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Could some kind soul read my first ever piece please.

48 replies

diamondimelda · 09/10/2014 21:14

Have a read and let me know what you think if you have a sec please.
--
Never trust a man who wears a ring on his little finger

I have no recollection where I first heard this phrase and due to my appalling failure to sort the stuff I need to remember from the stuff I can let leave my brain, this has stuck.

No idea why, as generalisations go it is random.

What is behind it, again no idea. In my fanciful moments I daydream of a haughty aristocrat, the lord of the manor ejecting tenant farmers and their brood of weeping children. The ring glinting, blinding them as the sunlight catches it.

But back to trust.

We have a three year old daughter & she is, in the way of most three year olds easily distracted, massively cuddly and vocal, my goodness vocal.

She chats to everyone, random people in shops, every passenger on a busy bus and the entire school playground as we collect her older, occasionally, exasperated sister.

Minor exaggerations in above sentence.

But that is a rough description of a chatty, affectionate, confident three year old.

Her father and I are going to have to put the brakes on this.

She will have to be schooled in who to trust, who to be affectionate with, who you can chat with.

And though I know this is necessary, socialisation in appropriate hugging is important for the future.

As is controlling her need to have long conversations with people in shops about how she has a hole in her sock like mummy does

Teaching her to be safe is paramount and one of our main roles as parents.

I am a little sad about souring that innocence though, allow me that.

.... I am still debating in my head about including the bit about men and their jewellery.

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JustHavinABreak · 06/11/2014 23:00

Hi DiamondImelda,
I just came across your stuff this evening. Really hope you haven't stopped writing. I have really enjoyed the pieces. You have a style that is very much your own. If you're not publishing here, are you blogging yet? Let me know. I'm looking forward to reading more!

diamondimelda · 07/11/2014 15:00

Hello Just,

Bizarre have just got back to the blogging here is the latest to mock Wink

Can a box set save your marriage?

This sadly is not a euphemism for a new sex toy or trend. I am in my late thirties, have two children, a husband and a job. My house fooled me with the illusion of being clean until the low winter sun came in and I am now being taunted by cobwebs and teased by a stain I thought was a pattern.

We have a garden, a beautiful garden. No one imparted to me the wisdom a garden takes work, lots of work. Kneeling & weeding, cutting, tying, raking. I own gardening tools. I did not know there were such things as gardening tools. Mainly due to the fact that I grew up in the west of Ireland and if a blade of grass, forced itself into existence among the rocks we fainted in shock. Like Victorian heroines we were, delicate. Not the welly wearing, bog tanned, Tayto eating fools of a John Hinde postcard.

My husband has a job, I don’t understand much of it. He lives in the fabled land of IT, where servers crash, back ups fail and you get a vicious look if you suggest “did you try to turn if off and back on again?” The eldest child, I have two as mentioned, it has nearly killed me. In this modern life they must do more than school and pick their nose, so she goes to gymnastics. The youngest daughter is traipsed along to this to view, but at three has not been shoved by her parents onto the treadmill of activities, yet.

The above is to illustrate that we have no time and are tired. In there I have neglected to add shopping, cooking (from scratch of course) & the fact if my husband has clean socks during the week it is nearly better than a blowjob. I said nearly and that is only artistic license. If there was a new sex toy or trend we would be the last to know.

The usual very waffly point I am trying to make is how do you spend time together. As this couple who are playing at being adults. You own (in conjunction with the bank) a house. Attempt to raise children, (salting money away for future therapy) and hold down a job (saving for a good lawyer when the tribunal comes). If you had some time together before you had children you live a long time on those memories. Unless you have family nearby it is hard to get out together once the children have left sticky handprints on your heart. Baby sitters cost a fortune. Once we calculated it would cost £105 to go to the cinema by bus and home by taxi (so we could have a drink of course!), pay the babysitter £8 an hour, cinema tickets and all the rest you might like on a simple trip to a see film.

Box sets. Netflix. Amazon Prime. When you have got to the point where the children are asleep when you would like them to be asleep. This is what we do now. Negociate. What shall we watch? It took us a year, but we did the entire set of Frasier. Then House of Cards, excellent, at one point we stayed up until 4am doing the famous binge watching. Episode after episode. Sitting side by side on the couch, drinking too much wine. Discussing the characters, betting on what’s going to happen next and egging each other on to watch the next.

We have moved to the next bit of being together, which is being together constantly but not having time for each other. The box set may be the modern equivalent of reading to each other. Modern life is good but even with the washing machine and fridge to help, existing takes time and money. This bit will end at some point and a new phase will start but it is a comfortable place, rubbing along together quietly, not the big nights out together. Lidl steak and Rioja. I think soon there will be a divorce case where they cite one partner watched a few episodes of the box set without the other. Box set cheat. Sad.

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PulpsNotFiction · 07/11/2014 15:17

Diamond, I love the latest one, probably because i can relate to it so much. The last line made me smile thinking about the fallout if one of us watched Homeland without the other. You've made it a sad point, that made me think. Is it? Or is it just how life evolves given the demands we all have?
It flows really well and is much more personal than the earlier ones, not than I'm any great critique!

Did you post a thread about this? I'm sure I've read that recently?

diamondimelda · 07/11/2014 15:28

No I haven't posted a thread just chatting to my family a few days ago about it and wrote down box set and that was the result when I sat down to write it.
It may be too personal, not sure what DH would make of it!

Thank you for commenting, very kind of you.

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PulpsNotFiction · 07/11/2014 15:53

Well good luck with it! I'll think of your blog when I'm catching up with Homeland and a bottle of red tonight and too knackered to talk Smile

MegCleary · 07/11/2014 16:56

Wellys and Tayto made me laugh. Thank you

diamondimelda · 07/11/2014 19:58

Thanks for the comments, a work in progress.

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Nancy66 · 08/11/2014 14:10

Watch the commas. You don't need half of the ones you use.

diamondimelda · 08/11/2014 14:50

Thank you, my sister says it needs a lot of editing.

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Dobble · 12/11/2014 10:15

I liked it too. Interesting, and more focused than the previous ones. As in, just one specific "topic".

diamondimelda · 12/11/2014 11:34

Thanks very much for reading it much appreciated.

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diamondimelda · 26/11/2014 12:39

Latest blog post, have a peek, please.

Is that what you were expecting to hear?

“Why did you become a nurse?" my husband asked me. “To help people get better” was my immediate, no nonsense, honest and standard reply. He raised an eyebrow as only a husband can. In a, this is me not an interview raise, adding “you are a cancer nurse, do many get better?”

Nice isn't it when the man you love, have married and had children with can still surprise you. Nudge that dusty corner of your identity that is just so ingrained you don’t question it. Why did I become a nurse, at seventeen all those decades ago, getting people better was the reason.

Why am I still a nurse is probably a better question now I am aged and wise. It has evolved as is right. I am not seventeen, I have different life experiences and skills. Some are better than the seventeen year old student nurse, some are not.

Over the years of work I have met people who inspired me from patients, to nurses and doctors.
One doctor piqued my interest in cancer, the nature of it, occasional hopelessness balanced with his necessary optimism. Another nurse invested in me and I hauled myself through a degree in nursing. No more money or promotion for the five years of part time study, money was never why you became a nurse. What I learned about cancer cells, treatment side effects and communication is essential.

Our children were born and I looked with an altered heart at patients, those leaving children, I could not fix that. New doctors. I had been around awhile now. White coats were going and first names coming in. I met a colleague who became a dear friend and an inspiration. That is joy in any walk of life, in this role a lifesaver.

You have a dark sense of humour working in a cancer department. Please do not judge us. We are not laughing at our patients we laugh with them a lot of the time which is surreal and necessary. When you spend hours in a room watching people be shredded by the information we give them, you need to laugh. Soaking up peoples pain, loss, anger, anguish, fear, terror, hopes, dreams, reality and agony, sometimes you need to laugh.

That is when I realised that what I liked was giving people information. Information became knowledge. Then hopefully, understanding and control. Communication is the skill I see some doctors now excel at. It is an art, as medicine is. I see them tailor their knowledge and present it with care for each family I see come into our rooms. Rooms with their bare walls and hard chairs. To watch thoughtful communication in clinical practice is powerful.

It will go wrong on occasion and that is because we are all individual human beings. Not being dimmed by the errors is necessary, learn from each time. Conversations are wisps of us, most are full of cliches and underpinned by self preservation.

A writer I admire Atul Gawande has written a book and I am too scared to read it. I think it is an important book. It is called “Being Mortal” and is about talking with people about their illness and what is important to them as they come towards death. Honest, hard conversations, emotionally draining and giving of oneself to help people with momentous decisions. Is more chemotherapy worth the side effects and time it will take to give? I have listened to him interviewed. I recognise in him, the work I have seen some doctors put into their relationships with patients and their families and how vital it is.

One question I ask patients after their consultation is, "Is that what you were expecting to hear?" It was a way of instantly assessing where they were after seeing the oncologist and where to start my information from. We need to start asking patients more questions.

What I think is important now is a national conversation on death. Death is normal and needs to be talked about. This is not to do with asking dying people about euthanasia or filling in paperwork. It is about a change in society. Recognising medicine has not stopped death. We need to discuss with each other as families and health-care professionals not how do you want to die but what do you want to do with the rest of your life.

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TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 26/11/2014 16:40

I like your writing very much. It's thoughtful and interesting and approachable.
The main thing I would work on is punctuation, as sometimes it's less clear than it could be.

eg the first paragraph:
“Why did you become a nurse?" my husband asked me. “To help people get better” was my immediate, no nonsense, honest and standard reply. He raised an eyebrow as only a husband can. In a, this is me not an interview raise, adding “you are a cancer nurse, do many get better?”

I would re-punctuate as:

“Why did you become a nurse?" my husband asked me. “To help people get better,” was my immediate, no-nonsense, honest and standard reply. He raised an eyebrow as only a husband can, in a this-is-me-not-an-interview raise, adding, “You are a cancer nurse. Do many get better?”

diamondimelda · 26/11/2014 20:07

Thank you very much for taking the time to comment and give advice. It is truly appreciated, will be taken on board & used. As you can tell by the way I write I am a complete novice.

I have seen you on the creative writing topic as I have lurked. You are published, I bow before you.

What advice do you have for someone who has ideas and wants to write but has no idea how to harness this need?

I have set up a blog but only my sister & husband, and a few kind souls here on this post have read it.

Any advice appreciated.

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TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 27/11/2014 10:29

DiamondImelda, do you want to write fiction? Or are you happy with non-fiction?

With non-fiction, I think blogging is a brilliant way to start, but you need to promote your blog a bit if you want it read more widely. Join MN bloggers, join Twitter and link it on there, link it on Facebook, and also comment a lot on other people's blogs and some will click on your link.
It's a good way to find your voice and find out what you have to say, and your readership will slowly build.

I wrote a blogpost about starting to write fiction which is linked on the thread from a few days ago in this topic about starting to do creative writing, and a follow-up with some recommendations for creative writing books. (I don't want to link it again in case MNHQ thinks I'm spamming.) The other thing you could do is join a writing forum (eg AbsoluteWrite.com) where there is a special topic for the kind of writing you want to do.

diamondimelda · 27/11/2014 16:12

Thanks for replying. I will have a look for your blog post.

I prefer fiction there is an element of non fiction or autobiographical in what i write as I am starting out.

I have set up a blog, twitter in an assumed name for now Blush not done the facebook stuff.

I have emailed mumsnet in oct re the blog but not heard back.

Need to get out there and read others and learn from it and have a look at Absolute write.

Thanks for the advice.

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TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 27/11/2014 16:16

You shouldn't need to email MNHQ - there's a form to fill in to join the bloggers' network.

If you pm me your twitter handle I'll follow you and retweet!

Good luck.

diamondimelda · 27/11/2014 17:16

I filled in the form but they said it would be awhile and that was on the 10th Oct so just waiting.

I'll pass on my twitter.

Very grateful for the advice

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MegCleary · 27/11/2014 20:06

More personal this one, risky?

diamondimelda · 12/12/2014 17:20

Begging bump

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pinkfrocks · 15/12/2014 16:09

As someone else said, you need to work on your punctuation. There is not enough variety; you should be able to master a semi-colon and a colon.

Some of your ideas are a bit iffy- eg ' Raised an eyebrow as only a husband can.' What does that actually mean? Why is his eyebrow raise so very different to anyone else's? What is it that you are trying to convey?

Also this line here...

and where to start my information from.

It's not good grammar to end with a preposition. You ought to say 'and from where to start my information...' but in any case it's a very clumsy way of writing what you want to say. neither is right. No one 'starts information'- we give information to someone.

Or we 'start to give information'.

There are many more examples like this where your writing is a bit clumsy, the syntax is incorrect or you have used the wrong word.

Is this for a blog, a non fiction book or a novel?

diamondimelda · 18/12/2014 19:55

This is just a blog random thoughts. Pretty much rambling. This last piece was a cathartic rant as i have just resigned my job. I have not gone back to edit I just posted in the raw.
Your points are excellent pinkfrocks many thanks for taking the time.

I have been doing a free creative wrtining course online. Perhaps I shall pick up some tips from there.

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 05/02/2015 13:56

I think you've got a lovely 'voice', very likeable. These are things that you can't work on - so you should be pleased with yourself!

At the moment, the posts are all over the place - that's fine of course - in early drafts, but you'll want to tidy/edit them up later. In a short piece, while editing you really need to be asking yourself: 'What am I really writing about here?' and the digressions - which are sweet - might be better if they served the main subject in some way.

At the moment, you haven't decided whether you're writing slice of life, rants, autobiography or what yet. Maybe you don't have to decide, but as a reader, I prefer the not-rants - your writing is good enough to get away without spelling things out.

It's hard writing personal stuff, but I find it rewarding as a writer and a reader. Bizarrely, in writing I think the more specific you are about the uniqueness of your experience, the more universal and truthful is the result. So yeah, dig deep, get the skeletons out your closet and keep going.

You can tell I'm distracting myself from doing some writing, can you?!

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