Expectations of care in a dementia care home

[wormthatturned]

I'm looking for advice from anyone with experience working or having a relative in residential care, please.
Dad has just been transferred to a care home after a short hospital stay. Previously cared for by my mum at home. He's got quite severe dementia with very limited communication ability and needs help with almost everything. He was very physically able until his hospital stay, now stumbling a bit but mobile.
I visited him in the home for the first time and was a bit shocked to find him dressed in a thin jumper (no vest or shirt), that the staff seemed to expect me to call them if he needed help with the toilet, presented him with a written menu to choose lunch (not a chance!!), didn't check on him in the 6 hours I was there. I knew it wouldn't be the same as his care at home but is this normal?
Now I'm worrying that if a family member isn't there, he's not going to be cared for.

We found reading reviews of other relatives quite revealing, in our case they were reassuring.

Might be worth looking as some of those?

In my dad's care home they showered and shaved him daily and dressed him in a fresh polo shirt, jumper and trousers. All the carers who'd come to attend to him in his own home had never persuaded him to accept help with washing and dressing, but his lovely care home staff did. This is what you want. It's hopefully a one off but I would be going back soon to check.

Update - Sunday was worse than Saturday. Found stumbling around in soiled clothes. Staff are struggling as he's so resistant.
Anyway, spoke to manager and he had a visit from a doctor and now has some new medication.
I hope it works because I'm very unhappy at the idea that he doesn't get care because it's so difficult - that's why he had to go there, otherwise we would have carried on at home.

Have they told you what medication he's on @wormthatturned?

@SleafordSods, he's first going to have something to sedate him at night which might mean he's not so exhausted all day, he's being reviewed at the end of the week and if necessary he'll be given stronger stuff

This sounds incredibly difficult for both you and him. I'm so sorry this has been your experience. We have limited experience but I think my Mum is at a similar stage to your Dad. Very little ability to communicate but pretty mobile. She has been in a dementia nursing home since late Aug.

Every time we have visited she has been clean and dressed, nails trimmed, offered drinks and regular food or snacks. All the staff have seemed very kind and warm. My mum was never the easiest person, but since her medication has been changed she is very compliant . This is just to reassure you that your expectations are not too high. He deserves good care and I hope you find it soon.

It can be extremely difficult to get a new resident to the point where they are accepting personal care. Please be assured that we did always find a way, sometimes through medication, sometimes we would find that a resident trusted a particular carer (often someone who reminded them of an old friend etc) and would be happy for that Carer to shower them whenever they were on shift. Some residents just became more trusting of the staff in general & allowed us to help.

The first couple of weeks were almost always the hardest. The staff will "learn" your dad too. Maybe pick up on a pattern that helps e.g. invite him to shower & change after a meal or after activities when he may be calmer. There is always a way.

Thank you all
Dad was sent to hospital after we finally insisted there was something wrong, found to have a fractured hip, had an operation and died about 2 weeks later - he never recovered despite great hospital care.
Social Services review of care in home = neglect
My advice, in retrospect, keep asking!
Personally, Dad's future wasn't rosy so I'm taking comfort from the fact that his life ended abruptly.

I’m sorry, op.

@HunkyPunk
Thanks