Frustration being a dad on school run

[Chrizh]

Hey there, new here! I wanted to find somewhere I could get something off my chest and I guess see if my experience is mirrored by others. I'll keep it short and to the point. You'll have to bear with me as it's not directly parenting related.

My wife does the pick up and drop off most of the time but several times a week I'll do one or the other myself. There are a number of other parents that me and my wife have become friends with over the last few years. We've all attended birthday parties and get togethers outside of school in the past. One or two I suppose we've become good friends with either through our children or because one or both of us gets on well with them. In these group environments things are fine.

But something strange happens out of that group setting and I'm really starting to worry if it's me or I'm just looking in to it too much.

Basically, on the days I'll do the drop off or pick up, it's as if I've put on an invisibility cloak. What I mean is I'll be friendly to other mums (rarely dad's) and say hello but sometimes that'll go unacknowledged. Now that could be deliberate or unintentional, I don't know for sure but it happens a lot and it's frustrating!

I don't really understand it as mum's will happily chat to each other but it just seems too awkward or uncomfortable maybe to include a dad in conversation.

I might be overreacting to this as I have been diagnosed with social anxiety recently which I've suspected I've had for majority of my life and I've worked hard on improving that in recent months and come along strides. This experience though makes me question that improvement.

Do any other dad's experience the same? Like you're almost ignored by others on school run? And if it's not just me, then what about you mum's then!? Is there a reason for this? Is it just more awkward interacting with us dad's?

Thanks for reading.

I have a male friend who works reduced hours to fit the school run, he has said the same thing as you op. Similar with playdates so I think this can be a thing at some schools. I just carry on as normal and we'll often meet for a coffee the same way I do with my female freinds.

At the other school that I go to (we have infant and junior schools) the Dad's seem pretty included.

School pick up time is not a proper social occasion because most people are there for a single purpose and want to get in and out as quickly as possible usually. If there is someone you already know to chat to all well and good .But if not you wait alone .If you are talking with someone and then another person joins in conversation for any reason you might speak to the new person next time. Building your circle is slow progress .
In my experience anyone trying to hasten the process makes others wary of their motives. Even a woman with several children in tow. Its they way it is . Just bide your time and make conversation with those you already know. A quick 'morning ' and pass on . If no reply they either didnt hear you or you are trying too hard. Just speak to those you know and get on with your day.

That's funny because I remember, when ds was younger, dads would act really awkward about talking to me (I'm a woman), and would sometimes blank me completely if not with their wives!
I'm friendly to everyone (as in I will say a cheery hello to anyone I see regularly, or if I'm standing in the playground or whatever I might make a friendly comment).
Having said that there are 3 school dads I am friendly with now, who did the main caring all the way through our kids primary.
I have also been blanked many times by other mums over the years. Some people just don't want to interact, and some people have no social skills, and some people are uncomfortable with thd opposite sex. Its almost certainly not personal.

People generally aren't great at socialising. I think they don't have great experience at it and lack common manners to include and introduce. It happens everywhere, not just your school gates. It makes people desperately uncomfortable to come out of their egg shell and say hello. It's totally bizarre and nothing on you. Also, these people are in their own worlds thinking about what chicken nuggets to feed them............ Also lots of parents are distracted, or hungover or on anti depressants as a result of parenting....

I would say smile to people, they should smile back... some won't like those people you say hello to in the corridor at work who don't reply back. An easy question to ask is 'how's your day been' which will get them talking. Keep going.

I know this thread is old but thought I'd revive it. I am like some posters on here and I'm worried to talk too much back to school dad's incase they get the wrong idea/or other people do. I prefer to talk to women as just have always had women as friends and not so much men (although men are very easy to talk to). I don't mind talking to a couple when they're together but feel abit weird talking to a dad on his own.
I had an experience a couple of week ago where a dad I hadn't met before was very upbeat, and chatty and his wife who I'd briefly talked to before was stood quiet and miserable on mobile phone. I found this situation quite uncomfortable as they barely said a word to each other and the dad was talking away to me.

How does everybody else feel about these kind of situations?

Or it may just be me! 🤭

Football too ,I really hated that with a passion.My wife just sat in the car I just thought the nightmare would never end until he said one beautiful day,'Dad I don't want to play football anymore'.I've stood outside school for three kids,Mum working all hours, same routine ,sit in car ,gates open ,grab kid ,back to car.Picking up grandkid is such a relief compared,but my social anxiety still kicks in even when my wife is there.

I've been doing the school runs since they were born. So 10 plus years. It's a mixed bag of chats, joining what's app groups, being asked out to being ignored. Even had one parent calling for me on her way past when the children were young. I put a stop to that when she started complaining about her husband.
The older child is now at senior school, driving up, dropping off, and going, much easier. The youngest has one yr to go at primary then I'm done with playground politics.

Good advice ☺️👍