Can we afford a 3rd baby

[bagforlifeamnesty]

NC for this. My head is a bit all over the place, I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Not planned, obviously. DC1 is 4.5 and DC2 is 2. We had only planned on having two, in part because of financial reasons.

Not sure what to do. I'm not sure if we can afford a third but I don't even really know where to start in terms of trying to work it out. I think that in the immediate short term we would be ok, as things currently stand we are fortunate that we do manage to save a few hundred each month so would be able to put money aside to tide us over during SMP. My work gives me 5 months full pay which is good, then SMP for another 4 months. So we would be able to save to cover the 4 months and then I would be able to use a couple of weeks of leave to hopefully take me up to 10 months before having to go back.

However I'm worried longer term. We have a big mortgage, it's £1k a month and we are on a very low rate that is due to end in Aug 2025. God knows what that will go up to, as things stand currently it would be about £1450 if we had to remortgage today. Also DC1 is about to start school and in 2024 DC2 will be eligible for 30 free hours at preschool so I was planning to ask work for a different working pattern during school holidays (they're very good with flexible working) or possibly reduced hours so that we only need to use 1 day of leave each per week to cover the holidays. DC2 would be too young for the holiday clubs around here. However if we had a baby then I'd still need to be paying for them at nursery year-round or would have to try to find a term-time only childminder which is like searching for the moon on a stick here.

Then there's obviously the extra costs of things like nappies and food etc. And longer term all the other things. We have friends who would happily lend us various baby clothes etc and I'm happy to have second hand as I did for my other two but don't even know where to start! Oh and we'd need a different car. Any help gratefully received!

I'd hate sharing a room. Not all do but it's a massive negative for me. Plus it doesn't sound like you could afford to upsize in the future.

Holidays are more expensive and difficult too. So much is geared for 2 kids. Cars?

The teenage years are expensive too.

I'd think hard on this one. For the sake of your existing quality of life and that of your existing kids.

Honestly, don’t. I remember thinking I could afford 3 when they were younger, but I’m finding having teenagers so expensive. They eat loads, they have hobbies, their clothes are more expensive. I’m worried about helping fund university. Obviously some of these things are optional, but still it could be a headache if you want them to have certain opportunities. It’s taken me by surprise as I always thought just the baby/nursery years would be financially tough.

The fertility rate is shrinking in all parts of the developed world and is not growing as rapidly as it once was in the rest of the world.

In 2021 the number of children per woman in the UK came to 1.61 (in 2020 it was 1.56 children).

Yours is not an argument for the OP not to have another child.

It really does sound like you want the baby, and your circumstances sound like you’ll be ok for now. When you remortgage could you increase the term a few years to keep the monthly payments lower? I know it means more interest but could give you financial breathing space.

Thank you everyone for the thoughts and opinions. It’s all helpful. I do sometimes worry about the environmental impact but at the same time it feels unfair that I should make choices about my family size on this basis while lots of other people couldn’t give a shit. I do other things for environmental reasons such as eating very little meat, only owning one car, but I know having more kids does outweigh that. I’m not going to base a TOP on that though.

i have looked at the new funding for childcare that in theory should be coming in next year and that should help. We should be eligible for 15 hours from 9 months and 30 hours from age 2.

I think me and DH do want this baby and I hope we could make it work. We are also going to be receiving some inheritance at some point in the fairly distant future (it’s in trust), it’s not an insane amount of money but it’s enough to be another little safety cushion if everything went tits up. Hopefully it would actually set our DC up with small deposits or uni fees or something.

I’m still not sure about the day to day costs. I grew up in a family that didn’t have loads of spare money and I’m used to cutting my cloth as it were. All our clothes were second hand and that’s fine. If having a third child means that we can’t afford to go to Tenerife and we go camping in wales instead then so be it, I don’t think kids need foreign holidays or expensive stuff to have a good childhood. I do think they need to be able to pursue some hobbies or interests although I was quite into horses and was told in no uncertain terms that we would not be getting a horse, sorry but we just can’t afford it. I don’t think that did me any harm. I would like them to be able to go on some school trips and join in activities with friends, I don’t want to have to worry about whether we can afford for them to go to a friends birthday party because we have to buy a present. That sort of thing.

Sorry I’m rambling now but it’s hard to estimate how much it would cost to raise kids in this sort of way. But I guess we have to take a risk and figure it out, if that’s what we want.

Hi op, we had a 3rd, much hoped for, but not exactly planned as I’d had a MMC after dc2. They’re now 16, 14 & 8. Boys share a room, they’re the oldest and youngest. Not ideal age gap for sharing, but not an issue so far. Ds2 never needs time alone and ds1 has his room to himself whenever he needs. They have a clearly defined side of the room each.
Ds1 eats me out of house and home, but to be honest, it’s mainly in terms of huge bowls of porridge and bigger portions of carbs with meals, so nothing expensive. Dd eats a modest amount eg same as me. Their clothes last much longer as they get older, as they don’t have the so frequent growth spurts of a small child - toddler, where you’re having to rebut practically every season sometimes. (There will be the odd spurt as teenage years set in!)
Holidays we’ve tended to do Haven type uk holidays, or wooden lodge type sites, where price is based per lodge rather than pp.
School uniforms have just been a once a year purchase, luckily our primary snd secondary both have polo shirts / sweatshirts as uniform, so not too expensive and the odd year where they’ve not needed replacing.
car wise we didn’t need to change as our older two were 5&7 when we needed a baby car seat. There are plenty around that fit 3 car seats though, and do look into changing your car seats before your car, as some might fit better.
We’ve never regretted our choice. Wouldn’t be without him for the world. You just make it work. Good luck 🤞

Someone implying you should have an abortion because of the planet when you've specifically only asked for advice on whether you can financially afford it and are already happily pregnant s absolutely sick tbh. I found that post wild and I'm amazed @mnhq have left it up. Wtaf?!

Anyway, we have an ageing population and a falling birth rate. That is a problem whether people like it or not. It isn't about having enough people around to care for the elderly either, it is having a reasonable economy so we can run public services. Really people living long lives is a bigger 'problem' than people having babies. Obviously babies eventually become elderly people, but since the birth rate is already below replacement level that is less of a worry too. Also, a large family in parts of Africa produce less carbon than a single, childfree person in the UK, so it's not just about numbers, it is also about lifestyle.

No you can't afford to have a 3rd baby if it's on a stretch. 'You'll find the money' isn't a good solid plan to have a baby. You have options and unless you're against it, you don't have to have the baby.

Sounds like you really want it but I'd think of your existing children and how much they'd have to sacrifice if and when there are unforeseen circumstances.

Oh my, the third child dilemma!

Me and my husband have also had these conversations recently, we have decided not to have a third child and he will get the snip! For us, it was the cost of another child in the house…as they get older, they get more expensive, and deals tend to be aimed at family of fours. I also don’t have the emotional energy to devote to another human.

Like you we also manage to put away 300-400 a month but I dont consider that enough, like you our mortage is due for renewal in 2025 and that will be a big hit.

It sounds like your mind is made up, if you want to make it work you will. I am sure you will be fine.

If you wait until you can afford a baby then you would never have one. There will always be something that needs saving for . When I had my DC we just cut our coat according to our cloth . We went through a redundancy and illness and money was tight . But we got through it . I'm sure the OP will do the same . No one can predict the future .

We in same boat as @daisydalrymple
Got a 9 yr old, 6 yr old, and preggers with another ( unplanned).
Decided to keep and baby is soon due.

It is a very hard choice, having the 3rd child. But decided that theres no perfect timing, and everything happens for a reason. We gonna just team up and make it work!

Good luck with the decision guys

i can’t believe how much some posters here feel the need to be in a perfect financial position to continue a clearly wanted pregnancy. christ. you’ll make it work op, because you want to. congratulations :)

I've got 3, and it does make a difference to finances for some things - eg holidays, you need to book an extra room; you need a bigger car ; going out costs more especially as they get older so things like meals out cost more. Activities for 3 like swimming/music etc as they get older become a bigger deal.
On the other hand, I found DC3 slotted into family dynamics very well, we didn't need much in the way of new things, and the DC were happy with picnics etc rather than than more expensive outings for most of the time. I found what helped was knowing other families in similar financial positions - if their mates are off skiing every half term and you can't afford a cinema trip it can be awkward.
But you are pregnant and you want this baby - I think it might be emotionally hard to have a termination for financial reasons. If you were talking theoretically it would be one thing, but you are actually pregnant now, and if you were that bothered about the finances, I suspect you would have been more careful. Your Dh sounds like he wants the baby, you've got space, I'd go for it. But I am biased, I adore my bonus baby ( who is now an adult!).

You will make it work if you want to. My parents had very little but they had 4 children. Me and DH have joint household income over 200k but we chose to only have one to be able to afford a big house, private schooling and foreign holidays. I think it's totally a personal choice and no one can really tell you what the correct answer is. All the best 👍

Ridiculous post. How do you know "they will find the money"? Lots of people struggle so money doesn't suddenly appear just because someone has another baby.

With the cost of everything now and only likely to increase it is hardly sensible to bring an unplanned baby into the world. When the OP is struggling in the future she can thank all the naive posters who think life is so rosy and no one ever regrets having a child

I don't think having a 3rd is ever a sound financial decision tbh. You sound like you'd be ok but need to cut your cloth. I would set aside the financials and just decide is this something you want or not.

You sound quite financially secure op, some of the responses here are a bit off to say the least, and judgemental. I would imagine as a previous poster said, you can cut your cloth to suit and be just fine. We are having a third, we are not rich, but if we waited sure my eggs would be dust😂 I think you have a stable home and potential to earn more anyway down the line. If you want the baby, you should worry less, and celebrate the new member joining your family. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that choice!

Just coming back to say thank you for all the thoughts and advice. We have looked again at our mortgage statement and we currently have about 40% equity in the house so we have agreed that further down the line if we do feel we need a bigger house that we could increase our LTV again to enable us to buy something more expensive or we could release some equity to extend (other houses on our road have done a side extension to turn 3 bed into 4). It would obviously increase our mortgage cost so we wouldn’t be looking to do that until we were out of the expensive childcare years but I don’t think sharing bedrooms will be an issue for the first few years. Alternatively we could move to a cheaper area and not increase the mortgage but choose to have a longer commute although I’m not keen on this.

As some pp have said, we will look for holidays that are not per person but per property. Or do camping/chalets in uk or France and get the ferry. If we want to go abroad AI then it would just mean we might have to drop down a star rating to be able to afford it. I’m really not worried about that aspect of things. Cut your cloth as already mentioned. Same with days out, we do mainly free things, maybe theme park once a year so we can save for an extra ticket.

However I am a bit worried about ongoing costs of hobbies and school trips and uniform and stuff, I think we will be able to afford it but feel a bit guilty that we may inadvertently restrict the choices of the existing two because we will have to budget for three. However I don’t feel that way about my second now, even though we would have more spare money for the eldest if we hadn’t had our second, so I expect soon it will not feel that way.

The car issue will be a PITA though as we have literally just bought a new car 🙄 it’s owned outright not on finance so can’t easily be swapped. We might try to manage with it if we can for a while as it does have three isofix points but one is in the front so it would always mean an adult sitting in the middle seat in the back but I guess we could always exchange it further down the line. Weirdly enough the guy in the showroom was trying to convince us to get a Zafira 7 seater instead of our current car (I assume he just wanted to shift it) and he kept going on about “what if you have a third” and we told him that wouldn’t be happening… when we signed the paperwork he joked “see you next year when you come back to buy a Zafira!” Which was a bit inappropriate but also bang on the money 😬

So pleased to hear this OP . I think this baby will bring lots of joy x Good luck OP

Hi OP sounds like you’ve made your decision which is great. I also had a surprise third when the others were 2 and 4 and like you, wobbles initially about the decision. He’s now 14 and has always been much loved. Like you we lived frugally when they were small, and this was very doable.

This isn’t intended to sway you, but just as friendly advice. Now they are 14,16 and 18 I do feel like I’m handing over money constantly. Some of this is my choice eg driving lessons ?and they pay towards this with PT jobs). But the cost of trainers, clothes, sports kit, school trips etc for 3 not to mention endless hot water and food, is quite different from when they were small. So alongside the sensible planning you’re doing about the house and car, I’d recommend thinking long term about possible plans to increase earnings when they’re older.

i say that because I didn’t do this and we have winged it financially….which has worked out now but been stressful along the way. All the very best c

I'm not pregnant but DH and I both want a third but agonizing like you about the financial impact. It sounds like we are less financially comfortable than your family though and our house is also smaller (with no realistic prospect of that changing any time in the foreseeable future). I'm happy to hear you've made a decision that you're happy with.

This xx

It sounds like you have made up your mind which is great! We stuck to 2 for financial reasons but if we could have afforded it/had the stability we would have had a 3rd.

To answer your questions about primary school, I would say on average per child I spend about £50 a year on various charity donations/raffle prizes. Then about £15 per summer & Christmas fair for games/treats. An average of 5 dress up days per year - I always made from a well stocked dress up box but depends on time/creativity. Day school trips about £50. Then residential trips in ks2 (years 4-6) are around £250 plus all the equipment costs. Then there's teacher gifts/Christmas cards/random fad must haves all their friends have! You will need a family laptop/tablet to access the apps they use to do phonics/maths/times tables. But the biggest one is the constant whole class parties you get invited to in reception/year 1. Not just the card/gift but if its at soft play paying for the siblings to get in as no-one to look after them and the travel costs.

Clubs - mine just did swimming as we live by the sea so it's important for them. And then girls brigade which was only £2 a week. 2/3 clubs is plenty as otherwise they get tired and no time for playdates and you don't want to spend all weekend ferrying them to various clubs when you could do fun family days out.

Clothes - whilst my dd2 was happy with hand me downs for a while, now she's 10 she has a different body shape and taste so dd1s clothes weren't suitable for her. So our clothes spending has gone up considerably!!

Now mine are older they both need a basic phone contract so they can arrange to meet friends/walk home alone and use homework apps independently. Pocket money - £5 like I used to get a week doesn't go far nowadays barely covers bus fare and some lunch let alone doing anything with friends! Bubble tea which dd1 (14) and her friends like is £4.50 in town 😱

@SootspriteSearcher thank you so much this is honestly such a helpful post! We are already getting a bit of these types of costs with preschool (parties/random fundraisers/etc) but it helps to know how this pans out for primary years. Do many preteens/teens wear clothes from Vinted etc now? I have really noticed the cost of new clothing going through the roof recently so hoping to keep mine in second hand for as long as possible..

I'm glad it helps! Obviously it will depend on schools as some do more than others!

Mine are 14 and 11, most of their clothes are still second hand. We sell their old stuff on vinted and they choose new stuff from there/car boots or charity shops. Shein has filled in some of the gaps in their wardrobes. I think if you normalise hunting second hand it's normal for them, as long as its stuff they like and not just bought because it's cheap. I buy mine second hand where possible too.

Just remember once they are at school they need very few out of school outfits and often wear the same thing over and over anyway!!. Mine always change into pjs after school so only need weekend/school holidays clothes really.

We also do second hand gifts and always have done. They have grown up knowing if you are happy with preloved they get more for the budget. Eg when dd2 loved lol dolls, for the cost of one new one, she could have 3/4 second hand and know she wouldn't get duplicates (but I still wrapped so she got the surprise element!) It's harder now, but we've moved towards experiences now as they don't really want any material items.