Relocating to the Motherland!

[Areyouseriousrightnow]

We’re a London based family, both me and my DH with Irish parents, but both lived our entire lives in England. We decide to make some changes following ‘all this’, and one of them is to relocate, but not decided where. I’d like to move to Dublin, where my family is from and where I spent summer/Christmas growing up. I’m sick of Brexit, Austerity, Tory Bolux, I love Dublin, lots of reasons why I think it’s where I’d prefer to bring my children up.
DH not convinced, sees it as a huge upheaval (we have 3 DC). I want to be realistic with myself about the challenges. We’d have to sell up and buy over there, and am aware the property market is utterly nuts in Dublin, but I probably underestimating how nuts. I’m not sure what the job situation is like or the economy at the moment? (I really need to do more homework.
What advice would you give me?

I don't know if I'll be helpful or not but I am lurking along on this thread as I'm English and just moved to Co. Galway about ten days ago!
DH is irish and 2 small children with one on way. Eldest starting in an Irish school in a couple of weeks 😳

I can maybe update my experiences as I go along! And take any advice any one has too!

The only thing I've found so far is that pregnancy and birth is very medicalised it seems. You're expected to go to the hospital and a water birth is only available in like one hospital in Dublin..! This might be outdated or incorrect information that I've been given but I had a home water birth for my last so found that disconcerting in a country where women generally have more babies/bigger families!

Definitely share your experiences @mamamalt as you go along! I’m not only one who will be interested I’m sure!
Coincidentally when we got our house valued recently the EA told us we were they’d just sold a house for a couple relocating to Ireland too!

I'd be really interested too, @mamamalt. We're also considering Galway.

Dubliners are seen as English Lite in the west of Ireland. So I wouldn't pay too much heed to what ppl think if I was your hubby. My kids got a bit of flak - oddly enough because they didn't support the same Premier league club as the local lads! They would just say ' Inis dom do scéal as Gaeilge' - tell me that in Irish. This would usually end the conversation since most young lads are poor at Irish Actually it might be an idea for you to check out conversational Irish at a local library. Usually mid morning for 1 hour. My dd was exempt from Irish being 11 when we returned. But she picked up lots of songs anyway. Lots of retired teachers and students give 'grinds' too. Don't sweat on it anyway !

@mamamalt

I don't know if I'll be helpful or not but I am lurking along on this thread as I'm English and just moved to Co. Galway about ten days ago! DH is irish and 2 small children with one on way. Eldest starting in an Irish school in a couple of weeks 😳

I can maybe update my experiences as I go along! And take any advice any one has too!

The only thing I've found so far is that pregnancy and birth is very medicalised it seems. You're expected to go to the hospital and a water birth is only available in like one hospital in Dublin..! This might be outdated or incorrect information that I've been given but I had a home water birth for my last so found that disconcerting in a country where women generally have more babies/bigger families!

I don’t think most of Ireland ever had the (to me, slightly tiresome) obsession with ‘natural birth’ that much of the UK did, and there’s no NCT equivalent that I’m aware of. Bear in mind too that until very recently, abortion was illegal, which meant that some antenatal chromosomal testing that was normal in the UK didn’t routinely happen. I’m assuming that will have changed now, but when I had antenatal care in Ireland in 2011-12, it was still the case. Admittedly, I wasn’t particularly happy with my antenatal care at the Galway UH, and ended up giving birth in the UK.

@Abhannmor thanks for the reassurance!! And a very useful little phrase!

I’m feeling positive following all the comments. Now I’ve got to convince my husband to get his CV ready and get job hunting, as we’ll be reliant on his salary more than mine. I’m guessing Jan is usually a good time for job availability over there also?

Tech scene's booming, it's what's making us consider leaving (both programmers). There's some big names setting up and big salaries on offer.

In really to housing cost.
My house was on the market for 4 week and sold way over the asking price.

For context, it was 2 bed terraced house in an area perceived as rough as fuck (in reality it is a lovely area and i am very sad to live)
but it should for 300k

I wouldnt send my children to school in the area, so go to school in the next catchment area (a 4 minute drive from the house). This is fine for primary.
Secondary is a problem, there are no secondary schools in the current area they go to school.

The completion rate to 6th year of the local school is 13% and University/College of the 13% is 5%.

This is the reason we are moving counties.

Something to think about when moving

OMG, need to leave to proof read before posting - my auto correct has gone into overdrive

We moved back 3 weeks ago and loving it. Although we're not in Dublin, we're 'down the country' Good luck if you decide to take the plunge!

Congratulations @SweetBabyJebus how did you find the process of moving back/ what was the hardest/easiest bit?

@elizabethdraper interesting thank you

You should be able to locate a 4 bed in the areas and budget you’re talking about but it won’t be a done deal and you won’t have much change left over, the way prices are going.
I can’t see your DH (or you) having much problem with an English accent. If someone with an English accent and Irish parents identifies as Irish, happy to see them as so - I have a friend like that. I am an adopted Dub and would have zero interest in moving to rural Ireland, you’re lucky your family are Dublin based (IMO 😉).
IT is a boom area.
I reckon go for it!

Oh god. Seriously I was in your situation along time ago (over 20 years) except my kids are born here in Ireland. It’s so anti English here and getting worse not better, please think hard about the move. Don’t assume that people will accept you easily. Maybe in Dublin it’s easier. It certainly isn’t where I am (large ish town). Think hard before you uproot. I’d go back to the Uk in a heartbeat if I could. You’ll be seen as English and that’s not good. My kids have been abused for having an English mum but that’s just my experience. I’d hope that it’s not the same everywhere but now, I hate to say it, even my ownkids are anti-English. Unless you want to forgo any of your Englishness I’d say don’t do it. I’ve been here 20 years. It no nirvana at all. Think hard and leave yourself a way to get back, should it not work out.
Sorry, i just wanted to give you my perspective.

Just replying to @Aarghwhatsmyname I'm sorry you've had that experience. That's really disappointing to hear.

I live in Dublin. I work with many English people (in a university so common enough - certainly till now - to have people moving between UK & Ireland). Know parents of my kids' friends who are English-born.

I can honestly say it's never been an issue, I've never picked up from them that it's an issue, so I really hope not.

I know what you mean, that it might be more of a thing outside Dublin. I hope that would be in the minority though.

It’s so heartening to hear @EarringsandLipstick that it’s not an issue where you are! I came here feeling very Irish, as that was my experience despite being born and brought up in England. I was so misled and am, in all honesty, angry that my husband bought me here and left me to sink.
Sorry, sounds very dramatic doesn’t it? Maybe I have a DH problem I thought I’d slot right in yet I’ve felt like a very disliked fish out of water since. Perhaps you need to be English here to feel that dislike, it’s so ingrained. Two weeks every summer as a child is no substitute for actually living here.
I hope and believe dublin is more accepting and diverse. And I’d just like to fore warn the op to not burn her bridges in the U.K. I hope if she makes the leap it works out for her.

I was so misled and am, in all honesty, angry that my husband bought me here and left me to sink.
Sorry, sounds very dramatic doesn’t it?

I don't think it sounds dramatic, I think it's really tough that you've had that experience & I can't imagine how isolating it feels.

I've never got or approved of that anti-English sentiment I do see at times here.

I've a friend (living here) who's born in England but is very Irish - both parents Irish, spent loads of time here, Irish boyfriend - her sister even gave birth here unexpectedly while on a visit! She would say she feels more at home here than the UK - she's quite anti-English herself, I'd say! She doesn't live in Dublin (is in West of Ireland) & seems happy.

So I guess it will differ & I've no doubt there's anti-English sentiment in parts of Dublin too.

Hopefully you can find a solution in time, would you move back to the UK now kids are older?

You see that’s hit the nail on the head @EarringsandLipstick - in order to be really Irish, it’s seems you need to be anti-English which is a bit of a problem for those of us here with our Irish kids and yet English family back in the uk. My kids, sadly, often look down on their Uk family which upsets me. I’ve made a balls of it, I’ve got to say. I should have stayed in the uk I think. After all, my parents saw fit to vacate Ireland and made very happy lives in the uk. I think I saw Ireland through rose tinted glasses and regret it every single day. Sorry to be so miserable - I’m having a particularly difficult day with it today. I’m really not such a sad cow usually Honestly!!

regret it every single day.

I'm really sorry. That's just so sad to read.

Again, I would say I don't see that among English people I know. They are (or at least were, pre Covid) over & back to the UK, and I don't get any sense they feel they have to reject their English background. Tho most would br anti-Brexit, anti-Boris, but that's a large cohort & not in any way anti-English. Also as I said, many of my friends are from work, a university, and it's just so usual to have lots of different nationalities anyway.

I hope things can improve for you. Have you anyone you can talk to properly about this? (I'm sensing DH is not that much use on this.).

Thank you @EarringsandLipstick
No, not really anyone who I could get it off my chest with but thanks for replying. Pretty sure DH is well aware of it and has certainly seen it first hand but would rather pretend it doesn’t exist, if you get me. It’s an uncomfortable truth.
It really does help to think the anti English sentiment is not totally across the board here though and I do think perhaps it’s more of a small town mentality. There is quite a bit of general racism here where I am and I often wonder what it would feel/be like to be a different colour. Not great I’m guessing.

I hope there’s more people out there like you.

@Aarghwhatsmyname so sorry to hear about your experience in Ireland.

We were over 10 years in the UK and have moved back largely because of Brexit and the overwhelming feeling of unwelcoming we felt in England as a result, mixed with the clarity that the pandemic has brought re. being closer to the people who matter. It wasn't the same place that we moved to all those years ago, and it honestly felt like it was only going to get worse as the realities of Brexit became clearer (husband is in customs and is witnessing first hand the utter shambles that is occuring that the general public are oblivious to because of the focus of everything being Covid).

The Ireland I left is also not the same place I have come back to either. In a good way! The town I grew up in, and ran away from to go to Uni, has blossomed and flourished in the 20+ years since I last lived here, and we have had nothing but positivity and open arms from the locals. My youngest was born in the UK and starts school soon, so I am hoping the positivity continues, fingers crossed.

Now, the burocracy is another story altogether... Trying to open a bank account has been an absolute mare!

I wish you well, though Aarghwhatsmyname. I know the feeling of not being 'at home' where I live. Happy to chat of you want to PM me.

Hi all , really glad to find this helpful thread.
We are thinking of moving back to Ireland but not sure whether north or south of the border (I’m from NI and DH from England). Initially I wanted to move to the south but the housing crisis is a shocker so much so there is a risk we couldn’t even find a place to rent near Dublin or so it appears. I was hoping to hear from success stories and advice from returners to NI or ROI ? Thank you

@Aarghwhatsmyname

Oh god. Seriously I was in your situation along time ago (over 20 years) except my kids are born here in Ireland. It’s so anti English here and getting worse not better, please think hard about the move. Don’t assume that people will accept you easily. Maybe in Dublin it’s easier. It certainly isn’t where I am (large ish town). Think hard before you uproot. I’d go back to the Uk in a heartbeat if I could. You’ll be seen as English and that’s not good. My kids have been abused for having an English mum but that’s just my experience. I’d hope that it’s not the same everywhere but now, I hate to say it, even my ownkids are anti-English. Unless you want to forgo any of your Englishness I’d say don’t do it. I’ve been here 20 years. It no nirvana at all. Think hard and leave yourself a way to get back, should it not work out. Sorry, i just wanted to give you my perspective.

I'm sorry you've had such a negative experience. I'm 2nd generation Irish and moved here permanently 15 years ago-long story- and am married to a native Irishman. My son was 7 when we moved here but he has a solid group of mates here and is "Gaelicised", though he wasn't great at the Irish language! As for myself, I have found I am more readily accepted either by Irish people who have lived in England, have family there or know that my parents were Irish. I've been coming back and forth all my life so I am not a total stranger anyway. However, sometimes I do notice a slight distancing or even frostiness when I speak to some strangers. Someone might say something friendly to me and then when I reply, the temperature drops just a little bit, IYKWIM? It still stings slightly and plays on my mind a little bit because I don't KNOW it's because of my English accent but I can't think of any other reason! When I first moved back here, there were quite a few occasions when I'd have been introduced to someone and said "Hi, how are you?" and be looked at as if I'd said something unforgiveable. It really knocked my confidence at first. I don't get so upset by it anymore but one thing I do miss about England is I found it so much easier to make close female friends there. My best friend is there and I miss her badly. Having said all this, for every frosty person there are friendly people and if we get chatting and it's revealed that I'm 2nd generation Irish, I feel very welcomed by them. I also think, given the history and how recent it is- my own grandparents lived through the "Bad times" and told me some horror stories- I can understand why some people might feel the need to be distant and this helps stop me taking it so personally. I hope things get better for you soon. Keep being warm and friendly and showing the best of the English people to those around you. I can be lonely here but if you and your family know you're a good person, that's what matters really, isn't it? All the best to you!

I'm shocked and disgusted reading of the posters who have experienced anti English bias, either themselves or their families.
I'm going to stick my neck out here - is it a rural thing ?
Is it a class thing ?
And please don't say there is no "class system" in Ireland . There very much is.
The Anglo Irish, South County Dublin, "elite" sports etc.
Some people don't notice it.
Ross O' Carroll Kelly books are popular for a reason. Author Paul Howard gets it spot on.
Thankfully though we have a more meritocratic society since free education was introduced in the 1960s.

Watching house prices at the moment, as we're sort of thinking of a house move, prices went insane during the pandemic, it was a supply and demand thing, but I think they are settling a wee bit. You have to go Sale Agreed before you can get a surveyor in apparently. Nuts !!!!

Private primary schools do not get financial support from the government.
Private secondary schools do.
The national school system ( primary )is excellent so there is no need to pay.

I do hope if you do move that you will he very happy @Areyouseriousrightnow.

I don’t think it’s a class thing @LadyEloise1 and although your shock and disgust is so heartening to hear its, as far as I can see, quite ingrained here. Across the board and quite acceptable to be anti British. Politicians here can raise their popularity with a little Brit bashing, it gets a bit of a cheer I think. I’m getting out soon, going home, done my time as it were. And I certainly would not be advising any Brits to give it a go here, unless they were prepared to go along with the belief that anything to do with the Uk is the worst I the world.

Anti English sentiment is widespread, including in Dublin and down the country.
I’ve lived in Ireland since I was young, my mother is Irish, father English. I feel Irish, but also do identify with my British part. I’ve learned through experience not to mention the 6 years I lived in the UK as a child though - too many negative reactions over the years.