Can I please have a small moan (everyone's welcome to join me!)

[user1465335180]

My partner and I live with my 90 year old Mother who has mixed dementia. We had to move in as I'd previously visited 4 days a week but found I had cancer and wouldn't have been able to do this until my treatment finished. I was very lucky and I have the all clear now. My DP is very good and helps a LOT but it's still hard living with Mum and working full time.

We have carers 3 times a day who do her personal care and give her her meals but this seems to have given Mum delusions of grandeur- she spends a lot of time telling us what needs doing in the house and garden- shopping, washing, cleaning, mowing the lawn and hates the word NO.

Is it unreasonable that I get fed up?

That's okay user146etc, will also point out the importance of Power of Attorney in Health and Welfare though if your relative has dementia to the extent of having lost mental capacity that ship has sailed. But you say she bosses people around, so maybe not.

Google Power of Attorney with Mumsnet as I can't be fagged to type it out again, but basically without it SS can actually enforce your relative's move to a care home and there is naff all you can do about it. That's the law. And they can do that if they want your money/house etc. And you won't even be allowed to look at her medical notes on her behalf. True.

It's OK Newspaper I managed to get LPA for finance and health and welfare just before Mum's dementia got too bad. It's clear that the SS have a lot more power than I'd ever appreciated and I'll be making sure I get legal documents in place for myself to spare my DP all this hassle later in life.
It seems that you've had some bad experiences yourself with the SS and I hope you're OK. I will keep all your good advice in mind and if there's anything else I've missed please feel free to share

@user1465335180 - I have so much respect for what you are doing. I spend a lot of time in residential and nursing homes and as much of a good job as many of them do, I personally would only ever want to be living with my family. I realise this isn't always possible and not for everyone, - so before anyone gets defensive, I completely get it isn't possible in some situations, but I still take my hat off to you.

Thank you

It's been a long time since I posted here but I just wanted to say that Mum passed away a few months ago, a bowel problem got the better of her but by then the dementia had got really bad and her passing was a great sadness and a blessing all at the same time. Mum didn't have a clue what was happening or what day of the week it was but she knew me to the end and passed away peacefully for which I'm deeply grateful.
For all of you whom are still struggling with this vile disease, you have my deepest sympathies and I wish you al the luck in the world

user

Thnk you Mere