My dad has forgotten me

[HesterShaw]

:(

I knew it was coming but I can't believe he has deteriorated so fast.
Imagine almost the worst case of dementia you can - that's him. He can't recognise me, can't stand up unaided, can't remember how to put one foot in front of the other, can't cut up his food, forgets where is mouth is so has to be fed, can't work out how to drink his cup of tea, is having trouble swallowing, can't work out how to get into the car seat so he can be taken somewhere, can't say anything resembling words, has double incontinence....everything.

Three years ago, we were having long conversations on the phone, going on long walks, fishing for mackerel on the boat, playing with his grandson on the beach and flying the kite, still driving himself round, singing in his choir, playing his guitar. I was always a daddy's girl. He's only 71.

I won't ask why as there are no reasons. But all I want is for him to die a quick and painless death. How can he go on like this? What makes his eyes open in the morning? He is just a broken down body and mind.

Just like you don't have to consent to any treatment, if you have PoA for health, you can decline treatment for that person - but you do need to talk very specifically about it with the healthcare team.

My grandfather recently passed away. He had severe vascular dementia and could no longer remember who we were but still had a lovely smile. He was placed on the Liverpool pathway (it has another name now but can't remember it) I was really worried about this, and concerned that he would suffer but a lovely nurse explained it to me and he had a really peaceful and comfortable last few days and death. If this looks like an option for your loved ones please ask someone medical to discuss it with you. My understanding is that it's only used when death is imminent, and that it supports the body on it's natural shutting down process

Well I just spoke to mother and it seems he has rallied. As they do. Sitting up in bed watching the ward go by, talking nonsense, trying to rip his drip out, the usual kind of thing.... :)

I know there'll be several more of these episodes, maybe many, before the end.

Thank you for your support ladies

Sorry to hear about your grandad sweetpeas. It sounds like a peaceful and painless death, given the circumstances x

Just wanted to say me too, but my mum, similar stage (frontal lobe dementia though) I also have a 6 and 8 year old. It's not fair.

They've pumped her full of antibiotics twice in the last year too.

Hester, you have my sympathies.

My Gran is in the earlier stages, starting to forget our names, but still able to live at home.

If I'm honest, I just hope she dies quickly in her sleep before it gets too much further; she is in her 80s and has had all of the good life she is going to get. It's bloody cruel.