Guilt at placing mum in a home

[Orangebadger]

My mum has vascular dementia. She's had it for 12 years but it's been very stable with minimal progression to the point where other problems were more of an issue than her dementia, such as mobility decline etc. anyway she has lived with my family for the last 8 years. It's been fine. The last 2 she's had a carer morning and bedtime as that was becoming more challenging for her with her mobility more than anything else. However she had a few falls a couple of months ago which resulted in a 3 week stay in hospital, since her discharge she has been a lot more confused, quite combative and aggressive towards carers. She came home with carers 4 x a day. She was becoming a lot more agitated at night and waking and calling for me. Each time the carers came I was called to encourage her to let them help her, quite honestly it was a nightmare! I can't even write half of the issues as my brain is still boggling from it all. Anyway after another fall, well a few falls, she's back in hospital and this time after discussion with medics and therapists it's been decided that she needs placement in a nursing home. I completely agree, she is just not safe at home and needs care 24/7. But I feel riddled with guilt about it even though I know it's the best option for mum, I know she will hate it.

Not really sure why I am posting this! I am just looking for others who maybe understand. I am relatively young to be dealing with this, in my 40's. Mum had me late in life and I too had my kids later, so have young children too. Most of my friends are not at this stage in their lives yet. I am also an only child, so no siblings to share/ vent to, not that those with siblings have that guaranteed! I do however have a wonderful DH who has been incredibly supportive and wonderful with mum.

Yes I can totally understand that relief. It's like the weight of the world lifting off your shoulders. I anticipate that, but then feel guilty for it! Mums still in hospital, all very slow due to all the bank holidays. She's not eating much, less aggressive but very grumpy! I'll take grumpy over aggressive though. But I had to really persuade them to get her out of bed to sit up in a chair. She won't see a physio until Tuesday at the earliest, she really cannot stay in bed that long! She's not acutely unwell so needs to get up! they agreed in the end. She sat up with a magazine and ate some food and a hot chocolate I bought her. When she was in the bed she was all curled up, her legs very bent, she struggled to straighten them. She eats more when I go to see her. Problem is it's going to be harder to get to see her soon once the kids are back at school and my in laws have left, currently I have child care while DH works which has been a huge help! I just hope she's not in hospital for too long, I really am not sure she'll last tbh. But something tells me this step down bed is not going to be quick.