Have you accidentally left your child somewhere??

[Rubyred24]

I don't mean resulting in death / arrests / Social services. Mental Health Issues / PND.

How common is this?

I'm watching a documentary now where it says on average 37 children die from being left in a car.

I know this topic is sensitive and I apologise if this upsets you.

The father in this case was found guilty of leaving the son on purpose.

Have you yourself or known anyone to do this? Is it that common?

I myself suffer with multiple MH issues and so I hardly took my children out when they were babies so I cannot comment.

@Invisimamma

I didn't forget him but I used to leave ds outside the nursery door (but inside school playground) in his pram asleep when he was a baby, whilst I popped into collect older ds. I didn't think anything of it at the time but now I think what the hell was I thinking!?! He's 5 now, so it wasn't even that long ago. I feel sick when I think about it.

Once on way home from work I went straight home, opened door, took shoes shoes off, kettle on, sat down etc, then remembered I still needed to collect ds1 from nursery! I had just returned from mat leave and genuinely forgot I had a child for a moment.

What was wrong with leaving him outside the door?

I’m sure I read a lot of the cases have happened when the routine is changed- eg. Dad is supposed to be dropping baby off at nursery when he doesn’t normally. Straps baby into car seat but when he gets driving his brain goes into an ‘autopilot’ mode and he automatically just drives his normal route to work like any other day, forgetting the baby is in the back. Apparently it’s something the brain does and in many cases it really is genuinely forgetting/not realising.

I’ve never done it but when working on check out in a supermarket when I was 16 a lady left her pram at the end of my till. Was a good 30 minutes before she came back. Turned out she had got home before she realised. Got home and told my mum and I remember telling her how bad the woman was and how do you forget a baby etc and my mum tells me she’s left all 4 of us at some points when we were babies

I looked after my niece when she was a month or so old so my DS could get her hair done. A few hours later my DS texts to ask what I was doing and I said “just feeding DN” I then get a frantic call to say she had completely forgotten about her and driven the 40 miles back home

No thank God, but I did lose one in a supermarket (Tesco). She was about 2. Never forget that appalling realisation that you can't find them. Little thing had decided to get butter as I had been rhyming off to her what we needed on the way there (not thinking she was comprehending any of it). When I found her, with a lovely kind lady, she was unperturbed and presented me with butter lol 'We need butter Mammy'. How a tot could even know where the butter aisle was, she must have a good memory. The lady who found her wandering wasn't too impressed with me and gave me a very judgy look Yikes!

I think I know the case you're referring to OP. I think he was convicted due to his internet history (he googled how long will it take for a dog to die in a hot car ). Also he was seeing other women and had messaged them something about how much easier it would be to leave his wife if he didn't have his son.
An American woman who worked in a school didn't usually do the day care routine but her husband had a dentist appointment so she was meant to drop her toddler daughter off but drove straight to school and left her daughter in the car for 7 hours. Sadly she died too.
I cannot imagine ever doing it but it does happen sadly and genuinely by accident in most cases. I can't begin to imagine how you would cope with something like that.

My Mum left me in my pram outside a shop in 1978 when I was newborn and walked halfway home before she remembered she had left me!

I took dd into a card shop. Parked pram in widest aisle, selected card and paid and was walking up the street when I felt something was missing. At that point I remembered I had a baby and ran back to shop, the staff found it most amusing.

That's chilling if somebody did do that on purpose. It would be such a horrible death it doesn't bear thinking about :(

Yes the routines thing is very familiar to me as I have ADHD as well. Being thrown off course thanks to a distraction happens to me very often.

Italy has now made it law that all car seats need to have some kind of system to warn parents if they have accidentally left their child, which means most European car seat manufacturers now offer the option for a bit extra. Off the top of my head, Cybex have their SensorSafe system which connects to the bluetooth on your phone and alerts you if you go too far away from a strapped-in child, and Joie have one which is a pressure pad they sit on. Some of them you can order as a separate add on if you've already got a car seat.

No but I left my pushchair outside a pub and drove off.

When it dawned on me two days later, I went back and found someone had kindly pushed it against the wall under the thatch and put the brake on

Not actually left her anywhere but when she was about 5 months I was minding a litter of puppies and one of the new owners was visiting. She took DD while I helped her kids hold the puppies.

About 10 minutes later I remembered I had a baby and started looking around to see where I'd put her! The lady was like 'I've got her!'

I've also got 5 mins up the road to work with DD in the back of the car instead of going in the opposite direction to drop her at nursery.

OK have now looked up the devices in case anyone is interested. It's a bit difficult to find them here as they aren't marketed to the UK but mainly in Italy.

Cybex do SensorSafe which is built into their seats and can't be added as an extra. You have to opt for it when you buy the seat.

Axkid make a pad called Axkid Connect which can be used in Axkid seats.

BeSafe do an "Anti abandon device" which is designed for use with Besafe seats.

Maxi Cosi have the e-Safety Smart Cushion for their own seats.

Joie recommend the use of "Tippy" which is a universal/third party one, they've tested it with their seats.

Can find no mention of any other product on any website.

No but I was raised in Australia so I am hyper aware around my children. Not much went on (especially in the city where I grew up) so it was frequent to see reports in the news of children roasting to death in hot cars/drowning in swimming pools (it wasn’t until I was a bit older that it was mandatory to fence off domestic pools)/sids it was also an occasional occurrence to find a venomous spider in the house as well. I basically didn’t sleep for a year when my first child was born because I was obsessed with constantly monitoring him.

@Frlrlrubert I used to do that a lot, I would look around and not be able to see DS and start worrying (usually realised eventually that I was holding him )

I think when you're sleep deprived all sorts of things can happen.

I remember when my twins were newborns, DH and I would sit in bed in the early hours feeding one each and quite often one of us would wake up a couple of hours later with a fright, looking under the duvet for the baby ….. forgetting that we had put them back in their cots.

It scared me so much that we ended up not feeding them in bed in case that happened.

Left newborn dc1 outside a shop in her pram and walked home without her. To be fair I wasnt used to having a baby and a pram and was completely sleep deprived. I did go back and get her!

@BigSandyBalls2015 I did that too.

Frantic searching for baby under the pillows and duvet, that was merrily snoozing in his cot.

What didn't help was the baby sized teddy that DH had at the time!! It had to be moved !

I’ve forgotten to drop my 2 youngest at nursery and carried on driving to work. It was only when the youngest asked if I was going to drop them off that I remembered and had to turn around.

If it was just the little one and he had been asleep I can completely see a scenario that day where I would have pulled up at work and got out.

When my child was about 8, we were all out Christmas shopping with my younger child as well.
As we had a fair few shopping bags husband decided to take bags back to car and 8 year old wanted to go. We agreed to meet at a outside a different shop.
We split I one way with youngest he the other with older child............my older child decided not to go with. Dad and turned around to come back to me ...unknown to her younger one decided she needed the toilet so I had disappeared into the toilet. Older one in the rush couldn’t fine me or husband :(

20 mins later my husband walks up to me and says where’s older daughter ...with you I say ...nooo she wanted to go with you - my husband is not small and doesn’t run - but he ran that day back to the first shop - thankfully older daughter fairly sensible and hadn’t left the shop to try to find us and seek help.
I couldn’t believe my husband had just left her without ensuring she has found me - he still very guilty about it 10 years later!!

My dad left my DS in the car once. He had come to collect me from a train station, he had parked up and gone in for a coffee and cake running back out because he had forgotten he had my DS in the car. My DS was fast asleep which is why he forgot about him!

I left my dog outside a shop once when I had a newborn... in some ways that’s almost a worse memory lapse as I’d had the dog years, lol and had walked right past him... and didn’t remember I’d taken him till I got home and he wasn’t there.

I was left in Sayers by accident! (26 years ago now). My mum had a traumatic birth with me and it was one of the first times she was out without my Dad, just me and her. She brought me in the shop and forgot and walked out luckily the staff knew her (the type of area where people know everyone). They moved the pram to the side and just waited for her to come back (around 10 mins!). She also ‘lost’ my little brother in a shop, he ran off (small shop so couldn’t go far) and was found in the window display posing away in the window to people we both turned out ok

Yes, absolutely. Good luck rather than good management with mine.

I drove one of mine to work when they were a baby and it was only absolute luck that I saw them as I was locking the car. Back in my day, babies went forward facing way to early but in this case it averted a tragedy as if they were rear facing I would never have noticed and living in Australia they would have been dead when I finished work and returned.

Another I missed their drop off more times than I could count. Luckily all while they were older and each time I’d be turning into work and a little voice would go now daycare’ or ‘mummy work’ and I would go ‘oh fuck’ and turn the car around. If they had ever been asleep and not alerted me in this fashion it could have been tragic as I generally flew out of the car as soon as I pulled in to work.

Eventually I struck it lucky and final kid was safe as I was given some really good advice - always put your handbag at the foot of your child/car seat so when getting out you physically have to open the back door and reach in front of the car seat to get your bag. Even when I didn’t have kids in the car I made it a habit to put my bag in the back so I would ALWAYS have to open the back and have the car seats visible when retrieving my bag. Such a simple thing but it can avert a tragedy.

None of these incidents above were due to a change in routine either which was scary.

I also left my eldest in a shop when really young. Thankfully they were asleep and the lady in the shop was sensible and presumed I’d be back. I got home, put the kettle on, then couldn’t put my finger on what was different/missing then realised. I flew back and must have broken every speed record and they were still asleep and the lady said she presumed I’d realise at some point and was hoping it was before they woke up. That would have been about 45mins in total. All before the days of mobiles and calling store, not that I would necessarily have remembered the name of the one where I left them though.