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WWYD???

33 replies

Maggie9000 · 27/03/2020 18:32

Blended family, my son lives with us, DP's daughter lives with her mum.
Normal routine: Son goes to his dads every other weekend, DP's daughter comes to us every Weds and every other weekend.

Situation: I have chronic lung disease. It's very rare, similar to CF. I nebulise, have IV drugs through a portacath and require regular physio to stay well. Despite all this I can lead a fairly normal life (normal to me anyway, I won't be running any marathons anytime soon!)
I'm isolating for 12 weeks for obvious reasons, CV will kill me, there is no two ways about it. DP has chosen to isolate with me bar getting groceries, we can run our business from home.
Son's dad has resigned himself to facetime for the next 12 weeks and DP had agreed with his ex that he wouldn't see his daughter (facetime only) for 12 weeks too.
DP has decided he can't go 12 weeks without seeing his daughter, I get it, I do. But not sure why I should risk my life for him to see her (she's staying with her mums boyfriend who has two kids who are going back and forth between their mum and dad) so I said he'll have to move out if he wants to do that. Is that bad? I'm not an unreasonable person but I'm petrified. If he moves out I'll have to rely on others/volunteers to bring food and I'm sure there's people more worthy than me. His daughter is safe, and well, and it's not forever?

I'm also 8 weeks pregnant, with our IVF baby. I guess I'm asking if I'm being unreasonable, if there's another way round it or if I should stick to my guns.

OP posts:
Onceateacher · 28/03/2020 10:35

Sometimes we have to sacrifice the short term good for the long term.
Does he believe there isn't really much risk to you, or is he fully prepared to accept that you and the baby could die in a way that could be directly linked to his actions?

Maggie9000 · 28/03/2020 11:15

@onceateacher he fully knows the risk, he fully knows the anxiety I'm feeling from it all. But he's torn. Understandably.

OP posts:
blossombabies · 28/03/2020 18:53

you seem to be putting your needs ahead of your partners child? i would never expect ME or my husband to be more important than any of my kids. your partner has the option of sleeping at work - that seems to me like the only reasonable option where you are safe and he gets to see his child.
as someone else has mentioned, there is nothing in this world that would stop me from seeing my kids for three months - literally nothing.

Onceateacher · 28/03/2020 19:18

Really? Not even if it was for their own good?

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 28/03/2020 19:30

you seem to be putting your needs ahead of your partners child?

You think her need to be alive and for her son to have a mother at the end of this is outweighed by her DH’s need to see his DD in person rather than over FaceTime?

blossombabies · 28/03/2020 19:43

her husband can sleep in work like she mentioned - so she is safe as well as him being able to see his daughter. so clearly there IS an option

Maggie9000 · 29/03/2020 07:12

@blossombabies to clarify, work is an industrial unit, there are no cooking/washing facilities.

OP posts:
StarbucksSmarterSister · 29/03/2020 13:33

if he decides to go ahead I am sorry but I think I’d be reviewing my relationship

I agree. OP your EX is willing to do this for your sake but your current partner is whining? I'd seriously be seeing him in a very different light.

Stick to your guns.

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