Tips and advice on how to live more frugally?

[Paynefully]

I’m a ‘I want it, I need it’ kinda gal, and always really have been.

But we’ve just got married, have two children and winter is coming up. We’re both starting to think of way to save our pennies.

the thing is, we’re not suppose to struggle. After all bills, food shop, everything has gone out we should be left with anything from £800-£1200 a month for ‘fun money’ dependant on various bills and nursery fees.

but for some reason we’re still left with £0 at the end of every month, even into our overdraft. I don’t know if it’s because of the wedding, which was planned over 3.5 years so maybe things will get better now?

but honestly I just find myself thinking “oh it’s autumn, Halloween is also coming we’re going to need autumnal cushions and throws in the living room, smelly candles and reed diffusers, kids costumes, decorations” I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to money and I think it’s because I see all these nice influencers online with their nice decor and I feel like I’m missing out if I don’t do it 🥲 but we really need to start saving and getting ourselves back on the straight and narrow.

how do I stop bloody spending?!

autumnal cushions and throws in the living room
Definitely do not need these, hang up autumnal leaves and pine cones etc if you need
Smelly candles and reed diffusers,
Candles are a fire hazard, all of them use horrible chemicals. What scent would you have? Can you use pine cones, essential oils etc instead? Or just open a window, I hate houses with fake smells!

kids costumes charity shop, old bedsheet as a ghost, at a push buy a few sticks of facepaint

Do not kid yourself that hanging some bits of plastic on the wall and struggling financially as a result is a recipe for happiness or fulfillment

I would recommend a Plum account that is linked to your bank account. Mine is set to roundups and every week they number crunch to see what can be taken without leaving me short. It's been quite motivating seeing my little savings pile grow and knowing that I won't have to worry about Christmas for example. If you're desperate you can transfer back immediately, however, I haven't yet had to do that. Give it a go.

but for some reason we’re still left with £0 at the end of every month, even into our overdraft. I don’t know if it’s because of the wedding, which was planned over 3.5 years so maybe things will get better now?

We can’t answer that! You need to look at your budget and spending and list where your money has gone. And what you can easily cut back on. List it all out, everything you have spent, add up the ‘frivolous’ spends, you will probably be shocked.

I always put my savings aside the day I got paid. An amount into the joint household account for bills, food, kids etc, and my budgeted amount in a separate savings account.

Save first!

Also you really don't need to buy special Halloween and Xmas stuff. Such a waste of money. Get creative, add to what you have with a few cheap bits from Poundland or Home Bargains. My son is a bit old for dress up now but we always did a zombie face with makeup and then whatever outfit he had, so last year he was a zombie policeman. Cost me absolutely nothing. I have a £10 limit for Easter/Xmas/Halloween decs and it's absolutely fine. I think a shift of mindset is required here!

Unfollow those influencers

This! As soon as I read your posts OP I thought 'too much time on Instagram!'

Why don't you seek influencers who reduce/reuse/recycle to make your home feel special for autumn.

why on earth do you need cushions and candles? You are not Martha Stewart! If I bought all that I would have no money for more important stuff.

Unfollow all the Instagram influencers for a start.
You really don't need any autumnal decor - things don't equal happiness. You have fallen for shops advertising and marketing to make you spend more money with them, making the business even richer and you poorer.

No one needs special autumn cushions, people do need savings in the bank. Try and think of it like that and pay your savings first or allocate money to pots for expenses you know you have. Then if there is still a surplus knock yourself out on seasonal tat.

Yeah, I don't follow any instagrammers. Guaranteed to make you feel dissatisfied and buy more crap you don't need. £1200 a month for fun is a pretty large sum. You should not be skint.

You seem to be spending money to buy things that you think will impress people to the detriment of your family. STOP caring what other people think and focus on your family’s needs, eg savings / kids educational funds etc

Are you friends with people who are also always to impress others …so it turns into a sort of competition to see who can waste the most money? If you are you should find more sensible friends.

Stop following influencers and being so easily influenced by people, influencers make a living from having followers like you, you are funding their lifestyle by following them and damaging your own, a lot of influencers taste is quite tacky anyway

Pay yourself first. On payday take a good chunk and put it into a savings account, before you buy anything.

These influencers are causing a lot of environmental damage with the constant consumption and they encourage others to do the same. It's always chain store tat too so they can link to it. I really don't think normal to change the decor for the seasons. Maybe a few Christmas decs? This consumption is not sustainable fot the planet and not sustainable for your finances. £40 on a throw or a cushion (I don't know how much this stuff would cost) is gone forever. You will never have that £40 again. The item has no value on the second hand market. It might sell for £2 or £3 if you are lucky enough to find a buyer. £40 saved is £40 saved. The buying power might be less but its better than not having £40 at all. £40 invested might go down but you would be unlucky indeed for your £40 to lose £37 or £38 like your cushion or throw did. You might as well burn all your money instead of buying this crap. Where do you store it? Work out how much your house costs per square foot and then work out how much it is costing you for real estate to store these things.

I've started following an influencer out of curiosity. She leads a vacuous and boring life, prancing around in new clothes, driving around in a new car, buying new phones. It is clear that she thinks she is viewed as a wealthy person. The impression I am left with is that she is skint and her whole world is about showing off. The influencer inspires me to save.

If I went to visit a friend and there was a new theme every season I would have to say something, to see if they were all right.

You are insecure within yourself and this can be worked on. Your throw might make you feel cosy briefly but you will gain a sense of security and comfort from knowing that you have money saved.

I'm not coming at this from the view of a wealthy person. My entire income is less than your disposable income. Yet I manage to save and you don't. I'm not a better person than you. I get urges to spend on crap I dont need. You need a mindset shift. Have a look at some savings calculators and some inflation calculators. See how much you are wasting. Have a look at investment returns over time.

1. don't shop for leisure
2. fill your time with free activities. You need to find hobbies that dont involve shopping or going to cafes and restaurants. I know sandwiches and a flask are a standing joke but you can save so much by doing this and have a more interesting day out too.
3. use tealights. Expensive candles can be nice and the raw materials are costly. This does not make them 'worth it'. You could buy several thousand tealights for the price of one luxury candle. I don't think either type are good for your health.
4. finish every single bottle of shampoo and cleaning product you have before you buy any more.
5. every pound must work for you. You need to know where every pound is going. You have worked hard to earn that and you must let go of the notion that you are treating yourself or that you deserve to buy items. Work out your hourly take home and view every single thing you buy in terms of how long it took you to earn that. All of the usual advice about shopping for reduced items, lowering your heating applies. But you won't save a single penny until you change your relationship with money.

You 'need' autumnal cushions and throws, really? Charity shops will be full of Halloween decs soon; so there is money you can save.

Transfer some into savings as soon as you get paid and leave it alone.

Get a banking app on your phone that gives you instant updates on your spending and shows you your balance so you are consciously tracking the money going out every day. Starling Bank are pretty good.

Try to have a few 'no spend' days every week. Provided you have all the food in you need, it's not so hard to do.

Get one of those apps where you can put money into separate budgets and stick to them.

Secondly inventory what you already have, fair enough wanting autumnal colours but what did you have last year, reuse and just top up with a few cheap candles (Lidl have a new range in, smelt lovely) and trawl vinted for costumes not forgetting to sell your outgrown ones (better still swop!)

£50 a month for decor and candles is loads, even with cushions, look for covers.

Second a banking app to see where your money is going and doing free activities like museums and galleries instead of following influenzas.

Top tip- go and visit a rubbish dump, or somewhere with a plastic pollution problem. Every time you want to buy something think about the energy expended in making it, and the plastic waste when you are done with it- really visualise it littering a beautiful beach etc.

I found a holiday to Lebanon completely cured me of wanting to buy "stuff" again- I just can literally see the damage it does and it makes me repelled from the item.

Plus I know visualise the "declutter/cleaning" time for having to deal with too much stuff...

Influenzas 🤣🤣🤣

Unsubscribe to you tube channels that make you want to buy stuff,
I buy most of our clothes apart from underwear from vinted, charily shops and eBay . I bought a lovely bath and body shop autumn candle from Vinted brand new from Vinted .
Also I had a huge clear out recently and sold loads but when You sell items for peanuts compared to what you paid for them makes you reevaluate how much you spend on unnecessary stuff

Have a separate account and card for “fun money” pay yourself this money weekly £75 each. put away your current account cards and once your £65 fun money has gone - you’ll need to wait until next weeks pay day

this focuses the mind on only using that money, making it last and if you run out having to wait.

When you see something you "must" have, think about it for 48 hours. I can guarantee that most of the time you'll have forgotten about it.

Imagine the thing you want, or a pile of cash to the same value. Or a cheap thing + cash versus an expensive thing. Which would you rather have ?