
Can't remember who her children are never mind grandchildren/great grandchildren.
Can't even remember being married.
The home and ourselves try put things in place to help her and she either throws them away or somehow breaks them.
We know she is in the right place but it gets harder and harder each visit.
One of us goes every day.
But and it's a big but she remembers my husband and her sister.
Horrid horrid illness.
At 87 health wise is fit just her mind is gone.
How long will it go on for.

This sounds just the same as my grandma.. it went on for 9 years in the care home :(
You don't need someone to visit every day, all close relatives need to take care of themselves and rest because this terrible situation is so draining and honestly depressing.
Encourage any medication that keeps her placid and relaxed because when the person is stressed and agitated its bad for her and everyone.
Bring snacks when you visit or a juice box or an interesting object or book as it's something to interact

Today happens to be the 2nd 'anniversary' of my mother's death from Covid. She had very advanced dementia, was nothing but a living 'shell'. She couldn't speak, didn't recognize anyone, had no idea who or where she was. She spent her days staring off into space with a puzzled look, it was heartbreaking. Her death was a blessing to us, and I'm sure to her too.

Each person's 'journey is different, I can only tell you my mum's. She moved into care in 2013 when she could no longer live alone, but was still mobile and knew who we were. She thought her lovely room was a 'hotel' and was disoriented to 'place and time'. She also had some delusions regarding 'people coming in' and suspicions about us (her family) 'stealing' or 'doing terrible crimes'. But she still loved going for drives and could come over for dinner. She gradually declined and around 2018 she started to no longer recognize us as 'belonging to her'. Before then might mix us up with her deceased parents, siblings, or each other but she knew we were 'hers' in some way. We could no longer take her 'out' as she'd get fearful, upset, and 'want to go home'. By about mid-2019 she was in the semi-vegetative state and remained that way until her death.

One of the most valuable pieces of advice we were given in 'the early days' was for us to 'enter her world' and not try to get her to live in ours. So if she called me by her sister's name, I didn't correct her and would answer her questions 'as her sister'. If she said that my dad (died in 1999) was in 'the garage again' (he loved to 'fix things') I just agreed. If she said that 'so and so' committed murder or stole her money, we'd just tut tut tut and change the subject. To try to 'bring her to reality simply caused her to be agitated, and what was the point of that.

@Daleksatemyshed I too know exactly what you mean. I did the care too for my DM, along with carers. I felt relief when the end came too.

I am at the beginning of this - my husband was diagnosed in October along with Parkinsons and already it has started to become a bit of a nightmare. Times when he thinks I am the cleaner or someone who has come to make his dinner and now I am frightened to leave him unless he is asleep and I am only going to the local shop. He has been his previous self when I left and total confused 15 minutes later when I arrived home.
No family to help as they live at the other end of the country so can't see an end to this for years, a neighbour has looked after her husband for almost 10 years and I know I couldn't do this but not much help available from our local council.
I lay in bed,sometimes for a couple of hours, wondering where the hell this is all going.

I was asked for my dad as I am his only NOK and have health and welfare POA.

I said no covid booster and no flu vaccine. It’s actually what he wanted before he went into a home. He was pushed into the covid vaccine by GP, he didn’t want one. He knew he wasn’t himself and wanted a quick way out - he had hoped he would get covid and die.

Anyway, I said no and christ, you would have thought i’d told the nurse who called that i’d drowned her puppy. She and the GP phoned me relentlessly saying I had to to protect him and others.

I was already having a breakdown over his situation so gave in to them.

They told me it was important to keep him healthy, if he got flu it could kill him. They wouldn’t stop.

How long do they want him to live? He’s in a living hell.

Visit when you feel able to...its an awful illness....my late aunt spent 15 years in a care home with dementia, the last 3 years she was bed bound and would only recite the keys from a keyboard, she used to be a PA to the owner of a shipping company and travelled the world.....it was very depressing to see her in this state.

my mum is in a terrible way with mixed dementia she was diagnosed 18 months ago gave in and put her in a home in November and since xmas she has been bed bound unable to speak or understand doesnt know who we are cant turn over doubly incontinent eats about three or four mouthfuls a day but apparently is not yet end of life just end stage dementia which apparently is different sleeps most of the day
Awful disease dont go every day it's too much just want this all to be over dor her. My poor poor mum

I think this generation are lost to this. The next generation (us) might want to think about advance directives saying 'no vaccines' if we get to such a terrible state. I honestly think its immoral to try to extend life as long as possible when a person is in such a distressed state with no hope of improvement ever.

This was a discussion that my mother's care home had with the families of each resident. Covid vaccines were made mandatory by the facility, not to 'keep the patient alive', but to prevent the widespread infection of other residents and staff and possible transmission to the wider community. Although we would have preferred to 'leave it up to fate' we understood that they had a larger responsibility to every resident, not just to our mum and our wishes. In the wise words of Mr Spock; "Logic dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few".

The local health department rolled out a vaccine program for care homes, but due to a bureaucratic snafu the program missed my mother's care home. Before it could be rescheduled Mum contracted Covid and died. As I said in my post above, we considered it a blessing.

God forbid we ever give a fuck about unpaid carers

Sorry ignore post above. Meant to post a a new thread

Iwantabloodypizza

I too questioned the flu vaccine and covid jab. Exactly like you: losing my mind and walking towards a nervous breakdown that nobody seemed to care about, and the care home gave me so much shit about questioning those vaccines. They seem so happy to judge and yet so unwilling to listen.