Mum disappeared - how can we find her?

[person4]

My mum has moderately severe Alzheimer's and my Dad cares for her. They live in the centre of Paris (my mum is French).

She went out this morning and hasn't come back. Apparently she was very insistent, and Dad thought she would go out for a few minutes then come back - but she didn't. She could have gone in any direction - she wandered off once before and got quite a long way before someone realised she needed help and called the Police.

Dad called the police an hour after she went off, and they've got a photo. But they haven't found her yet. He's gone to the shops they often go to, and nearby streets, but no luck. He's also called the hospital (they have a central register) and no-one giving her name (maiden or married) has been checked in, and no-one unable to give a name of the right age.

I'm so worried for her. She can't find her way places any more, and even if she realises that she's lost she doesn't have the reasoning to find someone and tell them.

So I guess a couple of questions:

1. If you have a parent/loved one who has wandered off like this, how long did it take for them to be found and where were they?

1. What is the best thing for me to do? I think I should go over to Paris tomorrow if she hasn't been found (I live in London) and look for her - but how do I do that? Go through the streets one by one ? Are there specific places it would be better to focus on?

I just don't know how best to do this, and I'm aware that as time ticks by she could be getting further away.

She's so vulnerable. I think she must be sleeping on the street somewhere. She didn't have any food or drink with her, and no money to buy anything. I'm so scared for her.

My df was in somebody's garden because he thought it was his house, the door was the same colour so maybe that was it. I hope she turns up soon.

Ah, sorry just seen shed been found. I'm pleased for you all op.

I can't work out how she was able to wander off at will bearing in mind her condition.
A learning curve I guess.

So glad she has been found.

That's such a relief OP.

You can get GPS trackers for people to wear, I think some even look like jewellery. Maybe your mum. Would consent to wear one?

Good news.

So glad she’s been found.

Monty - I don’t think your response is hugely helpful. The OP has already said they’re going to review following this incident.

My grandma with dementia left home and it was very frightening. She was found at a bus stop (she’d already caught one bus - the bus driver let her on even though she had no money / bag with her and it must have been obvious she was confused).

So glad she has been found safe and well. Would it be worth while investing in a gps tracker which are designed for people with dementia? There is ones that go into the shoe,belt,handbag etc. Presuming she doesn’t carry a smart phone? Has she a carer that could
Ensure that her tracker was always charged and on her?

I'm really glad to hear she's been found.

A friend of mine who sadly has severe dementia now wears a tracker, which has been a godsend for the family and allowed him to keep his freedom yet remain fairly free (he loves cycling). It's very hard to know what to do for the best, and such a worry.

What a relief for you, I’m glad she’s home safe 🌷

I don’t think your Dad made a sensible decision, he should have trailed her, BUT it’s very, very bloody difficult when you’re in the middle of it daily, to know or accept when the person you love is at the stage where they’re just not ‘with it’ enough any more to be safe on their own, especially if they’re still sometimes ‘fine’.

It depends what your Dad wants to do really. If he wants her to be at home he has to accept he HAS to look after her the way you would look after a very young child. No letting her go out alone, no leaving her home alone, have locks on all the doors and keep the keys on him. Being in/around the kitchen when she’s in it etc. It’s physically hard work because you can’t really relax and are constantly monitoring them & emotionally very very difficult.

His only other option is to find a care home, sadly though, that change is most likely to make her Alt. worse due to the changes & upsetting for her when she is ‘with it’.

Heartbreaking for all of you.

I'm so glad she has been found.

Monty, it's very common for dementia sufferers to wander. This is not unusual at all.

In my dad's case, the only way to keep him safe was for him to go into a nursing home. I know the idea of it is upsetting, but he's doing really well. The carers are brilliant and he has a little group of friends to go on his adventures with (safely within the confines of the home of course). He's no more confused there than he was at home, and it has taken the stress and worry off our shoulders. It's worth looking into.

So pleased to read the update

@Monty27 it’s not all that straightforward. People with dementia can be very resourceful sneaky and could rival Houdini for their abilities to escape.

OP - so glad to hear she’s safe and good luck with your decisions.

@monty. No need to be judgemental. I used to work in a facility for people with dementia and yes it does happen even in a secured unit with keypads and staff!!

So glad to hear mums been found safe and well. And wish I had her energy to walk all those miles! Happy news all round OP 😌

Sorry everyone. More than insensitive.
My eldest sister has been in a nursing home for years. It hit a nerve.
She's only in her 60s. It's so sad.

Do you know where she might have been trying to go to, and did she get there? If not, she may well keep trying until she succeeds - and again when she forgets that she has been there or wants to go again.

Your Dad might need to think about getting more support - keeping her safe will become too much for one person to manage.