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Original poster

i need a male perspective.

39 replies

cba · 18/09/2007 09:50

ok guys, dh and i have three children, two boys 6 and 4 and dd who is two. I have just found out i am pregnant, massive shock.

kids will be 7,5,3 when baby born

dh is not sure he wants the baby. his reasons are that it will affect family life too much and our relationship, i.e. sex.

he also said that it would be too much for my body. i said i would get a mothers help to come in a couple of times on a morning and at tea time.

i also said i would make sure we had a sitter once a fortnight to go out. he goes on as though we never go out, ok not every week but at least once a month.

and as for the sex, yes we are not rampant, at it all the time but who the fuck is with three kids.

also add that dh works alot and away and i have brought the three children up practically single handed. the day after i came out of hospital with dd he had to go away on business for three weeks. i got up the next day and still did the nursery run and got on with it.

please share your thoughts as a man

OP posts:
Original poster
cba · 18/09/2007 13:10

hurly, just thought that by asking a male perspective they could enlighten me to something that i maybe missing when i speak to dh and he says it is my decision and if it affects the family it is my fault.

obviously it is not a male thing, it is him being a twat and asshole. and wriggling out of a major life changing decision.

OP posts:
DaDaDa · 18/09/2007 13:10

Cba and Paddling; To me it's abdication of responsibility on your husbands' part.

Contraception should be a joint responsibilty. I can understand them not being overjoyed if they're not happy to have more children, but if that's the case they should have had a vasectomy.

They have to deal with the here and now, and if you're happy to go ahead with the pregnancy they should support you in that, rather than using it as a stick to beat you with.

Original poster
cba · 18/09/2007 13:12

paddling, you have hit the nail on the head, he will just follow the decision i make. but just wouldnt it nice, for him to say "do you know what love we are going to get through this together lets sit and talk it through properly".

god, he pisses me off sometimes, but i do love him as well.

OP posts:
paddlinglikemad · 18/09/2007 13:15

CBA I know how you feel I always thought I had a strong man by my side, but his weak attitude and dismissal of the whole thing just shows him to be weak ...I can't win if I have a termination and suffer emotionally from it it will be ignored, if I have the baby I will feel like I will just have to get on with it as 'it was my decision'...

Original poster
cba · 18/09/2007 13:16

could you cope with it being your decision. do you have family to help?

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OrmIrian · 18/09/2007 13:17

"he dosent want it to affect us as a couple, so it is entirely up to me. and, if i keep the baby he dosent want any excuses for things that we cant do as a family"

Outrageous! Does he know where babies come from? It simply cannot be up to you alone.

paddlinglikemad · 18/09/2007 13:20

no no family really to help they all thought we were mad to have no.3 and that was planned!!

My main concern is that I am so stretched as it is with trying to spread spending time with the 3, that 4 would just break me (mentally & physically)

will catch up later must go to M&T (oh joy!)
thank god for MN, no RL friends that I could talk to about this

Original poster
cba · 18/09/2007 13:21

enjoy m&t paddling, personally i find them a real chore. post later let me know how you are

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BigGitDad · 18/09/2007 13:24

Ex Pat has hit the nail on the head. He must also face up to his responsibilty as well.
If it was me I'd welcome the little child and love it as much as the others you have regardless. It is your child.

aDad · 18/09/2007 13:27

HIBU !

Original poster
cba · 18/09/2007 13:28

bgd, that is lovely, i know if we have it dh will be just a soft and loving with it as he is with our three now, believe me he is.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/09/2007 14:04

The ol', yes, he's totally lovely. When he's not being a twat, that is.

C'mon.

A good father is first and foremost a good partner to the mother of his children, even if they are no longer a couple.

EricL · 18/09/2007 18:14

I agree Expat - the relationship you have with your partner is different as it is conditional and it doesn't look like he is thinking about it that way at all. He has a responsibility to be your chosen partner and you his - doesn't look like he is putting much effort into this at all.

Original poster
cba · 20/09/2007 21:20

paddling, how are you?

i will be thinking of you tomorrow. let me know how you get on.

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