To those who find this lockdown not much different to their normal lives

[Sometimenever100]

I’m asking because I’m curious- no judgements here! To those who say they find lockdown not much different to their normal lives (except DC being at home and aside from work arrangements) In normal times didn’t you even chat to friends, see family, go shopping (not food) enjoy a national trust or park, eat out, go for coffee, invite friends or other children over, visit friends where a longer drive was involved, or take your children anywhere other than local walks?
Again no judgements as everyone lives life differently, I am just so surprised that lots of people on other threads are saying lockdown is not really different to normal for them.

I have a quiet life usually. Pre corona most weeks I would only go out to the supermarket once or twice, and for a walk (not from my house) at the weekend. Maybe visiting family once a month (they live a couple of hours away). Hate shopping, and don't have a social life as tbh I prefer to spend my time doing other things.

My DC are disabled (with one more or less housebound for the past few years) and the only people who really came to the house before were various therapists and teachers, etc. Having my friends round would have caused too much anxiety for them so it hardly ever happened.

The huge difference for us is not having to rush around to a million hospital appointments. They actually get to experience life the same as everyone else for the first time ever and not feel like there's something wrong with them, which is refreshing for them.

And yes, we did go to National Trust properties occasionally and visited family, although it is always a massive mission and there's always a huge question mark as to whether we'll actually make it out of the door. It's really stressful to get my DC out for these little 'normal'l things. So while that is something that's different about our lives now, I can't say it's a huge loss!

I actually like the fact that visits have to be over Skype or telephone now as it's so much less disruptive for the DC and easier to deal with. I would say I'm actually socialising with my friends and family far more now than I was before lockdown, because we're all making more effort to support each other and stay in touch.

I'm enjoying social distancing a lot and as a pretty big introvert it's interesting to see what it's like living in an introvert's world rather than an extrovert's. I do have friends and colleagues who want to be friends but I'm enjoying the break from the pressure to go out and socialise, go to parties, etc. We had a leaving party for a colleague yesterday - it was an hour on zoom instead of an all night drinking binge where it would have been frowned upon to leave early. The zoom meeting was much better!

DH is my best friend and the only person I would really miss hanging out with all that much. I would like to see family but we chat a lot and I wave at my mum through the window when I drop off food for her. I only like shopping online anyway. I do somewhat miss going to places forgyet away but my local area is a nice place to walk also.

It really helps a lot having a house with garden, Netflix, Amazon prime, etc. We also got an Oculus quest (virtual reality headset) which is brilliant for feeling like we've gone somewhere. I'm very aware of my good fortune and am certain that under even slightly different circumstances (such as living in a city center flat or having small DCs) it would be a real struggle. As it is I'm dreading having to go back to the daily commute.

I'm disabled and not that well, have been pretty much house-bound for the past 10 years. I only used to go out if I had a dentist, physio or optician appointment. I haven't eaten out in years and now would find that pretty difficult as I have a number of food intolerances. I have no living family, no children.

So this is 'same old, same old' for me, apart from having DP at home all the time, previously he was working away at least half the time. I do all my socialising online. Shopping is done online. I always have things to do so don't get bored. My best friend is my next door neighbour and we can still chat occasionally over the fence!

I think my existence would be pretty horrifying for many people but honestly I'm fine with it, I probably went through what some folk are going through now, feeling restricted and unable to go out. My tears have all been shed long agao and I accept my situation. At least I live in a rural setting and have a nice garden, and a great partner!

Not a massive difference here.

2 children with ASD (the oldest also recently diagnosed with social phobia after a long decline in mental health) so it was very limited what we did as a family outside the house anyway. We also live abroad so contact with family has always been online anyway (although won't be travelling to see them this summer which will be hard).

DP is a big extrovert and like a caged bird so he is struggling a bit. I'm happy to be WFH and have managed to get loads more done as I don't need to rush off for the school run and don't have to squeeze in all sorts of meetings about the children (hospital, school, social worker etc etc. There were a lot especially as the eldest has been a school refuser for the past year).

well tbh my daily life now is extemely similar to before.
Obviously with the exception of dc being at home and trying to juggle them/homeschool and work which I find stressful

My dc are all older though (12 - 22)

I am still going to work as before (NHS)
I never went out with friends really - maybe twice a year?
never went shopping other than food (hate,hate,hate shopping. order everything on line - have done for years!)
my parents and sister live a couple of hours away so would see them maybe 5 or 6 times a year (I do miss them actually)
when we went out with dc it would mostly be for long country walks - do miss being able to go to NT properties for picnics.
never ever went out for coffee/meals/to the pub

did sometimes go to the theatre or cinema with dc - would like to be able to do that again, but again this was only every now and then

I was quite content with my way of life tbh so no need to judge me at all.
Dc all very happy - they had loads of all the ususal playdates etc when younger

I enjoy spending my free time reading, gardening and running - all of which I am still doing.
I do miss the running events I used to enter and am sad my first ever marathon was potponed though.

having said that it doesnt mean I like the current situation. In fact I hate it. Dc are stugglling and I find a lot of other people have turned into horrible judging interrogators. I worry for the nation's mental health needs, and their non covid physical health needs which are all taking a battering. Not to mention the economy and the world of work my young people will be entering.

Sometimenever I think the thing is that your question is based on very much your own perspective of how people live, with very little imagination of how others might, and for that reason feels a bit entitled.

I'm only saying this (absolutely neutrally, and to help) so you are more aware of how it came across. For example, in order to meet up with friends, eat out, go for coffee, go to National trust properties, go clothes shopping, go on a day trip somewhere further with the children, one has to have:

Disposable income beyond home and living costs
A car
Children
Your health
Friends
Time

And whilst those might seem like normal assets that most people would have, I'm afraid there are probably a significant number of people who don't have all or some of those good things in their lives.

I had all the good things, but unfortunately (through my own naivety of what can happen and how things can be lost), got involved with a man who, over time, has done his best to fleece me of what he can, and spoil the rest. That's not a victim complex. And he hasn't totally succeeded. But yesterday he grabbed my face and has actually hurt one of my teeth. And there are no dentists. And I can't tell anyone as anyhow nobody can do anything now (and I refuse to upset them) and I'll just have to live with this strange dental situation until my dentist opens again. In November?!

So you see. We need to add to the list: missing going to the dentist, or medical appointments, or having an essential operation, or meeting someone new who will cherish rather than destroy.

I’ve never really had any friends, so no one to pop and see.
I only worked two nightshifts a week and they was usually on my own in a care facility (mental health) so I didn’t see anyone apart from the patients, but I left worker anyway when we moved in Jan.
Dh always did the shopping or we usually got tesco deliveries and he’s always worked from home at least 3 days a week.
I did the school run but never really chatted.
I used to see my dad once a week but glad not to now as he’s difficult.
I didn’t go out socially, maybe once a year.
We can only afford a holiday maybe once every 5 years and we can’t afford day trips, kids have never been to a theme park etc.

Staying at home was always normal for us anyway so we’ve all found it easy.

*that was usually on my own, not they

Work wise it is actually a bonus, as I was one of the few who wfh and it was treated suspiciously.

Child wise it is more like the summer holidays as clubs etc are off and they stay in bed until lunchtime.

I do miss seeing friends and family but we were so busy taking the kids to their sports that there wasn't much time for socialising.

@ponchek in my area there are emergency dental hubs you contact it via your own dentist I think.

In normal times didn’t you even:

chat to friends

I do have a couple of friends but I normally only see them two or three times a year, so it hasn't left a hole in my life not to.

see family

They're 200 miles away. I missed their Easter visit, which has been the worst part of lockdown so far for me, but I wouldn't normally see them on a day to day basis.

go shopping (not food

I did used to have a weekly wander around the charity shops in my lunch hour at work which I miss, but I rarely make dedicated shopping trips other than for food.

enjoy a national trust or park

I'm likely to miss this more in summer.

eat out

Rarely

go for coffee

Never

invite friends or other children over,

Never

visit friends where a longer drive was involved

Never

or take your children anywhere other than local walks?

No DC and now doggie is elderly, he's only been having local walks for some time.

So not a massive difference for me. The main change is WFH all the time but I quite like that.

Lots of pp had made excellent points but also, it's only been just over a month! It's not unusual for me to go a month without seeing my various groups of friends because everyone is so busy these days - a lot of our communication has always been done virtually. My parents spend a lot of time abroad so a month without seeing them in person is nothing really. My DS is too young for play dates so the only real change is not having to feel like I have to take him to godawful baby groups. It's really just been like having a few quiet weeks which happens from time to time.

Not much difference here. Didn't go for meals or coffee (couldn't afford it on DH DH retail wage and my carers allowance and two autistic kids).

Clothes shopping I didn't really do -have few clothes that I wear until they are falling apart (food shopping I always had a delivery as shopping with kids that like to run off or lick the trolley is no fun ).

I did get a small break of only having one child at home during the day, now they are both home.

The only difference is the fear of bringing cv home as his work (ASDA) won't enforce social distancing in store and aren't providing the ppe they said they would or send/allow sick people (coughs, temps) to go home and call them liars if they try to go home/call in.

Apart from that life is the same.

Chat to friends, yes and I still do chat to friends.

See family, yes, but we are FaceTiming regularly. I don't feel like i hugely miss them as I'm still seeing them albeit via FaceTime.

National trust/park - no, not something I ever did regularly.

Eat out - sometimes. Don't really miss it!

Go for coffee - not really

Invite friends over - sometimes

Children anywhere other than local walks - DS is 12 and has little interest in going anywhere with me. He likes to go out with his friends!

For me, the main difference is the pace of life. I'm not running round between activities, I'm not spending 2+ hours a day commuting, I'm not constantly playing catch up with housework, and I have time at the weekends to actually relax rather than just get on top of the stuff that allows our life to function Mon-Fri.

This sounds terrible but I sometimes used to resent having plans at the weekend as it just felt like another "to-do" on an already overwhelming list.

What I miss are low key things like driving somewhere nice for a walk; going to a nice looking cafe on that trip for tea and cake. I go to the cinema maybe twice a year. I do go out for a meal now and then.
I hate shopping centres and mooching on the high street. My parents are dead, my siblings live far away but we keep in touch via WhatsApp etc. Ditto my handful of friends. I'll get a haircut less frequently than I should but I don't go for nails, tanning and waxing (urgh! to be honest).
So , no, not massively different. I miss a walk at the seaside.

My DM has been disabled and in severe, chronic pain since her early 40s. She can’t do many of the things you list. She and DF became isolated and rarely did social things.

Apart from the high health risks, the main impacts on them have been difficulty getting food, not being able to see family, particularly grandchildren, and even worse than usual - or no - NHS services.

I don't have any friends so don't have anyone to miss. I have a sister who I love and miss meetings up with but other than that it's same as. Missing my sister is very tough.

(Setting aside the DC!) With the exception of not physically going to work, my life isn’t hugely different either. didn’t go out, shopping or socialise much at all, due to always being knackered from FT work, parenting, domestics and the long commute. This makes me sad. I would like a more local job but that’s tricky, and will be even more difficult now.

In answer to your questions things don't seem much different, and in areas where there are differences I don't feel bothered by it. I think it's about what is habit and done frequently (so would be missed) versus what's so infrequent it isn't missed.

I don't have lots of friends locally anyway, so we'll whatsapp or speak on the phone, but not actually meet for ages. I see my parents around once every 3 months, so it doesn't seem that different at the moment - although I do call them daily now (before it was once or twice a week). I will rarely go into town for a coffee or shopping, most of my shopping is online and I might have a coffee if I am early for the hairdressers (once every couple of months) it's not a habit. I do like going out to the woods and our local park and nature reserve has been closed so I miss it a bit but I just fill in with other things. I actually get surprised how much people go out to the shops normally - I think it's expensive and I would end up with a ton of stuff I don't need.

So more reading, watching a few foreign language films, I have started to watch a Chinese TV series to get my language skills back up to where I'd like them (I am English but lived in PRC for a few years so speak Mandarin relatively ok). We've played a few more board games as we like them. I've done an intensive Russian weekend course online which was great. I also usually have an online course (e.g. Futurelearn) on the go, have done a couple of things I wouldn't normally such as bake a cake/biscuits.

I realise I am lucky that I live with DH and 2 teenage DS of course, things might be different if on my own entirely. If I wasn't able to work I'd feel very differently!

I don't do most of those things in your OP. I'm a full time carer for my adult daughter, who has ASD and severe LDs. My life revolves around her needs.
I do miss seeing my adult son and his family, but I didn't see them very often anyway, because they have lots of holidays, weekends away, etc. I also miss swimming twice a week, and the few hours of being alone while she was at her day centre. But apart from that our life hasn't changed apart from not going to the shops as frequently (which is actually a good thing, because I've saved quite a bit of money).

Prior to lockdown I went out to work two days a week - and I still do as a key worker.

The other 5 says of the week I’m home with my children, which is how it has always been.

Almost a year ago I lost my driving licence for medical reasons so all visiting places, visiting family etc etc all came to a stop for me then, so I’m well used to doing not much else except being sat in the house with the occasional walk to the park or shops.

The only thing that’s different in my life is that my husband is home every day and my oldest son isn’t at school.

But apart from that, my life isn’t any different really.

Me and my daughter are isolated anyway and have had a tough few years with bereavements and her beloved nanny in a home with dementia. We were just getting used to our 'new normal' and she had just started at a really lovely school and was happy and then this nightmare happened !

I've always been a home-loving introvert, and my family and I tend to live a fairly simple and frugal life so we always tended to do cheaper stuff at home (exercise, cooking our own nice meals, gardening) rather than going out to gyms and restaurants and stately homes.

My family mostly live abroad and my friends tend to work long hours or live quite far away, so we are used to socialising without physical contact. My work colleagues are nice enough, but they are colleagues rather than friends, and the people who I love spending time with the most either live in the same house as me or are people who I don't see in person all that often anyway.

Although there are a few things we can't do that we would normally enjoy, that gives us more time for other things that we also enjoy, like reading and writing and music and art and gardening and playing computer games and board games (including online with friends) and going for walks and having access to a lot of arts stuff that we wouldn't have been able to afford in person and learning how to crochet and speak Spanish and improve our pull-up personal bests and just all hanging out together.

I do many of the things you talk about OP, but it is not unusual to not do them for a month or so, so at the moment it doesn’t feel different.I work from home anyway, as does DH. I don’t do the school run, DH does. I love my friends and family, but most of my close friends live at least 40 miles and up to 2000 miles away, so I would only see them every few months if that. I have been more in contact with them during this time than ever before! My family live around 30 mins away and I love them but we are all busy and it wouldn’t be unusual not to see them for a month. I have a book group but it only meets every two months and we had one just before lockdown so it is not unusual that we haven’t had another yet. I do go shopping but don’t have much money so don’t buy much, and I still go to M and S every week which feels similar. I go to the gym but it isn’t unusual to have a bit of a break because of having too much work. We do usually have trips out at the weekend to the beach or garden centre or whatever so that is different, but we are going on more bike rides as a family so it doesn’t seem that different.