Opting out of Holy Communion in a rural catholic school

[CucumberAndMint]

Thinking we will make the decision not to go through with Holy communion for our DC.

DC1 due next May. Date chosen already so bouncy castles and hair appointments can be booked!

Our main concerns are fallout and feelings of exclusion. DH family not bothered. Mine fairly horrified.

We are happy with the school and will take dc on holiday around the time of event.

Has anyone done this and how did he deal with it?

I'm a teacher in a small catholic school in rural Ireland and there's no problem at all with opting out.

Maybe we are overthinking it. Will keep it light and breezy.

No one opts out here unless "foreign" or "Protestant " ! We will be a novelty.

My family we upset. Tears etc. Worried what people will think.

We are sticking with our decision though.

Not going through multiple communions, confirmations, Eucharistic processions, alter serving etc.

As the other posters above have said over 90 percent of primary schools in Ireland have a Catholic ethos. For example in County Mayo where I live we have:

2 Educate Together multi denominational primary schools
2 Church of Ireland primary schools
158 Catholic primary schools
4 Special Education primary schools, all under the patronage of the Catholic Church.

The situation is a bit better at secondary level as community schools, community colleges and vocational schools are usually classed as multi denominational or interdenominational. In practice, religion is still usually taught, but there is much less emphasis on it than in your typical Catholic secondary school. There are also a very small number of Educate Together secondary schools in Dublin.

There is no problem with opting out of communion in any of the small rural primary schools where I live and no issues with enrollment of non Catholics. Due to the declining population they are just glad to have bums on seats so the schools can stay open.

Did this with all three of my children who attended local rural Catholic school. Wasn't a problem at all! We had a break away around that time too which helped ..

Will be nice to have holidays in term time

Yes indeed! We went to Tayto Park for dd, Legoland for ds and Belfast for dd. ''Twas fab!

Good luck OP. Agree with your choice 100%.

Thanks. Think kids would be delighted with Tayto park and skipping mass.

The communion preparation class is done during the school day, isn't it? So the only problem the school might have would be if you didn't want them in the classroom during the class. If you're happy for them to stay in the classroom and do homework or read or something then there shouldn't be any issue. I would worry a little about a very religious teacher making some snippy remarks, but let's hope she's professional enough not to do that.

I'd imagine the older generations of your family might have some views on it though.

DS has recently changed to a Catholic secondary, having been all the way through the Protestant system up until now, and I was surprised that religion never came up. The Prod schools make you prove that you're an active member of a parish.

Eh?
Why are you at a Catholic school?
I'm not catholic, dh's family are big time. Both ds's gone to catholic primary and secondary. And I did the whole, weekly, holy communion.

I just don't get why you are even there!!

Oblomov18 - there is a really good explanation of the Irish system further up the thread. I'm guessing that you live somewhere that you could have chosen a non-Catholic school, the OP didn't have that choice.

Will your dc feel left out? There will be lots of prep leading up to it so they should have more idea of the importance nearer the time.

If it's the bouncy castles etc that are the problem keep it low key. My DDs communion is next may and I won't be sucked into the ott dress or party. Do what works best for your family.

Do your DC want to belong to 'The Church' and take vows to confirm that?

If yes then do it, if no don't.

That should be the only consideration. Other people can be hypocrites if they want, their decision.

Oblomov18 I posted this in Craicnet not on the main Mumsnet pages. We are in a catholic school as we have no choice. It is our local school and for a non dom school we would be travelling 10 hours a week.

Will have to talk to principal and class teacher regarding what happens during prep time. It should really be outside school hours.

I am worried about how teacher and classmates will react. Life is very black and white here.

Relatives are mainly worried about what the priests and nuns in the family will think!

Mouse I think 7/8 years is too young to decide if they want to be part of "the Church"

Will they be OK about not getting any money? DS wanted to convert to Catholicism when he heard how much the Catholic kids in his class were likely to get. I did try to explain that getting money was not the point of a religious ceremony, but he only really lost interest when I pointed out that most of his relatives are not Catholic so they were unlikely to be giving him much money anyway.

Will throw a small bit of money their way for holiday spends if it's mentioned.
It will only be spent on crap anyway.

Well, you'll have a bit of savings from not having to buy clothes and lay on a party. At least C of I ceremonies are very low key, when DS was confirmed we just put him in his nicest jeans and a school shirt. No party, just lunch at home with immediate family, like a normal Sunday.

Sounds ideal Black. Will save a lot not competing with the Joneses!

Relatives are mainly worried about what the priests and nuns in the family will think!

Well if the relatives trot out that excuse you should remind them that it's priests and nuns that should be worried about what people think of them in light of the endless amount of abuse that keeps getting exposed that was carried out by so many priests and nuns.

Just tell the school you are opting out and don't make a big deal of it. I'd be surprised if they reacted negatively. Have a think about what part of the preparations you are ok with your child doing. Eg learning the songs, the actual instruction on body and blood into bread and wine, going to the church (but sitting at the back). Are you ok with your child reading/colouring instead?

Make sure you put as much effort into how your child will feel about it and that they are fully on board with being different to the rest of the class and the reasons why.

We don’t live in Ireland at the moment, but lots of friends have opted out of FHC and Confirmatiin in small rural schools, with no issues — I think it’s getting far more common, thankfully.

And the posters making snippy remarks about ‘Why did you send your child to a CATHOLIC school so?’ need to grasp that other countries have different education systems.

No def won't make a big deal if it and will keep at home day of first confession and holidays for a few days around the big event.

It's easy to vent on here but we are saying very little to family and friends etc of our true feelings unless pushed.

Everyone is entitled to do what they feel is best without judgment.

Definitely don't want any blessings or being involved in any way.

She can have her ears pierced, new frock etc if mentioned.

Have a few books on evolution, different religions etc that we will tackle over the summer.

I work part time so will have plenty time to be there for her emotionally.

Whosafraid do you mind me asking why you went ahead with FHC if you don't do church?