Feeling sad and disappointed that in-laws have been seeing loads of people just before we travel to visit them and won't LFT.

[mummabubs]

Just need a space to vent I think. I appreciate that different people have different opinions about all this.

We have travelled 200 miles to stay with my family now and had planned to see my DH's family on boxing day and stay with them for two nights. They know my mother is CEV and they also have two members of their own family who are CV. We've listened to months of them talking about how hard they're trying to shield the two members of their own family who are CV (95 year old relative and younger adult with complex health needs who isn't able to advocate for themselves and lives with my in-laws) and how annoyed they are with people not being sensible during covid and putting themselves ahead of others etc. Both of the CV individuals will be there on Boxing Day. I'm also recovering from a really nasty chest infection (non-covid) which I've been advised could make me vulnerable to covid given other health conditions.

With covid rates rising sharply we've been really consciously careful in the ten days before travelling - both worked from home, didn't attend Christmas parties, I've seen one friend last week (outdoors) and been conscious of mask wearing and social distancing etc. We also LFT'd before travelling down today to do as much as we could to ensure that we're not a risk to any of our family. In-laws knew we've been doing all of this and why. Covid rates are really high currently where our families live compared to where we do.

We've just learned that in the last week my MiL and FiL have had three different sets of friends over to dinner in their house and to stay overnight (all from different parts of the UK and back to back visits) and are actually having more friends travel to see them at home tomorrow, the day before we are seeing them. SiL and BiL have been to panto, leisure centres, the theatre and indoor grottos, all within the last few days. All have said they don't believe in, and therefore won't, LFT. Apparently they all decided they just wanted to have a good Christmas and enjoy themselves incase we go into a lockdown. Given the volume of mixing they've all been doing with no masks or distancing (and including some of the friends who haven't been vaccinated through choice) I think there's a realistic chance that they may have been exposed to covid in the last week and therefore have sharply risen our chances of catching it.

Part of me knows that they are entitled to spend their Christmas as they like, but the main part of me right now feels really sad/angry/let down that they don't appear to care at all about putting our family at risk and didn't think it was worth communicating with us about their new plans to socialise en masse. The fact they also refuse to LFT is honestly making me not want to go, but I know this isn't realistically an option given my DH will still want to see them and our DD has been excited to see her grandparents and cousins. I guess I feel foolish that I've been careful to try and respect what they've been saying about wanting others to protect their vulnerable family members and have made changes and sacrifices to try and aid this, but then actually when it counts they have actually seen more people than they would in a normal week before Christmas and won't even lft to try and minimise the risk or help us to make an informed decision as to whether we should be arranging to see them. It's affected how I view them to be honest as we'd all appeared to be on the same page when discussing being careful before Christmas... And that was before Omicron was even in the picture! Urgh.

I know it's last minute but can't you just say you're feeling extremely anxious about Covid and don't want to be around anyone who hasn't LFT'd. It's perfectly acceptable.
You could be with your own family and say you'll be happy to meet up in Spring when there is very little health risk.
No way would I go and I'd think they were selfish unrealistic fuckers to put you in that situation.

I think they're being selfish but sounds like they've had to put off loads of social stuff previously and may e like many others enough is enough. I sympathise but you're going to have to decide what is worth the risk like so many other people this Christmas. We are not being given very clear advice, so got to make an uninformed decision.
You could say no.

@Veryverycalmnow We are not being given very clear advice, so got to make an uninformed decision

I completely disagree with this, the advice is very clear. No need to cancel your plans but if you do want to see people limit social contact in advance and test before you do.

I don’t see that that message is difficult to understand or to act on. They’re being selfish.

I would refuse to visit if they refuse to test. It's a perfectly reasonable position to take.

Sorry, I finally fell asleep! Thank you so much for all replies. I agree the ideal answer is that we don't go. We haven't seen them all for a couple of months. My husband will not entertain the idea of him not seeing them, so I figure at that point he'll have been exposed anyway, ditto with our child.

I'm not overly concerned due to my own vulnerability to be honest, I'm more concerned about potentially passing it on to others or having to parent whilst feeling ill. Plus I have two friends who are my age (thirties), no underlying health conditions but still suffering the effects of long covid months later.

[quote SonicBroom]**@Veryverycalmnow* We are not being given very clear advice, so got to make an uninformed decision*

I completely disagree with this, the advice is very clear. No need to cancel your plans but if you do want to see people limit social contact in advance and test before you do.

I don’t see that that message is difficult to understand or to act on. They’re being selfish.[/quote]
I also respectfully disagree. We live in Wales where we've had clear guidance on reducing social contact over Christmas, spacing out visits with a day in between and doing a lateral flow test before you see anyone even if asymptomatic. As far as I could tell from the national news much the same has been said in England.

It all feels especially incongruent given MiL is apparently still only going to the supermarket when it opens first thing so as to avoid people and when they visited us relatively recently they were very particular about what we did so as to not do anything risky, and that was before the Omicron variant broke out. My SiL was openly joking to me yesterday that they'll be fine if they have to self isolate as a result of all the activities they've been doing as they've already bought a back up Christmas Dinner. Felt rather insulting as again it's just completely blind as to how their choices then affects our risk.

I'm just going to try and enjoy today with my family. DH is being a bit tense about it all but not much I can do about that, I still feel upset by his family's behaviour.

Although it’s tough, if you do catch covid from them now, that will be on you, not on them. You know they’ve been out and about and yet you’re still prepared to go, so you’re the one taking the risk.
You could all do a LFT at 9am on Christmas Day that’s negative but still actually have covid, which may well show up on a test the following day.

YANBU to ask them to do a LFT before visiting.

They might not believe in them but you do and it will help you feel more comfortable during your time there.

Your husband should ask them to do one, and explain if not you might not be able to visit as it will have potentially too much impact on your wider family.