Financing college . What do you pay for ...

[craic74]

My exh is insisting that my daughter pays towards her college fees and living expenses when she goes to Limerick in September .
She will not get a grant .
My exh is tight with money as it is and before we separated we had discussed paying for her fees and accommodation and food.
She would fund her social life, clothes , grooming, phone etc herself.
She will earn e400 per week this summer .
She is paying for the post of holiday, spending money, all clothes etc herself.
She will s also going to different concerts, marches and events around Ireland. She finds herself totally.
Can I ask what the norm is. She is our first and he thinks she should pay e2k and towards college . She won't have that based on holidays and summer plans.
The same girl has been utterly down and out for the lastthree years due to our separation , covid , house/ area move and friendship difficulties .
I would like her to enjoy her last summer before college and am willing g to pay half fees and accom fees through her college years .
He's going bananas with me .
Thoughts please ?

You can’t force him op

either you stump up more or she gets the 50% from you 🤷‍♀️

Good on her for getting a £400 a week job

She should certainly be able to put away some and have a brilliant summer

She won’t get the grant if her parents income is too high - it’s assumed that parents will find if they have the capacity. If her course work is not too much she can get a part time job to support herself during college. We paid fees and rent and she worked and paid for her other costs phone clothes travel entertainment etc. we know several students who deferred to allow time to save for college might be an option. Also a loan might be an option and she pays you back.

She will be working through college as I intend only to contribute towards fees and
Accom costs. That's it

We pay fees and as she lives here, we pay all the home costs - food, all her toiletries etc. DD funds social life and holidays. We had agreed to pay fees and accommodation if she went away - that is what all of our family do. If you don’t get a grant, you are expected to fund fees and accommodation- depending on the course your child is studying, they may not be able to work throughout the year. But equally, many courses have internships in 3 rd year, a she could earn enough to fund her 4th year. It depends on the course. DD’s friends all work to fund holidays and social life.

Op of course it would be nice for your ex to contribute. I certainly would want to.

he does not though. So no point getting worked up about it as you can’t force him to.

So contribute what you can and your daughter will work too. And use some of her summer savings

I think what you're suggesting is reasonable but there is no point in arguing with your ex. Unless there was some sort of legally-binding agreement in place you can't force him.
Just get him to state how much he is willing to contribute and take it from there.

Its a shame your ex-husband is so tight with money, particularly as you had previously discussed covering fees and accommodation. Is he struggling financially as a result of the split due to having to rent privately? What's his relationship with your daughter like? I'm assuming if she's living away from home you're looking at roughly €7-9k a year for fees and accomodation?

He is self employed and has plenty terms of spare cash for holidays, clothes and socialising. He also has no parental responsibilities as they refuse to go with him.He has a very poor relationship with her.
He also doesn't have any expenses bar e50 per week per child for me to raise. So he contributes e150 per week for me to raise our three teens and that's that.

That's very tough, particularly as you have 2 other teenagers who will also be heading towards college going age. Sorry OP, I'm not really sure what to advise but I sympathise with you.

I don't know about Ireland but in England students get a maintenance loan. How much they get is dependent upon their parents income. If parents earn more they won't get a full maintenance loan. In those circumstances I think it is only fair the parents pay to top up the student loan to what they would get if parents earned less. My DD took the loan for fees but I paid full accommodation and gave her £30 a week for food but this was 16 years ago. Now I'd be paying more like accommodation and £60 per week for food. My DD worked during the long summer break and Easter break and saved some of that money and used that money for her books, internet and electricity at uni plus spending money.

I’m baffled then that you’re surprised he would have ever contributed?

you just earn substantial amount for her not to be entitled to any grant

she will have a loan
savings
earnings in her job whilst at uni
and your contribution

she should be fine

Your husband gives you 150 euro a week to bring up 3 teenagers and now wants his daughter to pay 2000 euro towards her own college costs.
Meanwhile he is self employed has money for holidays, nice car ect.
I would not let him away with giving you that amount of money a week for 3 teenagers. I have several friends with teenagers and I know how expensive clothes, shoes and food are for that age not to mention the school books, sports, sports gear ect.

Since your husband is such a tight wad this is what I would do. Meet up with him face to face.

Tell him that you need more than 150 a week to bring up his 3 teenagers and that he is going to have to pay towards his children's college costs.
Tell him I can see your doing well well with that car and I know you were in X on holidays and that revenue must be happy - see how he reacts to this.
My feeling is that he might not be declaring all that he earns. Tell him nicely you have to decide what do next when it obvious to you that he can afford to give you more money.
My feeling is that he won't want a revenue audit or them looking closely at his books or income.

If you contact revenue he will have an audit and every cent he spends will be looked at. If his lifestyle does match his income he will be asked questions. If he has under paid tax he will get a large bill and pay fines and interest on top of this. Along with this revenue will continue to monitor his business as well.

I would tell your kids from now on if they want anything they can ring your husband. Give your kids his mobile, work and home number. Tell them to keep ringing him looking for money and for new runners, football boots and clothes. Get them to ring him during the day and in the evenings.
With 3 teenagers he have no shortage of calls over the summer.

He will get pissed off of them doing this and when he come back to you tell him well when you give me more money the calls could stop.

I ring his parents and tell them about his meanness. Tell them well you might not know this but X only gives me 150 a week for 3 teenagers and now he expects your daughter to find 2000 euro towards college. He could be telling them he giving you a lot and your always looking for money.

I ring his friends as well and let them know about his meanness.

The problem is that you have been fair with him but as your children have gotten older the expenses have gotten higher. He needs to step up now as the reality is that you can't afford to put 3 through college on your own.

I look into fis as well. It family income supplement where you can get extra money from the government if your working, have kids and your income is below a certain amount. Look it up on the citizens information website. If your eligible it could take a few weeks to come through but I think you get back pay from the time you apply.

I ring his parents and tell them about his meanness. Tell them well you might not know this but X only gives me 150 a week for 3 teenagers and now he expects your daughter to find 2000 euro towards college. He could be telling them he giving you a lot and you’re always looking for money.

I ring his friends as well and let them know about his meanness.

Needless to say ignore this (and in fact all of that posters advice)

Are you familiar with the grant income thresholds? OP doesn't necessarily earn a lot at all.

I don't know why you've stated her daughter will have a loan like it's a fact? OP hasn't mentioned this at all and it's unlikely to be a good option in this situation as she'll be paying it back while studying and paying interest on it.

This was meant in response to @GiveupHQ

But if she doesn’t have a loan, then threats another income stream for her!

my point is that the father is being selfish. However given he has a very negative relationship with the op and his children, and consequently they very rarely see him, there really is zero point in the OP continuing to think he’s an option. He isn’t. And there is nothing she can do about it

@GiveupHQ But if she doesn’t have a loan, then threats another income stream for her!

I have no idea what this means?

If she does not have a loan

then that’s another possible avenue, as the majority do too.

fact remains… the dad is a lost cause

i don’t think most students in Ireland have loans. We don’t have a government student loan system.

All eligible full-time higher education students entering higher education can get a Tuition Fee Loan. The loan will cover any amount up to the full amount you’re charged for tuition fees.
For 2022 to 2023 this will be up to £4,630 for students studying within Northern Ireland,

And for living costs

**The maximum Maintenance Loan amounts for Northern Ireland students are:

• £3,750 if you are living and attending college in Northern Ireland
• £6,780 if the course is in London
• £5,770 if you are overseas
• £4,840 if you live elsewhere

For academic year 2023/24, all eligible new and continuing full-time undergraduate students from NI will be able to apply for a loan of up to £5,250 if living at home, £6,776 if living away from home, £9,492 if based in London and £8,078 if studying overseas. You can take out around 75 per cent of the maximum Maintenance Loan regardless of your household income - this is called the 'non income assessed' part of the loan. Whether you get the remaining 25 per cent - the 'income assessed' part of the loan - depends on your household income.

With ours we paid for accommodation and fees and they used their own job money for everything else. They did sometimes take food from home in first year until they got going. But we could afford it as had planned in advance.
But l do have friends who expected their dc to pay half of accommodation at the end of each Summer as that's what they could afford. These students never complained as they understood. If your dd is going through a lot of money during the Summer and you are scrimping to pay fees l wouldn't apologise for asking her to contribute. You can only do what you can do.
Be good for her to call her dad if she needs anything and not always come to you. Get him to do stuff like drop her down etc so you save petrol.
For other readers it's unusual in lreland for students to take personal loans. There are grants or parents get loans or pay from income. Students don't usually enter the workplace with an outstanding loan.

@GiveupHQ
Northern Ireland loan systems are not relevant to students from Ireland!
The OP is talking about euro and studying in Limerick.